


The Chair

by HelenaHelena



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: A lot more plot than I intended, Aliens Made Them Do It, Anal Sex, Angst, Birth, Dubious Consent, F/M, Gender Issues, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnancy, Sex, Slow Burn, Talosians (Star Trek), Tarsus IV, Vaginal Sex, tacky space medicine, tacky space science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2020-10-19 11:36:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 50,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20656604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenaHelena/pseuds/HelenaHelena
Summary: Christopher Pike becomes an unwilling member of captain Kirk’s crew. Just too bad captain Kirk accidentally have gotten him pregnant in the process.Pike has to fight to come to terms with what happened to him on Talos V, and captain Kirk fights for the right to sit on the command chair of the Enterprise.





	1. Give us not the past, give us the future

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains some problematic imagery and themes. Discussions on what consent to intercourse and sexual assault is. Mpreg, involentary gender/genitalia modifications, and mpreg.
> 
> Please proceed with caution.

_‘Captain’s log, Star date 9801.29. We have been ordered by Starfleet command into Talosian space, to explore a strange energy phenomenon. As Talosian space is restricted, I cannot help but feel some apprehension that we might be moving into a trap. The two human residents on Talos V have not reached out to us.’_ Starship USS Enterprise, Captain’s personal log. Captain James T. Kirk reporting.

‘Captain, it would appear that Talos V is not at the expected position,’ Spock said from the science station. The view port showed the blackness of space; a few stars were scattered in the distance.

Captain Kirk studied Spock from the command chair; surprised. Someone couldn’t very well have moved the planet over night.

‘Is that your scientific description of the problem, Mr. Spock?’ Kirk asked, half amused. Spock looked up from his instruments. 

‘I do not know how else you would like me to describe it; Talos V is not there.’

‘Any logical explanation, Mr. Spock?’ Kirk asked.

‘None at present.’

Kirk shifted in his seat. The last time they had visited, the Talosians had demonstrated some very elaborate illusions.

‘Could this be another Talosian illusion?’ Kirk inquired.

‘Quite possible, captain,’ Spock nodded.

‘We need to talk to them, Starfleet’s orders. Mr. Spock ready an away team with a Xeno-sociologist, and meet me in the transporter room,’ Captain Kirk concluded.

At that, the captain got up. He was certain now that Talos was indeed there, even if they couldn’t see it. But the mystery was easily resolved; if they beamed down either they would materialize on the surface, if the planet was still there, or they would materialize in space. Kirk was betting his life on his intuition.

And with a bit of luck, it wouldn’t be the latter option.

Spock, Yeoman Martin, Lt. Cmdr. Sommer from Xeno-sociology and an operations officer in red were already on the transporter PADD when Kirk got there. 

‘Where are you beaming down to? It is empty space,’ Scotty protested.

‘To the coordinates from Mr. Spock,’ Spock quickly tapped the estimated coordinates of the planet surface into the transporter control panel.

‘Okay, sirs, but it will be in the vacuum of space, if you are wrong,’ Scotty warned, at this point and after five years, he was taking this kind of risk-taking with only feigned worry.

The operations officer on the transporter PADD gulped audibly, however.

The tingling sensation of the transporter surrounded them. 

As he materialized, Kirk looked around on the naked rocky planet; at least it was not empty space. The only vegetation was strange looking singing plants. He was alone, and he drew his phasor in apprehension. In his immediate vicinity, there was no trace of the rest of the away team.

But at least he appeared to be on Talos. He just hoped that the others were as well.

‘Kirk to Spock.’ He turned on his communicator, but he didn’t receive a reply from Spock, only static.

From what Kirk had read in the confidential material from Spock’s court martial, there was a reason Talos was in restricted space. This had to be a ruse of the Talosians’ doing.

The purpose, however, eluded him.

As suddenly as that, it began to rain. Before Kirk had any chance to seek shelter, the storm picked up, and the sky quickly grew dark. As lightning struck in a spiderweb of electricity, the color of the sky turned blue.

According to the geographical measurements from the sealed files, Talos shouldn’t suffer from massive thunderstorms like this one. It was puzzling, if this was not another clever illusion.

If it was an illusion, it was making him wet.

A scream through the rain alerted Kirk; a very feminine scream. A woman! He ran towards the sound. But the rain was getting heavier, and he struggled to see anything. Then he saw her. She was in a torn flight-suit, wet. Her black hair fell into her eyes. Kirk quickly ran towards her.

‘She is in there, help her,’ the woman pointed at a crashed cruiser, burning in front of them. The rain was not putting it out, and the fuel cells had caught fire. He pushed the woman towards safety and ran back towards the burning ship; but a wave of heat blocked him.

The heat made the rain vaporize with a hiss before hitting the scorching surface.

‘There is nothing we can do,’ Kirk said as he drew backwards to the woman. He pulled both arms around her, and she buried her face in his neck.

‘There was nothing there, the scanners showed nothing,’ she sobbed into his chest. He moved his arms around her even tighter, running a hand across her back. The crash had been bad, and he worried that the woman was injured. They were drenched, and she might also be getting hypothermic. Kirk looked around. He had seen a cave-like formation in the rocks when he first beamed down.

He helped her to stand up; one of her shoes had come off, and her green flight-suit was ripped.

‘Come here.’ Kirk had been right, there was a small opening in the rock; a dry place to sit on the cave bed. It was just in time before darkness replaced twilight. The surface was only illuminated by the occasional lightning.

Kirk moved her to sit down on one of the rocks on the cave floor. Fortunately, the slope was not allowing much water to get into the cave, and the rock was mostly dry.

He took the lovely woman in his arms; she had long lush black hair that clung to her face in wet locks. She had a beautiful straight nose and high cheekbones. Her age was hard to assess. She appeared young, but something told him she was older, maybe even in her thirties.

‘My name is Jim, what is your name?’ Kirk asked; she had amazing clear blue eyes.

‘I am Christine,’ she said, looking up through long beautiful lashes. She shivered, and Kirk was completely in love. He warmed a rock with his phasor, before he tried to call Spock and the rest of the away team. But still he received no response.

The sobbing from the woman had stopped, replaced by an empty stare.

‘You need to get warm,’ he rubbed her arms. She nodded, her eyes unfocused.

‘Have you been in contact with anyone else, while down here?’ She shook her head.

‘No, I am alone.’

‘Are you hurt?’ Kirk asked worried. The woman had a gash on her shoulder, where the flight-suit was torn, and part of her breasts was exposed. He touched the wound.

‘You are bleeding,’ he said, but he was looking into her blue eyes.

‘It is a surface wound,’ she said. Kirk couldn’t help himself when he pulled a lock of hair from her face. Aching to kiss the pink lips.

Her body was melting in his arms and his own heart was racing, and at this moment he could think of nothing else but providing this beautiful woman with all the comfort he could give her.

‘I need to remove your flight suit to bandage the wound,’ Kirk said. Christine looked into his eyes, leaning back. Full of trust.

‘Of course.’ Kirk let his hands run over her arms, and carefully peeled her shirt off, exposing a white bra. He didn’t know whether it was his touch or the cold that made her shiver.

The injury was superfical, but it needed to be bandaged. Kirk tore off his shirt. Tearing into the fabric to get something to apply pressure on the wound with.

‘Star fleet’s survival protocols in a situation such as this, states that we should share body heat,’ he smoothly said and moved Christine downwards, placing the rest of his shirt under her head. She did not complain as he hovered on top of her.

‘Does that line usually work?’ Christine asked, amused. It did usually, Kirk found. Christine was apparently laughing at his expense, but she moved her mouth up to capture his despite her disapproval. He glided his hand down onto her hips and further into the lower part of her green flight suit.

Feeling for the warm spot between her legs. She was compliant as he felt for her soft clit. She was wet and warm.

His own pants were too tight, but Christine was quick. She moved, and with experienced hands, she pushed his pants off. Pulling at his boxers. He tore her flight suit further down, and made needing sounds, as he moved a finger inside her, flicking gently, making her exhale weakly.

She stroked his already hard erection and was lining him up to enter her. It was difficult in their position. He pulled her suit completely off and spread her beautiful long legs. She made a small gasp as he pushed inside her, where his hand had been moments before.

She was warm and tight and welcoming him. Her face was lit by the soft glow of the orange rock, which his phasor had warmed.

She had closed her eyes, leaning backwards into his folded shirt as he thrusted into her gently.

He let his hands slide down her beautiful golden skin on her breasts and belly; she parted her lips emitted a long muffled moan. Hopefully, the coarse surface did not cause her discomfort. If it did, she did not show it. Kirk’s knees were currently getting sore against the naked rock, but pleasure soon made him forget it, as he caressed her breasts with each hand and kissed her neck.

Moving his hands up and running fingers through her hair. It was soft and still damp from the rain. She had stopped moving, as he came into her hard in a long pleasurable thrust. Electricity erupted everywhere. Holding the soft skin of her hips between his fingers.

Kirk rolled off of her, panting for a few moments, worried that she would have gotten injured on the rough surface. He didn’t want to crush her with his weight.

Christine sat up, gathering her flight suit to cover her. She stroked his cheek affectionately.

‘Jim, you need to take your clothes on fast. They are coming!’ Christine stood up from the cave floor.

‘Who are coming?’ Kirk looked outside; the rain had stopped.

‘Quickly,’ she pulled the flight suit on to cover herself, disregarding any underwear. Unconvinced, he followed. His uniform shirt was still torn and a stripe of naked skin was visible on his chest.

She acted with purpose and said calmly into the rocky wall of the cave: ‘I did what you asked, now let them go.’

‘There is no-one there.’ Kirk placed his hands on her arms, but she untangled herself and stood up.

‘This charade has gone on for long enough,’ she protested. A Talosian suddenly materialized in the middle of the cave. Kirk lurched backwards and pulled out his phasor.

‘You have done very well, we have the data we need, they can go.’ Christine sat down and breathed out.

‘Thank you,’ she said, relived. The flight-suit on the beautiful woman changed for a silvery-looking jumpsuit. She didn’t look like a Talosian, and there should only be two humans. Had the Talosians trapped her here?

Kirk looked out of the cave, looking around. All traces of the rain were gone.

‘Who are you?’ He asked her. She looked… ashamed?

‘I am not leaving without her,’ Kirk said, setting his phasor to kill. Christine was shaking her head.

‘Please, don’t…’ For a moment Kirk believed that she was afraid. He did not have the chance to contemplate on it for long; before an insufferable pain filled his head, swarmed into his mind. Kirk screamed and fell to his knees.

‘You will not question our actions,’ the Talosian said. Christine was running to help Kirk up. ‘If you explain; he will leave willingly,’ she said.

‘Do you not wish to retain your breeding partner?’ The Talosian asked.

‘He is not my breeding partner; Vina was my breeding partner,’ the woman said defiantly.

‘You said that they could go, if I demonstrated breeding with one of them.’

Kirk was uncertain whether he should be insulted or flattered that he was the one being chosen for this. He settled on flattered. He was, however, concerned that his partner seemingly had been coerced into having sex with him.

That was a very disturbing prospect. 

‘We will keep our words. Your comrades are outside, you will find that your mechanical devices will be functioning again. You can return to your ship,’ the Talosian told him.

Something strange was going on with that woman, and no matter what it was, Kirk was definitely not leaving her. Clearly, she was not being held willingly.

Christine stepped towards him.

‘Please, just go. You don’t understand.’

Kirk moved towards her; looking deep into her blue eyes.

‘Then please make me understand,’ Kirk requested, truly wanting to understand.

‘This is an illusion, Captain,’ she tried, desperately. Kirk looked around, confused.

‘What is?’ The surface looked like what he had expected from Talos. Rocks and singing flowers. He couldn’t see anything that might be an illusion.

Except the rain, perhaps.

‘My appearance is an illusion, I am an illusion. This.’ She gestured impatiently towards her body.

‘I do not understand,’ Kirk tried forming a conclusion.

‘It was not my meaning to mislead you,’ Christine said, full of shame. She sounded broken, ashamed, in pain.

The woman stepped away from the Talosian.

‘They saw Vina and me as a breeding pair, but she was too old. They wanted me to choose another one.’ Tears ran over her cheeks.

Kirk’s mind went into a loop. Had there been three humans on Talos? There should only be two permanent residents.

Before, the truth finally came to him.

Christine... Chris... Christopher... 

Then Kirk realized. He had just had sex with Fleet Captain Pike on the floor of a cave. And he was not opposed to doing it again.

The woman looked down in shame as the Talosian removed the illusion. The form became taller and more masculine; Fleet Captain Pike, but not as he had been the last time, crippled, unable to talk, bound to a wheelchair.

He looked really good, tall, symmetric face, straight nose. Perfect gray hair. Well-proportioned masculine body.

Kirk stepped away, confused.

‘Is it still an illusion?’ Kirk demanded, looking at the Talosian.

‘No, captain, we have repaired his body to the best of our knowledge, we learned much since the female came to us.’

A trace of a scar still ran across Pike’s face. A faint trace of his horrible injury.

‘When they patched her together, they did not know human physiology. They knew her physiology when they did the same to me,’ Pike tried to explain.

So he had found the residents.

‘They refused to let you leave, they would inflict pain, if I did not show them the one thing they had not seen of human relations.’ Kirk wanted to extend his hand for comfort. But that was probably not appropriate.

‘We wish to study human procreation, Captain Kirk. You have shown us what we wanted to see.’ Kirk looked towards Pike for a reaction. But it looked like they had broken him in more ways than one.

‘We have healed the human known as Christopher Pike, captain. He is here of his own choosing.’ At this point, Kirk doubted that.

‘You said, he was welcome, that he would be free from the burdens of his injuries?’ Kirk eyed the big-headed alien. He might have misjudged them; he was not leaving anyone.

‘He is free here, captain,’ the Talosian said. The alien definitely had a very different definition of being free than Kirk.

‘Free to be a subject of your experiments, of your every whim?’ Kirk was not familiar with Fleet Captain Pike outside of his official records. But should he accept that the once extremely principled and proud Starfleet captain was reduced to this? Was death really not better?

An object of their experiments? Had the aliens tortured him with their mind probes?

Captain Kirk was not accepting this.

‘And if he chooses not to leave, captain?’ The Talosian asked while looking at Pike. There was no way that Kirk was leaving Pike behind in this place. He could not imagine being held prisoner by these creatures.

‘I will give you anything you want from me, if he is allowed to leave,’ Kirk said. It made the aliens look pleased. 'A memory, Kirk, we will let him go, if you give us a memory.'

Pike looked up in panic or fear?

‘No, don’t…’ Pike said. Kirk refused to look him in the eyes. Of course, paying with a memory didn’t sound like a concern. He had lots of memories.

‘Accepted,’ Kirk said, ignoring Fleet Captain Pike’s warning.

Kirk was about to ask the Talosian how this worked. When acute pain flushed over his mind as a tidal wave. He was no longer on Talos V; he was at an open square. It was a marketplace; it should be loud and alive, full of people. Kirk looked around, he recognized it; it was Tarsus IV; he realized. But it was empty.

_‘Tom?’ Kirk asked._

_‘Maybe we should go back, Jim,’ Thomas said._

_‘No, no,’ Kirk wanted to get to the electric motorcycles. In the adult upheaval, they might be unguarded._

_‘I really think we should go back,’ Thomas insisted, scared._

_‘Yes, yes,’ Kirk thought as his adult self, they could not stay here. But child-Kirk rebelled._

_‘Nothing will happen, Tom, don’t you wanna try the bikes?’_

_A shot was fired behind them, and then another. Kirk turned around in a haze, unable to change the memory. Tom’s parents; he had almost not recognized them at first, falling over from the blast. The line of people waiting was endless, and the militiaman kept shooting fast, three shots every moment, bam, bam, bam._

_Tom was screaming, running towards the blasts. One soldier from the militia had seen them, non-adult Kirk jumped on his friend instead of on the guard. But the blast had hit Tom on the side of his face. The skin was melting from the bones._

_The guard ran towards them again, and Kirk pulled at his friend._

_‘Jim, we gotta save them, we gotta…’ Tom rasped, like he didn’t know he had been shot, before Kirk pushed them into the hole of the sewer system. The foul stench and the infinite deep black hole swallowed them up like a gigantic beast._

_Kirk screamed like he had never screamed before, the melted skin from his friend still stuck to his hand, as they struggled against the foul sewers and the darkness. _

Kirk opened his eyes and gasped for air. He stared up in Fleet Captain Pike’s blue eyes.

‘Thank you, Captain Kirk,’ the Talosian said, apparently content.

‘You are free to leave,’ the alien said to Pike.

Not hesitating, Pike half dragged Kirk out in the fresh air of Talos V. Kirk was unable to respond. The woken nightmare of Tarsus still engulfed him.

Far away, Kirk thought he heard Spock say something and Fleet Captain Pike replying.

‘Spock to Enterprise, six to beam up.’ And then the familiar tingling of the transporter.

* * *

Kirk woke up to the humming of Doctor McCoy’s medical tricorder in his face. He tried to get up, but Dr. McCoy pushed him back.

‘Don’t get up just yet,’ McCoy ordered.

‘Bones,’ Kirk said. He stared up at the ceiling at the Enterprise sickbay.

‘What happened?’

His memories of the event were still tangled with those of Tarsus.

‘Jim, you fainted from mental exhaustion, you still have a low blood pressure,’ McCoy explained and pointed at the indicators above his head. Mostly Kirk was ashamed, fainting in front of the away-team and Fleet Captain Pike.

‘The Talosians?’ Kirk asked.

‘Spock said they let you go; it was a trap.’ Kirk had surmised that much.

‘Fleet Captain Pike has also beamed up.’ On this Kirk sat up in alert. He looked around the sickbay, expecting Pike to be there.

‘Spock took the liberty of finding accommodation for him, he will not be returning to Talos,’ McCoy said. 

He needed to find Pike. How could the man have accepted having sex with someone against his will? He needed medical attention, and someone to sort out the psychological trauma.

Kirk wanted it to be him, but that would be extremely inappropriate. It needed to be Bones.

‘You shouldn’t be getting up, Jim,’ McCoy said with little conviction that Kirk would do as he was told.

‘Did you give Fleet Captain Pike a full physical?’ Kirk demanded; last time he had seen Pike, the man had been on the brink of death, confined to a wheelchair, unable to communicate. Now, he might be even more damaged.

Spock had risked the ship, _his ship_, to get to Talos, damn well if he wasn’t going to find out what had happened down there. Those bizarre creatures, what had they not forced on Pike?

They had submitted Kirk himself to some of the most horrific mind-torture. Pike had been down there for years, no way of telling what had happened in that time.

‘I will, Jim, but he honestly seemed in perfect health.’

‘I don’t care if he looks like he can run a marathon blindfolded, he needs the full physical,’ Kirk said.

McCoy nodded:

‘He also seemed concerned that you were not disturbed in sickbay, did something happen down on the planet?’

Kirk looked at McCoy with suspicion. He was not ready to talk about it.

‘I wouldn’t recommend it as a holiday retreat.’ Some of it had been pleasant, if he hadn’t known afterwards that his partner had been forced to participate.

‘Well, most of it,’ Kirk admitted.

‘Most of it, Jim?’ McCoy was not that easy to fool.

‘Don’t go there, Bones,’ he just said. McCoy checked the instruments.

‘I am ordering you to rest, Spock is taking us out of Talosian space as we speak.’ Kirk nodded. Sleep sounded pleasant.

‘And if I hear you have gone anywhere near the bridge, I am going to sedate you into next week.’

Kirk rolled his eyes. He could take a hint, and there was no doubt that Bones had it in him with the sedatives.

‘And Bones, check up on Pike,’ Kirk said, yawning, before leaving sickbay. He was tired and he needed a shower. He swore that the foul fumes from the sewers on Tarsus still lingered in his nose.

Alone in his quarters, he tore off his uniform and wrapped a towel around him. The shirt was ripped anyway. He threw it in the incinerator. If he was lucky no-one would disturb him for a very long time.

The odor of the sewers, and of the rotting corpses, had lingered when he and Thomas had finally emerged from the black hole.

Bodies were scattered everywhere in the heat. The taste of vomit was permanently stuck to his tongue. It was the taste of being a coward. He had not, as Thomas, been shot by trying to save the adults. He had been a coward, running with his tail between his legs. Half subconsciously, he was scrubbing his arm violently under the shower.

Only when he saw a faint trace of blood, that was quickly washed away by the water, did he stop. He was breathing hard, and he was hyperventilating. Time to stop the bath.

Kirk realized that he must have been in the bath for a long time; his skin had gone soft and wriggled. He should have said yes to a sedative from Bones. He doubted that he would be able to sleep.

A beep indicated that someone was at the door. Thinking it was Spock, he threw on a pair of boxers and opened it. It was definitely not Spock. Fleet Captain Pike also looked like he thought he had interrupted at the wrong time.

‘Is this a bad time, captain?’ Pike asked carefully. It clearly was, but Kirk made no effort in getting him to leave.

‘No, no. I was gonna see how you were, as soon as Bones cleared me for service, anyway.’ Pike nodded. Pike studied Kirk’s arm for a moment, where the skin was scratched off.

‘Did you do that yourself or were you injured on the planet?’ Genuine concern in his voice. Kirk looked down, hiding the arm out of view, and didn’t answer.

‘The Talosians have a way of asking for too much. I had hoped that they would not do that to you.’ The other thing they had had to do being left unspoken. ‘Yeah. I am just getting some clothes,’ Kirk said distracted.

‘Probably a good idea, we can talk later,’ Pike said calmly. But Kirk didn’t want to be alone right now. He needed someone there, just for a moment, just to regain his composure.

‘Well, I don’t have anything better to do, Bones will have my ass if I turn up on the bridge. I just need some pants,’ Kirk said and disappeared to the bathroom to throw on his training pants, Starfleet issued, and a black undershirt.

He knew Pike technically was his superior in rank, but somehow being exposed to him was better than to his subordinates, even Spock. He had to hold a facade when being in the role as captain, one where he couldn’t show any weakness.

Pike had sat down on a chair. Waiting for him to return. Pike wore a black shirt and standard issued pants. Kirk sat down in front of him. He let out a sigh.

‘So, Spock found temporary accommodation for you?’ Kirk asked.

‘Yeah, he is very efficient. I missed him; he is an extraordinary officer.’

‘Yeah, I keep forgetting that he also was your science officer,’ Kirk said and touched the scratches on his arm. They had bled through the fabric. As soon as he noticed, he stopped touching them.

‘You really need that looked at.’

Kirk shrugged, if he turned up in sickbay with an injury like that, no telling what Bones would do.

‘Truth be told, I am worried. I crossed a line with the deception. And I can see I am not wrong.’ Pike nodded towards Kirk’s arm. Kirk considered a moment; it had not been Pike that had forced that memory from Tarsus from him. What could…?

‘Oh, no, no, with the sex?’ Kirk asked, answering it immediately: ‘No, that was…’ Pretty nice, rather hot, would do it again if I were certain that you volunteered, sorry, you were coerced by weird aliens? ‘…fine.’ 

Pike breathed out, relieved.

‘That was not was caused this…’ He looked down at his arm again and panic flooded into his mind like a tidal wave, the memory that was supposed to have been suppressed making itself known again.

‘It was the memory they took…’ Kirk did really not wasn’t to talk about this now. The memory of Tarsus forced dread and the fear of drowning in the darkness. He gagged, the smell of the burned flesh of his friend, the stench of the sewers entered his nose.

Kirk ran to the toilet, and dry heaved. For a moment he thought the danger had passed before he emptied the content of his stomach into the bowl. He needed to go to bed. It was all in his head, Kirk told himself, he was not sick, he could deal with this. He hoped that Pike would have left.

But he could hear Pike enter the small bathroom.

‘Should I call Doctor McCoy?’ Pike asked concerned, Kirk turned around, he was not risking getting up just yet.

‘Is there anyone else on board that…’ Kirk shook his head. There was no-one he could show weakness to. He was the captain.

‘The memory was…?’ Pike asked carefully.

‘I was on Tarsus V, when…’

Pike paled, understanding the implications: ‘Oh.’

‘We hid in the sewers, Tom and me.' He had never told anyone before.’ They had hidden afterwards. Washed off and waited to die. Kirk had thought he was dying. They had been vomiting from the water in the sewers afterwards. They had even been sick when the supply ships had come, and he had thought Tom was dead from the festering wound on his face.

‘I was sick for days after that.’ Tears ran down his face, he didn’t know why he was crying now. Not even when Tom had been murdered by Kodos’ daughter had he cried.

‘The Talosians have a way around people’s minds,’ Pike said bitterly. Kirk would agree with him on that one.

‘Why did the Talosians want us to come, anyway?’

‘They are scientists and collectors; they were angry when Vina died. They wanted to see human procreation. I protested and hoped that no one would come. I had not foreseen that it would be the Enterprise that would turn up.’ Pike took a long look at Jim, who was leaning back again towards the toilet bowl.

‘Do you need to throw up again?’ Pike asked worried.

‘No.’ For the moment, he could hold it together.

‘Then, if you don’t want me to call Doctor McCoy, please at least let me follow you back to bed.’ Kirk nodded, his own bed and perhaps some sleep might make Tarsus go away again.

Pike helped him to stand up and got him to lie down again on the bed. He was happy he had selected casual clothes so that Pike would at least be spared helping him to get undressed. Pike pulled a blanket over him and went to the bathroom again to get him a glass of water.

When Pike returned, he sat down next to him on the bed.

‘Could you stay until I fall asleep?’ Kirk asked, this was an outrageous request, he knew, as soon as the words had left his mouth, but he just wanted to be safe, and Pike felt very safe.

It surprised him when Pike nodded as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

‘Of course.’

* * *

Kirk didn’t know when Pike had left his quarters; he was gone when Kirk woke up. He woke by a stinging sensation from his arm. Maybe he should go down to Bones and confess, then at least he could get some dermal plasters. As he sat up, he noticed dermal plasters on the nightstand and a note, with what he would assume was Pike’s handwriting.

’_Does not substitute a trip to sickbay._’ He couldn’t help but smile.

It was already halfway through alpha-shift when he finally got to the bridge. Spock got up to leave the chair to Kirk; he raised an eyebrow to show that Kirk’s appearance on the bridge surprised him.

‘Doctor McCoy said that you needed to rest,’ Spock said. It was easier when those two didn’t talk.

‘I have rested, Mr. Spock,’ Kirk said, he was not going to stay away any longer. He also needed to make a report to Starfleet on the Talosian mission.

‘Mr. Spock, could you send me your recommendations and observations regarding Talos, so I can write up a complete report?’ Kirk asked.

‘I already wrote up a first draft,’ Spock replied. Kirk turned his chair around to look at Spock.

‘I also wrote a preliminary statement indicating the outcome of the mission.’ This was new.

‘Commodore Pike might also have assisted me with some insights.’ Ah, that explained it. Apparently, Pike had... wait? Commodore, when did that happen?

‘Commodore Pike!?’ Kirk asked, this was the last time he slept for the first part of alpha shift. When had Pike been promoted?

‘I was apparently promoted posthumously,’ Pike said with an awry smile as he entered the bridge, clearly having heard half of the conversation.

Was Pike going to take away his command? Kirk considered. Pike had even witnessed some evidence last night that Kirk was unfit for duty. Well, Kirk was not going to leave the chair unless asked directly, even if Pike was the most senior officer on the bridge.

Pike did, however, not insist on taking the chair.

‘We have a subspace communication from Admiral Fitzgerald,’ Uhura said.

‘It is on the secure channel, marked confidential.’

‘Okay, I’ll take it in the conference room.’ Kirk got up and looked from Pike to Spock to see who would sit down on the chair. Pike was still standing up, arms crossed. Spock looked from Kirk to Pike and back again. If Kirk didn’t know any better, he would think Spock was amused.

Pike made a gesture to Spock, giving him permission to take the chair.

‘Spock, you have the bridge,’ Kirk said. Assured that Pike was not interfering in the command structure of the Enterprise, he left. Sure, Pike’s eyes were following him the whole way into the turbo-lift.

* * *

‘Admiral Fitzgerald,’ Kirk greeted, opening the visual comm link.

‘Jim,’ the admiral greeted back, ‘your first officer told me that the energy phenomenon bordering Talosian space was an illusion?’

Kirk nodded.

‘Yes, that will also be in report,’ Kirk said, he really didn’t want to discuss the Talosians with the admiral. The superficial report without any detail, which Spock had drafted, would serve fine.

‘I hear that you retrieved Commodore Pike from the Talosians?’ And he really didn’t need to discuss Christopher Pike as well.

‘Yes, he is on board...’ Kirk said stiffly.

‘With regard to his serious injuries, does he require special medical attention?’ Fitzgerald asked. Kirk thought about the disfigured and dying man they left on Talos years previously.

‘I have not seen Doctor McCoy’s final report. But no, I think he is fine,’ Kirk said with hesitation. Fitzgerald nodded.

‘Good.’

Kirk had a creeping feeling that the admiral didn’t ask because he was genuinely concerned for Commodore Pike.

‘I am sending you on a deep space mission again. I need you to leave immediately for Yssarium V,’ he said. Kirk nodded; this was as expected. They had still half a year left of their five-year exploratory mission.

‘What am I supposed to do with Commodore Pike in that duration?’ Kirk would have preferred if Pike wouldn’t have to stay on board the Enterprise for longer than necessary. The commodore’s continued presence made him uneasy for reasons better not contemplated.

‘If he is in no immediate danger, he won’t mind a minor detour. I am sure you can find somewhere to store him. You have your orders, Fitzgerald out.’ The comm link closed.

The transmission was followed by the written orders for the Enterprise.

Kirk sighed and tapped his fingers against the table for a moment. He would have preferred dropping Pike off on Earth. He glanced at the written orders on the screen. This was going to take at least six months, if not more.

A mining colony that hadn’t reported in according to schedule? That could be anything, that an invasion was imminent. Kirk didn’t like it, not any of it. But at this point, there was not much else to do than to follow orders.

With the new orders, Captain Kirk returned to the bridge.

To his relief, Spock was still in the Captain’s chair when he got back. Pike was currently occupying the science station. Six months were a long time to keep Commodore Pike away from that chair.

‘Sulu, change course, we are going to the Pavera mining colony on Yssarium V.’ That turned some heads, as expected. The crew had expected that they would return to federation space for shore leave.

A lot of people would become disappointed.

‘They have not checked in and we are the only fitted ship that can be spared,’ Captain Kirk explained.

‘Aye, aye, captain,’ Sulu said; Pike smiled at Spock while giving back the science station. Saying something in an indistinct voice, Spock nodded.

Kirk wanted to ask what they were discussing in such conspiring voices. But he refrained.

‘Course laid in?’

‘Course laid in, sir.’

‘Warp factor five, Mr. Sulu.’

‘Warp factor five,’ Sulu confirmed.

Pike was still standing next to the science station. For some reason, Kirk did not know, this annoyed him immensely. He huffed and tried not to look towards Pike and Spock. They appeared to be on very friendly terms. Pike leaned over and pressed one of the panels on Spock’s station.

‘You’re right, sir,’ Spock said, ‘that did improve the accuracy.’

Kirk was going to explode. Was Commodore Pike just cozying up to Spock? And what annoyed him even more, he didn’t even know why he felt like that.

‘Is it something you would like to share with us, Mr. Spock?’ Kirk asked, boiling over; he might not be able to order Commodore Pike to answer. But Spock was his XO and not Commodore Pike’s.

‘Commodore Pike was demonstrating a very interesting way of tuning the long range scanner,’ Spock said matter-of-factly. 

Great, now Pike was showing off to Spock. There it was, that sensation of un-ease.

* * *

‘He is driving me absolutely insane, Bones,’ Kirk said frustrated, taking a sip of the Andorian ale, McCoy had poured for him.

‘Well, you can be glad that he is in perfect health. He is not gonna drop dead anytime soon,’ the Doctor said happily. That might be a bit drastic. It was not like Kirk wanted Pike to drop dead, just to remove himself from Kirk’s ship.

‘He optimized the scanners on Spock’s station,’ Kirk complained, and stared into his glass.

‘That would have upset the pointy ears bastard,’ McCoy took a generous sip from his ale.

‘No, Spock just thanked him, for crying out loud,’ Kirk gritted his teeth. Why was this bothering him so much?

McCoy stared at his glass, answering the question on Kirk’s tongue. ‘So that is why you are upset, Jim. You are afraid Spock likes him better than you.’

‘What am I going to do with him for six months?’ Kirk asked and purposefully ignored the doctor’s observation.

‘I don’t know, Jim, ask him to head one of the departments currently without a department head.’ At this point half of the senior positions were not filled; and that did produce some challenges on a daily basis.

‘There have been some vacant positions,’ Kirk thought aloud. This might be the answer. With the right position, he and Commodore Pike would barely see each other for the next six months.

* * *

‘Commodore Pike is probably not pleased that his return to Earth is delayed several months,’ Spock said.

‘Admiral Fitzgerald said, I could find a place to store him,’ Kirk sighed.

‘Captain I may not be an expert in these matters, but as I take it, if he was referring to Commodore Pike’s previous disability, I find it highly offensive.’

Kirk sighed.

‘I need a recommendation, Spock,’ Kirk said. Drinking a sip from his drink and moving a pawn to another level of the game.

‘My experience with leaders in Starfleet is that they become bored and proactive in ways that not always is in the best interest of running a starship,’ Kirk observed. 

Spock raised an eyebrow and moved his queen.

‘Talking about yourself or Commodore Pike, Jim?’

‘A joke, Spock?’ Kirk asked. Spock didn’t flinch.

‘Vulcans do not joke.’ No reason to be subtle about it then.

‘You have known Commodore Pike for a long time, what do you recommend I do with him until we get back to Earth?’

‘There are not any responsibilities suited for a Starfleet commodore aboard a single constitution class starship,’ Spock observed.

Kirk sighed, except from captaining it; and that was the entire problem. Spock paused for a second. Knowing Spock, the hesitation was probably for dramatic effect.

‘It would be highly irregular, but you could ask him to act as personnel officer,’ Spock suggested with some caution.

Kirk looked up in surprise.

‘That duty falls under the XO.’ And Spock would already know that.

Spock raised an eyebrow like it was news to him, however.

‘Jim, I find that dealing with ordinary human issues on a day-to-day basis is not my main competence.’

Kirk thought Spock was doing rather well. And it was unlikely that a Starfleet commodore would settle on duties fitted for a commander.

‘I am not sure Commodore Pike would accept that task,’ Kirk said, moving the last piece. ‘Checkmate,’ he said. Spock got up to leave at his loss. 

‘You do not know before you ask him, and I do believe you are misjudging him.’

* * *

‘I admit that I was planning on transporting back to Earth,’ Pike said, studying Captain Kirk for any clues as to why he was given this offer. ‘And personnel officer? That is the XO’s duty. I am not under the impression that you are unhappy with Spock?’ Pike eyed him suspiciously.

‘It was Spock that suggested it,’ Kirk said. It did appear to settle some doubts with Commodore Pike. A flash of something like annoyance filled his mind. Was he jealous of Spock now?

‘Okay, that might be a bit unconventional, but then I accept the position.’ Pike flashed a smile. Why was that man always so confident?

‘One thing, commodore, while you serve on my ship, there can be no doubt who is the captain,’ Captain Kirk said, a warning laced his voice.

Pike nodded calmly: ‘Of course, captain, I wouldn’t come between you and the Enterprise.’


	2. Locked in

It felt real, as Pike looked into the burning shuttle, unable to do anything. Vina screamed as the flames engulfed her. He knew that it was only because the Talosians wanted him to show a reaction. They had a talent for the theatrical, and they thought Captain Kirk would be easier to coerce into procreation, if his potential mate was in distress.

Pike was in distress all right, as he desperately looked into the endless flames. Vina screamed even higher, as the flames swallowed her form and finally silenced her. He was shaking; Vina had died peacefully. Or at least the Talosians had made him believe that. Now, they made him believe that she died a horrific death.

The heavy icy rain soaked him through, as he stared resignedly into the burning inferno. 

Pike woke up in a cold sweat. To have nightmares was a reminder he had really left Talos. He didn’t have bad dreams on Talos. Only living nightmares, when the Talosians had been particularly unhappy with him.

‘Lights 20%.’ Commodore Pike sat up. He touched the scar on his face. The surrounding skin was strangely lumpy and unfamiliar. During his time on Talos, it had been covered in an illusion. It now served as a reminder, which the Talosians had not removed. 

Far worse, however, was the ever present guilt, which was left as an ever present reminder of his lost integrity. Of the crime he had committed. He knew that the only right thing to do was to turn himself in, to accept a due punishment. If he had had any decency left, he would have.

When they returned to Earth, he would. Was it a worthless excuse? Yes. Was he coward enough to hope that Captain Kirk would ask Spock to arrest him? Definitely.

In all practicality, he had forced Captain Kirk into a non-consensual intercourse.

The Talosians had made a trap; they wanted to study reproduction. They had forced Pike to choose with whom. He had been so desperate when he found out it was the Enterprise that he had agreed. Desperate that no harm should come to the away team.

It was not even a real excuse.

He had selected the captain; it was always the captain. But he had made a desperately wrong decision. Tarsus, that said it all.

It was an inconvenience that the Enterprise had been sent to a deep space mission, but truthfully, it was also a relief. He didn’t want to face the admiralty.

Starfleet command had been bad enough in his injured state; they had stopped viewing him as a person. They had seen him as a burden, even saying so when he was there. Just because he couldn’t speak, didn’t mean he couldn’t hear.

There was no question, he had really no choice but to resign his commission. But who was Pike when he left Starfleet? He had been in Starfleet his entire adult life. He was nothing. Had no family, almost no friends to speak of. So, a delay in Enterprise’s arrival to Earth was a relief.

He was, in fact, grateful that he had been given something to do. It was a sympathetic gesture. Pike thrived badly when idle, and being in charge of personnel was something he liked. He was grateful that Captain Kirk hadn’t put him in charge of the astrophysics lab.

He looked through the system Kirk and Spock had implemented for personnel. It appeared to contain traces of the structure Number One had used, but it was difficult to find the logic in it.

Belay that, of course there was logic in it, Spock had made the system. The question was, which logic? Pike would need to ask Spock. He didn’t want to change it too radically. Pike reminded himself this was a temporary position. He would be leaving as soon as they reached Earth.

Clearly, the Enterprise was on the last year of their five-year mission as well. Several department heads were missing, and the positions had been left unfilled, some of them for years.

Four of the science labs did not have any team leads, and no-one had headed the psychiatric department since... Pike quickly looked through the personnel files. Great, the psychiatrist had died four years previously and had not been replaced as well. He wondered how that was working. Did they just go to Doctor McCoy?

Montgomery Scott, who was the chief engineer appeared to run a tight ship. But the team maintaining the shuttle-crafts comprised of just two ensigns. Probably, there should be moved extra resources to the shuttles.

Pike looked through the personnel files for the four science labs without team leads, drafting a list of people who might be suitable for the positions. 

Some departments appeared to keep up with the personal development interviews for all crew members, like engineering, but some others were not doing it periodically. Worst was linguistic sciences, which technically had four distinct people who could be responsible. They had not held a single one in the last four years besides the personnel that lieutenant Uhura was responsible for.

He quickly drew up a recommended scheme for which officer was in charge of which interview. That, of course, would need both the captain’s and Spock’s approval.

Pike had no intentions of questioning Kirk or Spock’s authority or their abilities as a command team. They did appear to, mostly, be a skilled and competent team. However, it appeared that Kirk was not particularly structured and that Spock’s strong points did not include personnel handling.

If he was not going to annoy Captain Kirk any more than he was already, he needed some advice. Hopefully, Doctor McCoy, who seemed to be a friend to the captain, might also provide some insight into who was acting as the ship’s counselor.

The ship had a high death rate. Something that was expected of flagship missions. But it was also something that would usually make the morale go down. So, the crew would need to have someone to talk to.

* * *

‘Commodore Pike,’ McCoy said sourly, not getting up at attention. Apparently, it was not only Captain Kirk that found his presence annoying.

‘Please call me Chris,’ Commodore Pike said, pleasantly.

‘I see you are back in uniform?’ The doctor looked up for a second.

‘Yeah, I almost forgot how yellow they are,’ Pike said awkwardly looking at his yellow command uniform, the gold insignia on the sleeves added to the look.

‘So, do you need my help as a doctor? I thought you wanted to wait until you got back to Earth with…?’ Pike waved him off; he should clarify that this was not a personal call.

‘No, no, nothing like that. I need your advice,’ Pike said. McCoy shrugged.

‘That is not my department, I am a doctor, not a counselor.’

At least that ruled out the possibility that Doctor McCoy was the one people ran to in lieu of a counselor. The doctor rudely began reading on his PADD again.

‘I am worried that the captain feels threatened by my presence,’ Pike tried tentatively. It made McCoy put the PADD down again.

‘Whatever gave you that idea?’ McCoy asked sarcastically. He didn’t wait for a reply. ‘He thinks you will take away the Enterprise from him. Nothing like when the ship’s old boyfriend turns up.’ Pike smiled at the analogy.

McCoy poured himself a whiskey. Offering Pike some as well; Pike politely shook his head.

‘I have been put in charge of personnel resources,’ Pike explained.

‘Yeah, I’ve heard,’ the doctor shrugged.

‘What do I do?’

‘Nothing! Sure, you don’t want any?’ The doctor offered the bottle again.

Yep, the ship definitely lacked a proper counselor. Angry doctor with a drinking problem wasn’t working.

* * *

Kirk came to him next.

‘You changed the duty roster for gamma shift?’ Kirk asked accusingly.

‘Yeah, but we can change it back again?’ By the sound of Kirk’s voice, they were definitely changing it back again.

‘You better come in,’ Pike said calmly. He didn’t want to fight in the hallway. He could see that Kirk was agitated. It was completely understandable. With the change in command structure and him taking over parts of the first officer’s responsibilities.

‘I noticed that four officers have been on gamma-shift for the past four years; two of them have requested a transfer,’ Pike explained.

Kirk shook his head; he still seemed agitated.

‘Are you okay, Captain?’ Pike asked, as Kirk seemed to relax sitting down for a moment. Kirk was hiding his face in his hands, drawing in a sharp breath. 

Pike suspected this was about something else than gamma shift.

‘If you want to talk about it, captain, it’s okay,’ Pike offered, actually he had noticed that Kirk seemed to pull off both alpha and beta shift at the same time, and sometimes part of gamma shift.

Kirk sighed again. Not talking about it was also okay. But he knew from experience that the chair, especially on a deep space mission, could get very lonely.

Kirk sat in front of him, clearly he didn’t know what to say or do. He didn’t appear to be leaving either.

‘I am going to resign from Starfleet when we get back, you know,’ Pike said, thinking maybe offering something of himself would allow Kirk to open up. Kirk looked up in surprise.

‘What, why?’

It was a simple choice, really. Pike thought to himself. He disliked most of the admiralty and if he was ever going anywhere near a J class cruiser again; he would throw himself out of an airlock.

But of course that was not the important part; he would return to Earth to face his just punishment.

It was a wonder that Captain Kirk could even bear to look at him

‘I don’t think it is the right place for me anymore,’ Pike said plainly. He was not seeking pity, but it was the truth.

‘Your improvements to the personnel structure are much appreciated,’ Captain Kirk said, clearly finding this conversation to be awkward. Pike knew that that was probably the only agreeable thing Kirk would have to say to him, but it was nice of Kirk to complement him.

Pike knew he was just as needy as a freshman ensign, but, truth be told, commanding officers got very little encouragement. Usually, no comments meant that they were doing their job.

‘Thanks, captain. I really appreciate being given the chance to do something I like,’ Pike said. Kirk made a strained smile.

‘Why do you keep calling me captain? You can call me Jim. I told you that when we first meet,’ the captain said tiredly. Pike took that in for a moment.

‘Eh, I thought that was under another pretense?’

‘It still applies.’

Unsure how to interpret that, Pike tried to offer something too: ‘Well, I would prefer if you called me Chris, it’s short for Christine.’ Kirk started laughing.

‘I am definitely gonna call you Christine.’ Pike didn’t really think Kirk would call him that. ‘I’ll call you it in front of Spock.’ Pike knew when he was being teased. It actually felt good. ‘Oh no, you are not.’ Pike laughed, thinking that this definitely wasn’t a laughing matter.

‘So, what was it you went down here to tell me?’ Pike asked, better get the business part over with, now Kirk had lightened up a little.

‘I wanted to thank you, for you know, getting me dermal plasters and getting me to bed. I don’t know what came over me.’ Pike knew exactly what came over him. The Talosians could really get into one’s mind.

‘It’s all right.’

‘And thanks for not telling Bones,’ Jim continued. Pike sighed, he didn’t see why the captain didn’t go to see the doctor, but he would not force him to do so. ‘I still think you should get help, but maybe Doctor McCoy is not the best shrink for the job.’

Kirk waved his hand dismissively.

‘If you are feeling unwell again, you are always welcome to call me,’ Pike said. ‘Sure.’

‘You are welcome to sleep at the couch. I know how tough it can be being alone after…’ Pike stopped; he was going to say after Vina died.

Kirk stared suspiciously at the couch.

‘Why do you even have a couch? I didn’t know the Enterprise had this sizeable rooms, it even has a view.’ Pike guessed that it was because Spock had been in charge of the room allocation.

‘It’s twice the size of my room,’ Kirk complained.

‘Don’t worry, you can get it in the next six to eight months,’ Pike said.

* * *

Pike awoke as usual from a nightmare he could not recall. Some lingering memory that might have been his accident, might have been something else. 

Might have been the feeling of not being able to move. To speak, to communicate. To be trapped in a body that knew only pain. To be treated as a ghost. He had wondered if he was truly still alive. Doctors and admirals discussed his most private affairs in open like he was not there.

He sat up.

‘Lights 100%.’ Pike removed the blanket. He had in his delirium mistaken the black blanket for the chair they had trapped him in. He stared at his hands. They were moving, undamaged, courtesy of the Talosians.

‘You have really beautiful nail beds*.’ Echoed in his mind, from a different life. He still had; the Talosians had done an expert job.

He looked at the clock. It was 4 AM. But he would not get any more sleep. He needed a run, a run that would go on and on and tear at his muscles like nothing else.

He put on a t-shirt and training pants. The Enterprise had been refitted, but it was still the same ship; he began relaxing as he jogged through the empty corridors. It was home. He corrected himself; it had been home. He felt a pang of regret; he was speeding up, making his muscles hurt more. 

This place should be home. He forced his mind to imagine that it was still that, and that he was not a passenger on a too brief journey.

That he was still a young commander, eager to impress. Or a captain in a well-run command team, and that his friends were here. But there was indeed no permanence. He slowed down when he came to the mess hall. It was probably deserted. He could get a cup of tea and then return to his room before alpha shift.

He was, to be honest, surprised to find Kirk already there, reading on a PADD.

‘Good morning,’ Pike greeted, making Kirk look up for a moment. ‘G’morning,’ Kirk replied less than enthusiastically. Pike got a tea from the replicator, opting for his breakfast as well. Not wanting to disturb the captain at this time, he sat down on the opposite side of the mess hall.

It surprised him when Kirk got up and went to his table.

‘Do you mind if I join you?’

‘Sure,’ Pike took a spoonful of his oatmeal.

Pike was slightly conscious that he at the moment was wearing training clothes and was drenched in sweat. Kirk was wearing his uniform. He wanted to ask whether Kirk had gone to bed at all. But actually, that was none of his business.

There were shadowy circles under the captain’s eyes.

‘I was just going over the suggestions for promotions you drafted up,’ the captain said tiredly. ‘Yeah?’ Pike was suddenly the eager first officer again, wanting the approval of his captain. ‘Approved,’ Kirk said shortly, no other comments. Pike could live with that.

‘They will appreciate that, sir.’ The last word came out of his mouth like a reflex. Kirk had noticed it, he grinned. But he didn’t comment on the slip. A flash of something akin to tenderness was visible for a brief moment over his face.

‘So, you run,’ Kirk was trying to make conversation.

‘Well, it has been a while.’ Pike scratched himself on the back of his neck. ‘Oh yes, of course it has, I am sorry, I wasn’t thinking,’ Kirk blushed embarrassed. It hadn’t been Pike’s intension to make Kirk feel awkward.

‘Don’t worry about it, I should get back and shower before the shift starts.’ Pike collected his tray and mug. ‘You don’t have to go…’ Kirk looked up at him with his big brown eyes, he was holding Pike’s lower arm in a firm grip.

Crew members on alpha shift was going to eat breakfast soon, so Pike preferred a shower before.

Their eyes locked.

‘Jim, I really need to go shower.’ But he didn’t want to. He wanted to stay longer; he wasn’t moving his arm. ‘You can bring the PADD, we can talk in my quarters,’ Pike decided; Kirk let go, hesitating.

‘Well, come on then,’ Pike said, urging Kirk along, when the other man didn’t protest.

* * *

‘Do you mind if I go take a shower?’ Pike asked casually. Kirk sat down on the couch. ‘No, I’ll just finish with this,’ Kirk indicated at his PADD. Pike had always taken pride in being impeccably dressed. He checked the faint line running across his face, before fixing his hair. It had definitely gotten grayer. Not much of it was still black. He pulled on his gold uniform.

He hoped that Kirk hadn’t become bored and left. Kirk, however, had not left. He had fallen asleep in a strange position and was snoring lightly.

Pike looked at the ship’s clock. There was still an hour to the shift began. He put a blanket over the sleeping captain and went to review his schedule for the day.

He was slightly nauseous. ‘Are you feeling all right?’ Captain Kirk asked suddenly, Pike hadn’t even noticed that the other man was awake. Pike felt lightheaded.

Normally, he didn’t get motion sickness, but ever since he had been back at the Enterprise, he had noticed that he was getting spells of dizziness. Pike was contributing it to his prolonged stay on the ground.

‘Sure.’ He straightened up, looking back at Kirk, who was again sitting on Pike’s couch, sorting through reports.

‘Got up too fast,’ Pike explained. Kirk nodded, looking down at the PADD again, thankfully not drilling more into it.

* * *

Kirk was impressed with the draft that Pike had made for promotions, considering that he barely knew any of them, the promotions felt right, and some of them were very overdue.

After Commodore Pike had kept off the bridge, he found the presence of the other man on board the ship easier. And it was nice that someone was helping with personnel issues. With a ship complement of over 400, it was difficult to keep everybody happy after four years in space.

Pike had also made a short draft of accomplishments from the records that Kirk should mention when informing them of their promotions. He even made a pop-up note on Uhura’s file, saying that as a new department head, she should have two yeomen attached for the first month, so it would be easier for her to schedule the management of the department.

‘Lieutenant, please come in,’ Captain Kirk said pleasantly, showing the seat in front of him. He rarely held private meetings with her, so she looked slightly nervous why she had been called into the conference room alone with him.

‘Have I done something wrong, captain?’ She asked, looking nervous. He smiled to put her at ease. ‘No, on the contrary, lieutenant. I have not been good enough to express how happy I am with the work you have done the past four years.’ She relaxed a little.

‘Thank you, captain.’ She tried peaking at his PADD.

‘As you might know, the ship has not had a department head of the linguistic department so far.’

Uhura nodded, ‘Yeah, that is a bit unusual, but we have managed.’

‘No, you haven’t. There are 35 people in that department, and it looks like you are doing most of the work.’

‘Well, if you are looking for a suggestion, Lt. Simms would be very capable of…’

If she didn’t want the personnel responsibility Kirk had no intention of forcing her. As she had not had a personal development interview for the past four years, Kirk didn’t really know what her long-term career plans were. ‘Does that mean that you would be opposed to being department head of linguistics?’ He asked carefully. She blinked in surprise.

‘Excuse me?’

‘You would also be promoted to Lt. Cmdr.’

She didn’t look completely put off. That was good as she was definitely the most qualified for the position, and her personal skills would make the transition easier for everyone involved. She already had command experience as she was the chief of communications.

‘Can I still serve on the bridge?’ She asked hopefully. ‘Of course, you will still be chief communication officer,’ he said. Kirk preferred to have Uhura on the bridge.

She considered a moment, as he continued ‘As the department of linguistic is not greatly organized, I won’t kid you, you will be in for some overtime. I am assigning extra hands on the administrative work, but you will be the one doing the hard part.’ She definitely didn’t look like she minded, she looked like she had difficulty containing her enthusiasm.

‘Then I accept the position, captain, and thank you.’ Kirk was feeling pretty happy with himself.

* * *

Kirk had asked the helm to scan for suitable M-class planets for a scheduled shore-leave. As captain he was the last to notice that the crew was getting tired, but they were. He sank down in a chair in sickbay next to McCoy, looking longingly towards the whiskey.

McCoy poured them two glasses.

‘The crew is tiring of space, Jim.’ Kirk nodded in agreement.

‘I wish we could have a pit stop on the next M-class planet.’ Kirk took a sip of the glass.

‘I thought you were meeting with Spock for chess.’ McCoy asked, taking a big gulp of his own.

‘No, he canceled, didn’t say why.’ Kirk drank a sip.

‘That doesn’t sound like Spock,’ McCoy said. Kirk would agree. ‘I guess we all need our little secrets on a ship like this.’

‘Are you becoming a philosopher, Jim?’ Kirk smiled: ‘A realist.’ Thinking of Commodore Pike, whose quarters he had eaten breakfast in for the past week. Not that there was anything to it. But Kirk had gotten so used to the commodore running every morning, that he had been in the mess hall every morning, when he knew that the commodore would turn up.

He didn’t know why it was so comfortable to sit in Pike’s quarters, it just felt like he was a little less alone when he did.

‘Amen to that,’ McCoy raised his glass.

‘I see that you have efficiently gotten Commodore Pike off the bridge?’ McCoy asked. Yeah, and now Kirk kind of missed him.

‘He is personally holding crew development interviews with all 175 crew members who have not had one for the past year.’ Kirk made eyes. Better Pike than him.

McCoy looked into his glass. ‘I am sure it is not a critique. I guess it is keeping him busy, though.’ McCoy poured another glass.

‘How did Spock take it?’ Bones asked and sipped from his drink. Kirk shrugged.

‘He seems very pleased.’

‘Right.’

* * *

Actually, Spock might not have taken that Commodore Pike was overtaking part of the responsibilities of the first officer very well. He knew Spock; Spock was a very proud man. He might not admit it, but he was someone who was extremely sensitive to critique.

It had also been strange that Spock would cancel their weekly game of chess. He should probably go check up on him. Kirk quickly made his goodbyes to Doctor McCoy and went to Spock’s quarters and hoped that Spock wasn’t doing any weird Vulcan thing.

He knocked once, a pause, before Spock gave him permission to enter. And of course, Pike had to be there. Of course.

‘Jim?’ Spock asked. He was in his uniform, currently playing on his lyre; alone with Commodore Pike.

‘I am sorry that I canceled our chess match, Jim’ Kirk was sure that he wasn’t. Pike, who had been sitting leaned back on Spock’s bed, sat up. He was thankfully also still in full uniform. Spotless and shiny as always. Spock probably also got Pike the special dry-cleaning for those things.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Kirk said, ‘I can see that you are busy.’

‘You are welcome to join us,’ Spock said, Kirk would rather not. Pike had gotten up, with an apologetic grin on his face. And his smile with dimples and everything. ‘No, I just wanted to talk, I wouldn’t want to interrupt anything.’ At that he left.

What was Pike doing together with Spock? Spock was his friend, and Spock had preferred Commodore Pike over him.

Only when the door closed did he realize that he was fuming, almost shaking with rage and something else. He couldn’t really understand why.

Jealousy, perhaps, that Commodore Pike also preferred Spock over him. 

* * *

Pike was unsure why, but since the anniversary of Discovery’s leap into the future, had the captain been unhappy with him.

Spock had asked him to join him. He was the only person who could even know of Spock’s sister.

He had come to him in confidence and asked if Pike would join him in his quarters to talk about Michael. That Spock wanted to talk about his sister witnessed how much the man had grown these last years. How could Pike refuse?

They had talked about the Discovery, about Michael, and it had felt good. He just couldn’t tell Kirk what they had been doing. He would be breaking a wow. But Pike had noticed that Kirk was no longer waiting for him in the mess hall in the morning before alpha shift.

Pike had really hoped that that morning would Kirk be there. He had thought they had been slowly moving into something like friendship, perhaps even something more important than that.

At least Captain Kirk had only been hostile towards him on duty. Now that had, to his regret, changed too. Not that he had deserved Captain Kirk’s kindness.

It was perhaps also a kindness that he had no duties on the bridge. He was busy handling personnel issues, and making sure that lower deck crew members were being heard, and that any concerns they might have were settled.

Some of them were initially a little scared over rank, Pike was used to that, he could handle that. He used a lot of time to explain that this wasn’t performance reviews.

He was just talking to yeoman Yorick, second class, about her problems with the male staff in laboratory D, when they went into yellow alert.

‘I am changing stations for two of the staff for laboratory D. And I will put an end to this,’ Pike said. Tears were still running down her cheeks.

‘If any of this behavior continues, please come to me or one of the other senior staff members,’ Pike said.

She sobbed. ‘Yes, sir.’

He offered her a paper towel. ‘Thank you, sir,’ she sniffed into the towel. He knew how some people got during these long missions. While not directly sexual harassment, the work environment could fast become toxic. This was definitely something that should be dealt with both swiftly and with the least inconvenience to Yeoman Yorick.

The ship went into red alert a minute later.

‘I’ll reschedule the rest of the interview, thank you, yeoman,’ Pike said, as they would have to report to battle stations. Not that Pike had one. The yeoman, however, needed to get to her battle station, and he needed to find somewhere to be that wasn’t too far from the bridge.

Kirk would have everything under control, he kept saying to himself, there was no need for... he received a message: ‘Commodore Pike to the bridge.’ It was Sulu’s voice. Pike ran towards the nearest turbo lift.

* * *

The bridge was bathed in the red light of the alert system. The first thing he noticed was the empty command chair. Pike made a long look towards the helm where Sulu sat.

‘Where is Captain Kirk?’ Pike asked, looking towards the empty science station. Spock was not there either.

‘They beamed down to the planet’s surface with Doctor McCoy to respond to a distress signal,’ Sulu said, pressing frantically at the controls on his station.

‘Something is draining our power, commodore,’ Sulu reported. Pike couldn’t help but sit down in the command chair in pure instinct. He tried to get an overview, quickly.

No-one seemed to mind or question why he was taking command. Which was a little surprising given Captain Kirk’s reluctance towards him being on the bridge at all.

It would hopefully mean that the bridge crew would follow his lead.

Pike pressed the comm-button on the console: ‘Engineering, what is the status down there?’

‘Something is draining our power fast; all systems are setting out, sir,’ Mr. Scott reported, also not asking why Pike was in command.

‘How long time do we have, Mr. Scott?’ Pike asked.

‘At this rate, sir, thirty minutes, then we’ll start losing the containment field around the warp core,’ Mr. Scott reported back. And it was also a hint that Pike should let the engineer get back to work.

‘Okay, I am sure you are doing everything you can, bridge out,’ Pike said.

‘The away team?’ Pike asked Uhura.

‘They are not responding to our hails.’

He needed to deal with the away team later.

‘Okay, keep contacting them.’ Probably it was safer on the planet’s surface than it was up here, anyway.

‘Can we break free of orbit?’ Pike asked.

‘We can’t leave them down there,’ Chekov protested.

‘We are not, Mr. Chekov,’ he said calmly. Chekov didn’t look convinced. Sulu glanced in his direction.

‘No, but I can move us to a geo-stable orbit,’ Sulu said.

‘Do it.’ At least they wouldn’t crash into the planet.

‘Have you scanned the surface?’ he looked towards the empty science station, no, of course they hadn’t recently, probably since before the away team had left.

‘In think Mr. Spock did a scan before the away team left.’

Pike got up and looked at the scanner. Adjusting it and began another scan for anything that could drain their power.

‘There appears to be a structure at these coordinates,’ Pike said and sent the coordinates to the communications station, before going back to the chair.

‘Try hailing them on all frequencies,’ Pike said. Uhura nodded, ‘hailing them on all frequencies now, sir.’ The rest of the structures on the planet had seemed to be rural buildings. The only one that appeared to be advanced enough to answer their hails was the one they were currently hailing. ‘They are answering, audio only,’ Uhura said.

‘On speaker.’

‘This is the temple of the Gods of Antal, why have you come here?’

‘This is Christopher Pike from the USS Enterprise. Something from the planet surface is draining our power.’

The man on the other end answered in a dramatic voice.

‘The Gods have shown their wrath upon you.’ Didn’t really explain much.

‘We don’t have any grievance with you, are you also holding our men down on the planet?’ ‘They have awoken the wrath on us all. They have taken an ornament from the temple.’

‘Ehmm, if they return the ornament, would the wrath stop then?’

‘Yes, once the ornament has been returned, the wrath will stop.’

Whatever Kirk had taken, Pike had no doubt that there was a good reason for it. But no matter what it was, they had to put it back, or face the destruction of the Enterprise.

‘We need to call our men, to ask them to put the ornament back. Could you restore communication?’ Pike asked. ‘Yes, communication has now been restored.’ Okay, that was the easy part. Now he just had to persuade Kirk to put back whatever it was that he had taken.

Pike looked at Uhura. ‘Hail the away team.’ Uhura nodded. ‘Yes, sir, they are responding.’ Uhura was beaming with relief. Pike was also slightly relieved himself. But he knew that this was far from over.

‘On speaker, Lt. Cmdr,’ He said to Uhura.

‘This is Commodore Pike,’ Pike said: ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yes, sir.’ It was Spock. Thank God.

‘We have a slight problem up here; it appears that this planet has the power to drain the energy of the ship.’ Pause. ‘That would be consistent with what we have observed so far on the planet,’ Spock commented.

‘I have just been in contact with someone from the planet who was under the impression that you had removed some sort of ornament from a temple down there?’

‘We have not removed anything; however, I do believe that what could have been referred to is one of the locals.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘A member of the population referred to herself as an ornament.’ If it was a person, possible someone being kept against her will; that would make it more difficult.

‘Where is this woman now?’ And where was Captain Kirk?

‘I believe the last time I saw her, she was with Captain Kirk,’ Spock said hesitantly. Pike looked towards Uhura.

‘The captain is not answering my hails,’ Uhura said.

‘Okay, try to locate Captain Kirk and this person, and see if you can get her to return to the temple, preferably before the hull integrity of the Enterprise collapses,’ Pike said into the comm.

‘Understood, sir. Spock out.’

Pike got up and moved to the scanners. Scanning for Kirk’s comm in the area where the away team had last been.

‘It appears that Captain Kirk’s communicator is at these coordinates, transporter room can you get a lock?’

‘Affirmative, should I beam him up?’

‘No, hold on a minute.’

‘Send the coordinates to Commander Spock.’ Pike tapped his fingers against the armrest.

‘Spock is acknowledging that he has located Captain Kirk,’ Uhura said, relieved.

‘Perfect, put Kirk on,’ Pike said. ‘This is Commodore Pike,’ he continued to say into the comm.

‘Why are you on the bridge, Pike?’ Kirk asked accusingly, no greeting. ‘Where is Sulu?’

Commodore Pike was willing to play commander most of the time. But he was drawing the line here.

‘At the helm. Listen Kirk, they are draining the ship’s power, the hull integrity will begin failing if whoever you have removed from the temple is not returned,’ Pike said, as patiently as he could.

‘They are keeping them as slaves; we need to save her,’ Kirk was angry. It was possible for Pike to see the dilemma, but it didn’t matter. Enterprise took priority.

‘The safety of the Enterprise is the only thing that matters, return her to the temple even if you have to force her.’

‘No, she is a person too,’ Kirk said, displeased. Why did Pike have a feeling that the person in question would turn out to be a young pretty woman with very little clothes on?

‘That is an order, Kirk.’ It was the first time since he had returned to the Enterprise that he had pulled rank. It didn’t feel good, but at least he was certain that Kirk would be even more unhappy than him about it.

‘Understood, commodore.’ It was said in a tone that made Pike nervous. Pike shifted in his seat. Hoping that Kirk was going to fix this planet side. 

It was five minutes before the point of no return; he looked at the clock. Kirk was not answering their hails. Hopefully, because he was busy following Pike’s order.

Scott called him.

‘Could you do something? We are getting a bit warm down here.’ Pike closed his hand. Damn it. ‘Begin evacuating engineering, Mr. Scott,’ Pike ordered. ‘Aye, sir.’ Scott acknowledged.

‘Captain, there is an explosion on the planet’s surface.’

‘An explosion?’ Pike had a dreadful feeling that Kirk had disregarded his order.

‘Should I evacuate other decks, sir?’ Uhura asked.

‘No, wait a minute,’ Pike said, looking at the station to his left. ‘Engineering station, what is the status of the power?’

‘The power is returning, sir,’ the engineering station reported. Pike breathed out. Whatever Kirk had been doing, it was at least partly working.

‘The away team is calling us. They want to be beamed up, with an extra guest,’ Uhura said, the guest probably being the rescued person.

‘Beam them up.’

Pike called engineering. ‘Stop the evacuation procedure Mr. Scott.’ Scott had still not sealed off engineering, good.

‘Aye, aye. We also have power back.’

‘It appears that power are restored to the other structures on the planet as well, sir.’ Sulu reported.

‘Someone is hailing us from the planet surface.’

‘On screen.’ It was an elderly woman in a green tunic. Despite her age, she was beautiful.

‘You have saved us from the temple, thank you strangers,’ she said.

‘We were their slaves for many years, but after your men destroyed their temple, we are finally free again.’ Yeah, and Kirk had taken a huge risk, and he had also disregarded a direct order.

‘Good that we could be of service.’

‘Thank you again, we bid you a pleasant journey.’

‘Is the away team on board?’ Pike asked as soon as the communication channel with the local lady had closed.

‘Yes, sir,’ the engineering station reported.

‘Good, take us out of orbit.’ Pike was leaning back in the chair. He knew that to keep the peace with Captain Kirk, he should leave. But despite their unorthodox command structure, he was still Kirk’s superior.

Kirk and Spock entered after a couple of minutes, trailed by what looked like an eighteen-year-old female in the flimsiest dress that Pike had ever seen. She had long blond hair, arranged in an intricate hairstyle.

Spock remained calm and sat down at the empty science station. Pike was not, however, leaving the chair for Kirk. This was not normally his style. He didn’t mind that Kirk was in charge on this trip. But Kirk’s actions had jeopardized the Enterprise.

That was not something Commodore Pike could live with.

‘You are sitting in my chair, commodore,’ Kirk greeted him coldly. Pike did not want to have any discussions with Kirk in public, but he also needed to warn Kirk.

Pike didn’t flinch.

‘You disregarded my direct order,’ Pike said. ‘We will have a discussion on that later.’ He left it at that and got up. Kirk immediately sat down, as if he thought Pike would regret leaving.

Pike shot the young lady, whom Kirk had brought back, a long skeptical look before leaving the bridge. She just flickered her long eyelashes.

Pike was ill all the way down to his quarters; the turbo lift was upsetting his stomach, and he was dizzy. He realized that he had eaten nothing all day. He had wanted to have breakfast with the captain, but when Kirk hadn’t been there, he had forgotten to get anything.

* * *

Everything was aching as he peeled off his clothes. He needed a bath. But the dizziness threatened him to lie down on the bed. He ate a cracker from his desk drawer and placed himself on his bed. The room had begun to spin. 

His motion sickness had gotten worse. It was strange; he had never suffered from it previously, but the last days, he had been nauseous most of the time.

It was perhaps good that he had decided to deal with Captain Kirk at a later time. He had a stomachache. He also noticed that he was bleeding from the thing that the Talosians had mistakenly provided him with.

He called Doctor McCoy; who agreed to check up on him in his quarters, even if it was a bit reluctantly.

* * *

‘It is probably just your period,’ McCoy said without examining him. Pike hadn’t connected that to the predicament he was currently having.

‘My what?’ He blinked.

‘You know, something ladies have once a month,’ the doctor explained. Pike was aware what a period was; that was not the issue.

‘I am not a woman, doctor. I would have thought that was pretty clear,’ he said unhappily.

‘Yes, but the extra parts, the Talosians fitted you with, might not agree,’ McCoy pointed out.

Pike sighed. He had decided to get a procedure for that when back at Earth. He was not particularly comfortable that the Talosians knowledge on human anatomy had made them make that mistake. That there was a different between the two genders, leaving him with two sets of genitals.

Okay, and he really found itv extremely uncomfortable discussing this with Doctor McCoy. The initial exam when he had arrived had also been rather uncomfortable. He had hoped that he wouldn’t have to deal with it before their return to Earth.

‘Eh, okay. That seems plausible, could you just scan me and find out?’ It was more horrifying than plausible, but he didn’t want to get into a discussion.

Better get the doctor out, so he could hopefully sleep it off.

‘Sure, this is the first time I have been called to a menstrual cramp,’ the doctor mumbled to himself. Pike wanted to go somewhere and hide.

Doctor McCoy took out the handheld medical tricorder and began scanning Pike’s abdomen.

It didn’t take more than a few minutes before he turned it off.

‘I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is not menstrual cramps,’ he said unaffected.

‘You are pregnant,’ the doctor continued calmly. Probably an advantage of being a Starfleet doctor; very little surprised you.

As a Starfleet command officer, Pike should not be surprised either. For several seconds he went completely still; thinking for a moment that he was actually taking the news rather well.

Before the information finally hijacked his body, and it became apparent to even himself that he was not, in fact, handling this well. Pike dry heaved a couple of times in panic, as he was desperately tried to sort through the shock. His whole body was shaking as he instinctively moved a hand to his flat lower abdomen and struggled out of bed.

Pregnant? That usually involved a baby. The doctor tried to force him to lie down.

‘Your blood sugar is low and your blood pressure is through the roof, and I don’t know why you’re bleeding,’ the doctor said when Pike was calm enough to receive information again. Pike didn’t know much about pregnancies, but he surmised that bleeding might be really bad.

‘So, am I having a miscarriage?’ He asked in a weak voice. He didn’t want to have a miscarriage. 

‘Probably not, I could detect the fetus’ heartbeat, but you need a full physical in sickbay, though.’ McCoy was holding a calming hand on Pike’s upper arm.

Pike nodded, even though he really didn’t want to go to sickbay right now. McCoy appeared to pick up on his discomfort.

‘It doesn’t appear from my scans you are in any immediate danger, I am giving you something for your blood pressure. For the rest, I think you need to not be exposed to more stress tonight,’ the doctor said sympathetically, ‘You need something to eat and a good night’s sleep. You can come to sickbay in the morning.’

Pike nodded in relief. He felt like being alone right now.

‘If the bleeding increases or you feel worse, call me,’ Doctor McCoy said. ‘And no arguing with the captain for the next 24 hours,’ McCoy said as an afterthought. Pike nodded, suddenly realizing who the father was.

‘Belay that you are official off sick for the next 24 hours,’ the doctor ordered, interpreting Pike’s silence as a sign that the odds of Pike and Captain Kirk getting into a fight to be high.

Oh, they would get into a fight all right, when Kirk found out about this turn of events.

Pike didn’t have the energy to argue with the doctor’s orders. It wasn’t particularly dignified, but he just wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep.

‘Thanks for the house call,’ Pike said. McCoy actually smiled at him. Pike was grateful, even though the doctor would probably revert back to his usual coldness when he found out how the child was conceived.

He rolled on the side to place himself into a fetal position and ate a cracker more. He wrote a message to Anita; the yeoman assigned to him, if she could pick up some bread and a cup of tea. Normally, he got his own food, but he didn’t feel like going anywhere tonight.

*quote from ST:Discovery, episode ‘Brother’


	3. What do blond girls do with Russian Literature?

Kirk awoke next to the beautiful blond woman, they had saved the day before. Her long tanned arms were wrapped around him. He slowly removed one of them. She smiled, and he stroked her face with affection. Kirk couldn’t help but smile. She was wonderful, and uncomplicated.

Opposed to... he stopped to analyze the tingling in the pit of his stomach, opposed to Chris. He quickly pulled away from her. Had he just thought of Commodore Pike being in his bed instead of the young blond woman? She protested and tried to pull him back into bed.

‘No, I need to go,’ Kirk tried to explain. Yesterday had been wonderful, but the morning was full of regret.

‘Just continue sleeping, darling,’ Kirk said. ‘You can come see me when you wake up.’

She agreed and Kirk was eager to go to the bridge. It would probably involve a confrontation with Pike. Kirk would convince Pike that it had been right to not give into the demands. That Pike had not taken the right decision.

He was looking forward to the confrontation in an almost giddy sort of way. 

Kirk was on the bridge fifteen minutes before alpha shift; Spock was already there. He was both relieved and disappointed that Commodore Pike was not on the bridge. He wanted to see the other man, but it was only now he realized how bad he truly had looked forward to see him.

Yeoman Rand gave him the gamma shift report to look through. Engineering was up and running again. Scotty had worked through the night, and had gone to bed. And power was fully restored, no lasting damage. Some plasma conduits should probably undergo maintenance before scheduled, though.

No casualties, one engineer injured, not critical. He was reported sick by nurse Chapel. Commodore Pike was reported sick by Doctor McCoy. He stopped; Pike had seemed fine the day before. There was no mention of what was wrong with him. According to Pike’s own report he had not been near engineering at all.

Kirk was more curious than worried.

‘Ask Doctor McCoy what is wrong with Commodore Pike,’ Kirk ordered Rand.

‘You can ask me yourself. And I’ll tell you that I am not going to disclose confidential medical files to you or anyone else for that matter,’ Bones said, entering the bridge.

‘All right, Bones,’ Captain Kirk said with his annoyed voice. Now was not the time for Bones to keep quiet. He could ask Commodore Pike himself, but somehow that would show that he had a more profound interest. Kirk was not sure he was prepared to show that just yet.

At least contagious disease was ruled out, since the chief medical officer had to report that to the captain.

‘I guess we are not gonna miss him,’ Kirk lied. He was pretty sure Spock’s raised eyebrow suggested that that had been a little mean. At least Pike wouldn’t try to take over the Enterprise again for the next day, or hopefully more.

Maybe he could come up with an excuse to go by Pike’s quarters. He quickly dismissed the idea as he was interrupted by the beautiful alien woman, he had woken up next to. She looked even more radiant. She was wearing her flimsy green dress with what looked like a bikini under.

‘Don’t worry, we have plotted a course, and are bringing you back home.’ She flickered her long eyelashes at him and leaned over him in a suggestive manner.

‘Thank you, Jim,’ Malena had been taken from her home on Arillia, and brought to the temple of Antal as their ornament. He couldn’t believe that Pike would even suggest that they didn’t help this innocent creature.

His eyes lingered a little longer than what was appropriate on her breasts.

‘Mr. Sulu, how long until we reach Arillia?’ He asked, finally tearing his eyes towards the view screen.

‘At warp factor 5, approximate five standard days, sir.’ Kirk rubbed his face.

‘See, we will have you home soon.’ Okay, it was a slight detour from the route and it would mean that the planned shore leave would have to be postponed.

It was, however, their duty to return this woman.

She nodded, ‘how can I ever show my gratitude, Captain?’ Was that Spock rolling his eyes? Kirk couldn’t be sure. She was leaning into him again.

‘Sure, darling, yeoman Rand might take you on a tour of the ship?’ He made signals to Rand. Despite her being a lovely lady, Kirk for some reason would feel more comfortable if she was not on the bridge.

Rand was making signals that suggested that she would rather not. Kirk made his big puppy eyes; it appeared to work.

‘Okay, Miss Malena, this way.’ Rand said. Malena didn’t look like she wanted to leave either, but Rand in her usual efficient way had the woman dragged into the turbo lift.

‘She does seem very attached to you, Jim,’ McCoy commented dryly.

‘She is a lovely young woman.’ Kirk made suggestive eyes towards McCoy; unable to help it.

It was more a reflex. He wished that he was arguing with Commodore Pike at the moment.

* * *

Pike turned up the following day, and he was in a mood that suggested he was not too pleased with Captain Kirk. He turned up on the bridge in the afternoon.

‘Why have we diverted course?’ He asked, Kirk made sure to give him a glare that suggested that he was not welcome.

‘Well, while you shirked off from your duties, the rest of us had to make some important decisions.’ It looked like he hit home with that comment, because Pike went quiet.

‘Fine, I deserved that. But I want to talk to you about your blatant disregard for my orders,’ Pike finally said. The commodore had been nice enough to schedule a private meeting for them to discuss that, so it wouldn’t be in front of the bridge crew. But Kirk had chosen not to turn up.

He knew it was going to piss off the commodore. He wanted Pike to come to him, and not the other way around.

Everyone at the bridge looked extra busy. Probably pretending not to listen while their two superior officers were going to have a standoff in the middle of the bridge.

‘Well, I made a different call, commodore,’ Kirk said, like it was his right.

Pike looked absolutely furious, and Kirk knew he was baiting him.

‘We are not discussing that here, Kirk,’ Pike said.

‘Fine, then don’t discuss it, commodore,’ Kirk waved him off. ‘You misunderstood, Mr. Kirk, on purpose, we are discussing it now, just not here.’ Kirk looked around. Unfortunately, they were in the middle of space, and absolutely nothing required his attention at this time.

‘The conference room,’ Kirk sighed, and got up, followed by Pike. Again, Kirk could have sworn that Spock had raised both eyebrows.

The turbo lift tour was tense, and Pike looked like he would throw someone out of an airlock, probably Kirk himself. They didn’t talk before they were safely into the conference room. Pike didn’t waste time on pleasantries.

‘I gave you a direct order, when you were down on that planet, Kirk, and you disregarded it completely,’ Pike fumed. Compared to how nice he always was, Kirk should be proud of getting the commodore this agitated.

He was. The commodore had a perfect warm face and hair, which Kirk just wanted to run his fingers through. He wanted to see the perfect smooth skin under the uniform and taste the soft skin and lips.

The next best thing was arguing.

‘I had the option on removing the machine that was responsible for draining the power,’ Kirk justified himself instead. Pike was still angry.

‘You acted on a hunch, but if you were wrong, the Enterprise would have been destroyed.’

‘But I wasn’t wrong, sir.’ The ‘sir’ was said full of venom.

‘That is not the point, Kirk.’ Kirk was going to give some sort of comeback, when it appeared that something was wrong with Pike. He was getting pale, slightly hyperventilating and was supporting himself to the conference room table. All Kirk’s confrontational energy changed.

Worry for the other man overwhelmed him. Of course, Commodore Pike wasn’t the type to call in sick for trifles. Clearly, he had missed the signs that Pike might be seriously ill.

‘Are you all right?’ Kirk asked nervously, Pike didn’t answer. Possible he was still sick. Kirk wondered whether McCoy had cleared Pike for duty or not. Something would suggest that that was not the case.

‘Sorry, dizzy spell.’ It looked like more than that, Kirk had the time to think, moments before Pike’s eyes rolled back in, and he fell, hitting face first with a loud thump into the conference table.

Kirk panicked; Pike had gotten a nose-bleed from the fall. Kirk quickly stepped towards him, and kneeled.

‘Shit, shit, shit,’ Captain Kirk pressed the comm system on the table.

‘Doctor McCoy to conference room 2, emergency.’ He barely waited for Bones to acknowledge, before he moved back to Pike. He was coming around. Pike had taken a hand to his nose, looking for a moment at his own hand covered in blood.

Kirk breathed out in relief. ‘Don’t get up, you fainted.’ Pike sat up anyway.

‘Bones is on his way.’ Kirk could feel his heart race. But he didn’t know what to do in this situation. Was there any sort of first aid applying to this situation? Pike nodded weakly, apparently also in a bit of a shock.

Kirk settled on a comforting hand on the back of the other’s neck. While blood kept dripping out between Pike’s fingers.

McCoy was quicker than usual. But Kirk had already gotten Pike to sit in a chair when the doctor turned up. McCoy had his tricorder turned on.

‘What happened?’ McCoy asked Kirk accusingly.

‘We were arguing, and then he fainted.’ Kirk explained, realizing how bad that sounded. McCoy rolled his eyes and gave Pike a medical napkin for the bleeding nose. Pike looked… guilty?

‘I told you to not do that.’ the doctor berated Pike, while he was scanning frantically. Wait, Bones had ordered Pike to not argue? Kirk didn’t think they argued all that much.

‘Now your blood pressure is too low, I told you to take it easy when I gave you that last shot in the morning.’ Pike was wisely not arguing with the doctor. Just holding the drenched medical napkin to his nose.

McCoy pointed at Kirk.

‘Jim, get out. You are making it worse,’ Bones ordered him.

Kirk nodded even though that he wanted to stay.

* * *

Kirk did not want to go back to his quarters. As perfect as Malena was, it had quickly begun feeling wrong when he was together with her. She was beautiful, perfect and waiting for him in a look-through negligee.

Kirk also wanted to see how Pike was. McCoy had explicitly asked Kirk not to talk to Pike, but what if Pike needed help with something? He needed an excuse to find out.

The opportunity presented itself fast enough. He met Pike’s aid in the hallway. She was carrying a tray with food,

‘Eh, wait a minute, yeoman?’ She stopped.

‘Yes, sir?’ She asked, a little surprised.

‘Is that for Commodore Pike?’ She looked like she was torn between not answering and just run.

‘Yes, sir, mhm and I am…’ Kirk took the tray from her hands.

‘I’ll bring it to him.’

The yeoman struggled to keep onto the tray but had to give it up so the food wasn’t spilled on the floor.

‘Thank you, yeoman, I got this,’ Kirk said confidently. The woman gave up,

‘Okay, sir.’

Kirk looked for a moment to make sure that she wasn’t going in the direction of Pike’s quarters.

Pike greeted the knock on the door with a ‘Come in.’

Pike was sitting on his couch with a blanket over his legs and reading from a PADD.

‘Where is Anita?’ He asked surprised. Kirk put the tray down on the table in front of him.

‘I just wanted to see how you were,’ he explained, suddenly nervous that the commodore would kick him out before they had a chance to talk.

‘Officially sick, why are you here, Kirk?’ Pike asked annoyed.

‘Are we back to last names?’

Pike sighed: ‘No, Jim, just sit down,’ He said looking towards Kirk. The captain tried to suppress the triumphant feeling that gave him.

‘Doctor McCoy has ordered me not to discuss any command issues until I am back to duty,’ Pike said. As much as Kirk wanted to have a good fight, that was not why he had come.

He sank down on the opposite side of the couch.

‘Bones can be a bit persistent,’ Kirk said. ‘I am sorry, I said that you were playing hooky,’ he added.

Pike shook his head and put the PADD down, making a sigh which appeared to mean that he had accepted the apology.

‘Where is Malena, weren’t you entertaining her?’

‘She is waiting for me in my quarter.’ Kirk said strained. He didn’t really know what to do with the young woman. Pike looked like he was keeping in a laughter.

‘What is so funny? I don’t know how I am going to let her down easily.’

Pike took a sip of the tea that Kirk had brought him.

‘Why do you want to let her down?’ Pike asked in a sobering voice.

‘Well, truth be told, I really thought I wanted her, but I don’t, I want…’ Kirk stopped himself, he didn’t know why had he said that. He had begun saying: ‘…you.’ But fortunately, he hadn’t.

‘Well, you are welcome to hide here, until she is gone,’ Pike said. ‘You even bring me food.’ He took a bite of the toast and smiled with that most infuriating smile. Probably the only person in the universe that could be sick and still look good.

‘I might take you up on that offer.’ Kirk wanted to stay too, also to make sure that Pike was okay. The man had seemed indestructible after Talos, this had been a reminder he was just a human, and humans could get sick. It scared Kirk for some reasons he did not want to contemplate.

Pike sighed. ‘What are you really doing down here, Jim?’ Pike asked.

‘I had a bad day, I just needed to talk.’ ‘I am sure mine was worse.’ Pike said with a crooked smile.

‘Oh yeah?’ Kirk said. ‘I had a senior officer trying to take over my command,’ Kirk baited him. Pike put the PADD down and sobered a little.

‘Doctor McCoy explicitly forbade me to discuss that until I was back on duty.’ Kirk moved a little closer, wondering whether his usual tactics for getting close to someone would work on Pike.

‘Sorry, Chris.’ He moved even closer. ‘Just telling about my day,’ Kirk said. Pike didn’t flinch. ‘Don’t! tell me about something else.’ Kirk sat almost next to Pike now. He placed a hand on top of Pike’s, the commodore still didn’t stop him, he slowly lifted Pike’s hand and kissed it.

Pike put down the PADD and stared at Kirk. He wasn’t pulling the hand back, so Kirk took it as approval. Pike broke the spell. He locked his eyes with Kirk’s.

‘This is a poor idea, Jim.’ He sounded tired, ‘You want to let out some steam. As much as I like you, Jim, please don’t do this tonight.’ Pike shot him an apologetic smile.

It wasn’t a no, but it most certainly wasn’t a yes either. Pike carefully folded his blanket and put it on the side of the couch.

‘I am going to bed, Jim, you are welcome to sleep on the couch, if you don’t want to go back to your quarters.’ He got up and made himself ready for bed as if Kirk hadn’t been there at all.

Kirk stared down in his hands. He was not in the mood for anything. Had he screwed up with Pike? The other man hadn’t been completely rejected him, but it was close.

Would it be weird to sleep in Pike’s quarter, or would it be better to hide in sickbay with Bones? Pike returned in a black sleep suit.

‘I found a pillow for you.’ He extended it towards Kirk, who hesitantly accepted it. A small token that Kirk wouldn’t overstep a limit by staying the night.

‘Thanks, Chris, goodnight.’

‘Goodnight.’

* * *

Pike was wearing full uniform when Kirk woke up, and looked self-confident, and not ill as he had the night before. Kirk however was still wearing his uniform from last night, and his hair was probably sticking out to all sides. 

‘Hi,’ Pike said: ‘Alpha shift is in forty minutes; I have to leave now.’ ‘Now?’ Kirk asked, confused. Pulling himself awake by the sight of Pike in his commodore uniform.

Trying to suppress the idea about what Pike would do with his ship during those forty minutes. It was as if Pike had read his mind.

‘Relax, Jim, I am not going to go to the bridge. There is a personnel problem in Lab D I have to deal with.’ Kirk nodded as Pike disappeared out the door.

‘Wait, did Bones clear you for duty?’ Kirk asked as the door closed.

* * *

‘Where did you disappear off to?’ McCoy asked him accusingly.

‘That girl kept asking for you.’ Kirk sighed. He knew he was being dickish towards her, but he just couldn’t handle her right now.

‘Tell her I am sorry, couldn’t you like show her the rec room or…’ Kirk tried.

‘This is your mess, you clean it up, Jim.’

Kirk grunted, annoyed.

‘From what I have seen of her, I guess it could have been worse.’ McCoy sent him a suggestive smile.

It turned out, Kirk found out that she, besides being pretty and charming, was very skilled at throwing things at him. She had just thrown two of his books after him, when someone was at the door. He desperately hoped that it was Spock. If it was Bones, he would never hear the end of it.

‘You bastard…’ She screamed, throwing one more book in his direction. Kirk was hiding behind his desk. Unfortunately, his room was not that big and there was nowhere to run.

‘Come in,’ Kirk yelled. Commodore Pike had just enough time to duck, else he had gotten a rather large volume of Dostoevsky in the head.

‘This is a bad time, I’ll come back later…’ The commodore quickly concluded, turning around.

‘No, no, perfect time.’ Kirk said as the lady fired a volume more of his priced book collection. Whatever senior officer crap Pike had intended to throw at him, it couldn’t be worse than this.

Pike carefully picked up Dostoevsky and placed it on the desk.

‘Madame, please calm down,’ Pike said rather convincingly and took a bold step towards the woman. She didn’t look particularly calm. Kirk was loath to hit a woman, but at this moment he was considering it.

‘Don’t ‘madame’ me, weren’t you that asshole that wanted to leave me at that….?’ Kirk breathed out in relief, if the lady could just direct her anger in other directions it might be a good thing.

‘Listen...’ Pike held his hands up with palms facing towards her.

‘I know that you are upset.’ She had picked up a poker and was getting ready to hit Pike on the head. But Pike just calmly stepped into her space.

‘You are a long way from home, we will get you there, don’t worry.’ He embraced her. And to Kirk’s amazement, she began sobbing into Pike’s shoulder.

Pike wrestled the poker out of her hand and handed it to Kirk behind his back. ‘It’s okay, we’ll get you home.’ He was making soothing circles on her back.

‘I have gotten a very nice room for you for the rest of the tour, ma’am,’ he said, helping the girl out of Kirk’s quarters.

* * *

Pike was arguing with himself whether he should take the professional discussion or the private one with Kirk first.

Both things were potentially going to be extremely toxic. Kirk needed to know about the child. It had been painful that the Captain had decided to spend the night at his quarters.

And Kirk had kissed his hand. And it had felt more wonderful than Pike could remember anything feeling before. Kirk, however, was not going to react that well to how his lower parts looked, and the bun in the oven, as Doctor McCoy had very elegantly called it that morning.

He had finally, after much contemplation, decided that the best course of action would be to address both at the same time. Since if he began with the professional conflict, his private predicament would seem strange to discuss afterwards, and if he were to first tell Kirk about the private one and then reschedule a meeting for the beginning of alpha shift.

Pike needed to talk to Captain Kirk. He needed to discuss the chain of command. And he needed for Kirk to know about the baby. He desperately needed to get it out in the open. It was nice to be back on duty, but it also meant that he needed to discuss the chain of command with Kirk. And there was a risk that it wasn’t going to be pleasant.

It was strange that the captain seamed so friendly with him, when it was just the two of them in private, but as soon as it became professional they couldn’t find common ground.

‘Thanks for finding another suitable room for our guest,’ Pike said to Spock, as they both waited for the rest of the senior staff.

‘I am happy that the issue got resolved, and our guest will be back home in approximately 14.2 hours,’ Spock paused.

‘The Captain seemed especially distracted this morning. I believe that the young lady’s removal from his quarters will improve his efficiency.’ Pike suppressed a laugh. That was likely. The lady in question seemed to more distract than entice the captain.

‘You have a keen sense of observation,’ Pike said in amusement. But before Spock could make a retort, the other department heads and Captain Kirk joined them.

Kirk looked like he was in a foul mood. He stared at Spock and Pike as if they had formed an opposing team.

‘Okay, gentlemen,’ Kirk began.

‘Let’s have the reports. Scotty, you can begin,’ Scott began a very detailed explanation of the impulse engines and the control software had a bug that made them being unable to control the flow of the fuel during radiation storms within the margins. Pike looked at Kirk, he looked slightly bored.

‘Do you have a suggestion for a fix, Scotty?’ Captain Kirk asked. Mr. Scott looked down on his PADD.

‘We might, but we cannot test it unless we create a scenario where the error occurs.’ Kirk wrote something on his PADD.

‘So, you want us expose the impulse deck to gamma radiation?’ The captain asked with little conviction. Flooding the impulse deck with gamma radiation would both be dangerous and probably damage the impulse drive significantly.

They all knew that.

‘No, sir, that was not…’ Mr. Scott looked up, clearly not interested in that experiment for a software bug. ‘What about the simulator for emergency drill procedures for gamma radiation of lower deck engines?’ Pike suggested. Everybody looked at him.

‘That tricks the sensors to think that the deck is overflown with radiation. It might work,’ the engineer said, apparently calculating something in his mind.

Captain Kirk, however, did not look particularly thrilled with the suggestion. Kirk eyed him dangerously, like a tomcat marking his territory.

‘We did something similar, when…’ Pike wanted to explain his idea, but stopped. It was clear that it was more him than the idea, which the Captain had a problem with.

‘Fine, fine enough about the impulse engines. Spock, how did the security drills go?’ Kirk asked.

‘Actually, Commodore Pike volunteered to carry them out, I believe he wrote a…’

Kirk interrupted him. ‘Yes, yes, fine, okay,’ It was clear that Kirk was extremely annoyed by Pike’s interference, even though it was meant to be helpful.

It was beginning to become frustrating that Kirk was that annoyed by his professional presence; he had hoped that it would help when their roles became more well defined.

However, their unorthodox command setup did appear to complicate things more than anticipated. It was further complicated by the fact that Pike, while occasionally frustrated with Kirk, was beginning to feel something more than friendly affection for the Captain.

All the extra things he had helped everyone with, was mostly to gain Kirk’s approval. It did however appear to do the opposite.

* * *

Pike had intended to talk to Kirk after the meeting, but something on the bridge had called the Captain’s attention. As Malena had been moved to another room, Pike was surprised when Kirk turned up again in the evening.

He had actually found some time to put on music, and read a novel on his PADD, when Kirk entered. Kirk looked exhausted and sat down as if he was living there.

‘Has Malena returned to your quarters?’ Pike asked in amusement.

‘No, thank God, Chekov is showing her how bowling works.’ Pike suppressed a snigger.

‘He is fast,’ he said, impressed.

‘Yeah, I am getting too old for this,’ Kirk said. Pike sobered. ‘No, you are not.’ Well, compared to Chekov, everyone was old.

‘I am glad you turned up,’ Pike said. He needed to have the awkward private discussion with Kirk about now.

‘Yesterday, when you were here. When you…’ God, why was this so difficult? His heart began picking up pace. Most likely, Kirk would prefer to forget what had happened.

The captain seemed calm, however. 

‘When I kissed your hand?’ he asked confidently and moved to the couch.

‘Yeah?’ Pike tried desperately to clear his mind, he wanted it. But he would not wish to impose himself on the Captain, both due to the events on Talos and his rank.

Pike hesitated a moment. He couldn’t do this without Jim knowing about everything. ‘I am not opposed to that, there is just some things we need to discuss,’ he explained.

Kirk was moving dangerously close. Pike began sweating. He needed to say something fast. He tried again, ‘Ehmm, no, there is something you need to be aware of before we…’ Kirk began kissing his neck. Pike couldn’t help but tilt his head backwards to allow Kirk better access.

Jim warm mouth was gently caressing at his skin, and soft hands were feeling his back. His body did the opposite of what it was supposed to and melted into the other man.

‘No, it is really important that you know that…’

Kirk stopped him. ‘That the Talosians fitted you with female genitals as well. That’s okay,’ he said.

Pike panicked. ‘How do you know that?’ He said slightly agitated. It was so embarrassing and private. How could Jim be okay with it? Why was he not excusing himself and running away?

Pike himself felt so wrong all the time, like his body was not his own. 

‘Don’t worry I am the only one besides Bones that know.’ Kirk began caressing his arm again. Pike stopped moving and looked at Kirk, making him stop until he had gotten some answers.

‘Okay, I needed to know that you were fit for duty, it was in Bones’ summary.’ Pike breathed out in relief. Then Kirk hadn’t actually seen his medical file. Not that there was anything secret in there. Especially due to the fact that apparently, he had had no real rights for any kind of privacy when he had been in that damn wheelchair.

Being so uncomfortable with the pregnancy and body modifications, himself. It felt too intimate to have someone else judging him. He didn’t know why he found it especially hard that it was Captain Kirk that was that someone else.

‘Chris, have nobody ever told you you are perfect?’ Jim said and moved a hand to touch the side of his face without the scar, trailing a hand across his neck and to his chest.

He was not perfect, not in any sense. He was damaged, wrong. He didn’t feel right about his actions, his life, his gender. Everything was wrong with him.

‘Please, do not mock me,’ he said. Jim just flashed a smile at him. 

Kirk closed in again and gave him a careful kiss on the mouth. Soft and sweet. Pike opened his mouth slightly and kissed back. He needed to tell Kirk about the pregnancy; it wasn’t fair to proceed without informing Kirk. But Pike found himself too weak. It felt perfect and right and it would ruin everything. Oh, he desperately wanted his night with Kirk.

Kirk acknowledged the invitation by moving a hand down Pike’s back. Pike was not as experienced when it came to dating men as Kirk seemed to be. For most of his career he had opted for unattached, and this thing with Kirk. It didn’t feel like a thing. It felt real.

‘Stop thinking,’ Kirk said annoyed, he moved a tentative hand to rest just above the bulge in his pants.

* * *

The next morning, the alarm woke Pike. A tanned arm was wrapped around him. He looked back towards Kirk. The other man’s arm dangerously close to his pelvis and their child. They had their legs tangled together. The day before, it had been so wonderful, but now that feeling had been replaced with horror of what he had done.

As amazing as this was, it was a huge mistake. Pike had never been like this before. He had violated his own ethics principles. First, on Talos and now again he had failed to be honest with Kirk or himself. In this own fantasy, he could imagine Kirk being happy with their child. But Pike had seen too much and experienced too much. He knew that that future would not happen.

‘I am so sorry, this… oh God.’ Pike said as he sat up in the bed, allowing his bare chest exposed. Kirk looked a lot less worried.

‘What are you sorry for?’ Kirk asked in a sleepy haze. Yes, what was he sorry for?

‘I… we… I can’t give you what you want,’ Kirk ran a hand over Pike’s cheek.

‘I think this is the first I have seen you before shaving.’ Pike rolled his eyes. Kirk was impossible to talk to. Kirk was relatively young and was looking for uncomplicated, and Pike was old and complicated and pregnant.

And the captain was not going to be happy that he was probably going to be a father. A career in Starfleet didn’t match up well with children. And Kirk didn’t seem like the person who wanted any long-term attachments. And a child was a very long-term attachment.

Kirk sat up in bed as Pike made no move to lay down.

‘This was a bad idea.’ Pike tried again. Kirk didn’t respond, he tried again to sit up to mirror Pike’s position. But Pike got rigid, which made Kirk stop ‘We are running late; can we discuss this later?’ He struggled to be free of the blanket and moved away from Kirk.

‘Chris, are you okay?’ He could hear Kirk’s concerned voice behind him. He was struggling for a moment to overcome dizziness and the sudden nausea that came with it.

He was a coward, he should have been honest. And he should be sitting in a jail cell right now. 

He had again lied or just as bad; had failed being honest. At least on Talos the deception had been to save the away-team and the Enterprise. What had it been now, to get pleasure for himself?

His throat was closing, and he struggled to breathe in. Stars were dancing in his field of vision as he staggered towards the bathroom.

Suddenly, he felt strong hands supporting him; he wanted to struggle but he would have fainted again without the support.

Both he and Captain Kirk were still only in their briefs, and Pike again felt as if he was violating something by allowing for them to be this close. ‘You are tripping.’ Kirk helped him sit back on the bed.

‘I am getting you some water, and then you are going to tell me what is wrong with you.’ Kirk said in a very determined tone.

When he returned Pike hadn’t moved. How could he possibly tell Kirk, after last night? Would Kirk react in anger, horror, disgust? Calling the baby a mistake. Pike should call the baby a mistake, but he couldn’t.

Kirk came back with the water and sat down next to Pike. All too close. ‘Now, tell me, you are sick, I need to know, Chris.’ 

Pike felt hot tears running down his face. He was slightly surprised; he never had this reaction before.

‘Whatever it is, we can deal with it.’ Why did Kirk have to be so nice? ‘I...’ why did he lack courage? He drank a mouthful of the water again and closed his eyes.

‘…am pregnant.’ He kept them closed, forcefully, to the brink of pain. He couldn’t bear to see Kirk’s reaction.

Kirk would get up and leave, he knew, if he just kept his eyes closed long enough, Kirk would just get up and leave.

He felt the glass being removed from his hand. There was silence, and then a gentle hand on his upper arm.

‘Should I call Bones?’ Kirk asked softly.

‘No, I...’ more tears. Which was strange. He had never been one to cry easily before.

‘You should have told me.’ Kirk said softly, yes, he should. He should have informed Jim immediately. 

‘I am so sorry,’ Pike said in earnest, ‘It is my fault, Jim.’ Pike studied his own hands, mostly to avoid eye-contact with Jim. He had tricked the Captain into having sex with him, and now he couldn’t even face the consequences.

‘How is this your fault?’ Kirk asked rhetorically. He got up. He threw on his black undershirt. Pike was still not moving. He desperately hoped that Kirk would leave him alone.

Kirk pressed the comm system on the wall. ‘Doctor McCoy, could you come to Commodore Pike’s quarters?’ Pike tried to protest. ‘No, I am fine.’

While waiting for the doctor, Kirk sat down next to him, putting a warm hand on top of his.

Giving it a squeeze, ‘Chris, everything is going to be okay.’ Kirk whispered, if only Pike could believe that.

* * *

‘Damn it Jim, do you know how early this is?’ McCoy complained from the door, followed by a ‘What did you do this time?’ and a much more worrying: ‘If you murdered him, I am not going to cover it up.’

‘Bones, just get in here.’ Kirk was ushering the doctor inside.

Kirk was lingering at the door to the bedroom. McCoy put his equipment down and studied Pike for a moment.

‘You do look a little green.’ The doctor was trying to get eye contact with him.

McCoy pulled out the handheld scanner. ‘Your blood pressure is over the roof again; and your stress hormones are all over the place.’ Pike refused to meet Kirk’s eyes in the background.

‘What were you doing before? No wait, I don’t want to know.’ McCoy pursed his lips, probably assuming something sexual. Pike blushed.

‘Okay, on your back, I need to check a few other things.’ He looked back at Kirk, ‘Best you leave, Jim.’

Kirk hesitated, he looked like he didn’t know where to go.

‘Chris, do you want me to stay?’ McCoy rolled his eyes of Kirk calling him Chris. Pike nodded, still refusing to meet Kirk’s eyes.

‘Yes,’ Pike said hoarsely. He selfishly wanted Jim to be there. Kirk moved to stand behind McCoy.

McCoy tuned on the speaker for his tricoder. The fast pace of the fetus’ heart was audible from it.

‘Is that the baby?’ Kirk asked in surprise.

‘Yeah, Jim, that is the baby.’ Kirk grew silent again. I am giving you a shot for your blood pressure,’ the doctor said towards Pike. Pike felt the uncomfortable feeling of a hypo spray in his arm.

‘If you like, I can show you a 3D scan of the little rascal.’ Pike looked toward Kirk. The feeling that there was another living being inside him was still alien to him, and he had not that great a desire to see it. It felt still invading, to have another living being lodged under his skin.

Kirk however did not look put off. And by the way he had looked when hearing the heartbeat of the baby, would suggest that this was something he was at least curious about.

‘Maybe you can show it to Captain Kirk?’ Pike asked carefully, still looking towards Kirk. Bones held the tricorder so that Kirk got full access to see the scan of the child on the tiny screen. Kirk face turned into a wide smile. Pike closed his eyes he couldn’t bear to see Kirk’s sincere smile at the image. This was going to end badly; he could feel it. He hoped that they would stop looking soon.

‘Are you getting sick again?’ Doctor McCoy asked. Pike looked up reluctantly. ‘It’s okay,’ Pike said, not meaning it ‘Thanks for coming to see me, doctor.’ Kirk still sort of hovered behind Doctor McCoy.

McCoy collected his things again.

‘You are off duty for the next couple of days,’ the doctor said. Pike nodded. ‘And you…’ He indicated a raised finger at Kirk. He lowered it without saying more. Just sighing.

Captain Kirk kept smiling even when Doctor McCoy had left. Pike leaned back and closed his eyes in embarrassment and pain.

Kirk sat himself on the bed next to him. And leaned over to give Pike a soft kiss on the lips. It felt so warm and affectionate and Pike did not deserve it.

‘Please leave, Jim,’ Pike said tiredly. ‘I think I would like to sleep a little.’

Captain Kirk nodded and left.

* * *

Kirk was relieved that after his personal relationship with Commodore Pike had improved. But Kirk couldn’t really define what their relationship were, he came sometimes and hang out at Pike’s living room. He had slept one time on the couch since, but not in the bed.

He really liked Chris, but the other man was so calm and controlled all the time. And while the commodore seemed more friendly, he didn’t seem particularly interested in a relationship.

Kirk was definitely interested in a relationship. Sexual and otherwise.

And the existence of the baby made him strangely fuzzy. A little creature being made from the two of them. It pained him that Chris apparently didn’t want to discuss that either.

Pike apparently had decided that it was not worth it to discuss the previous altercation with the chain of command. Kirk had not touched the subject either.

Pike had furthermore kept from interfering too much with the running of Enterprise, sticking nicely with his own duties. Two weeks went by before McCoy’s curiosity apparently got the better of him.

‘So, you and Commodore Pike?’ Bones asked casually.

‘Don’t go there, Bones,’ Kirk warned. McCoy poured another drink.

‘If you say so.’ Offering the glass to Jim.

‘He just doesn’t seem like your type, it’s all.’ Kirk shrugged, making himself comfortable in the chair. He liked beauty, and Chris was so very, very beautiful both on the inside and the outside.

There was no letting this go. How could he explain that while he himself might want something from the relationship? Commodore Pike had made it absolutely clear that he was very uncomfortable with this whole relationship thing.

‘It is just casual; we do not actually have a relationship,’ Kirk said. ‘Could have fooled me.’ McCoy was still baiting him. ‘At least tell me that the baby is not yours.’ Kirk didn’t actually know with certainty, but he would like to assume that it was. McCoy took the sheepish silence as confirmation.

‘Damn it, Jim.’

‘I am not all that good at this, Bones.’ Kirk hid his face in his hands. ‘It will be the same as with David,’ McCoy poured him another glass.

‘I have never even seen him, Bones, it is his tenth birthday, soon.’ He had been thinking a lot about David these past weeks. It was usually a place he did not go.

‘And you think Pike will want you to stay away too?’ Kirk drank the whiskey in one shot. ‘That was the expensive stuff,’ McCoy said with a huff.

‘Maybe you should ask him.’ Bones suggested.

‘I don’t think he wants to commit to anything.’

‘Geez, after you disregarded his direct order, seduced a half-naked alien, let her sleep at your quarter, and made him sort it out. I wonder why?’ McCoy commented dryly. Kirk found that version of the event to be a little one sided.

‘So, who’s side are you on, Bones?’ Kirk helped himself to more whiskey.

‘All that I am saying is that he is alone, probably scared out of his wits, and thirteen weeks pregnant, which isn’t a normal condition for a human male, I might add, and you are fooling around with some bikini dressed woman who goes by the nickname: The ornament?’ Kirk shrugged, it had seemed as a good idea at the time.

Kirk looked down. Pike had seemed unsure of himself when he had told about being pregnant. Kirk had mostly attributed that to confusion caused by high blood-pressure and other uncomfortable stuff related to being pregnant.

Pike seemed normally calm and self-confident. It worried him that McCoy thought Pike might feel alone.

‘I don’t think it is just the baby I want; I think I want him too.’ Kirk tasted the words as if they were some alien dish.

‘Maybe you should keep away from blond females on away missions then, just saying.’ McCoy finished his drink as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	4. Be very still and you can hear time whistle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pike and Spock get stranded in a shuttle for 42 days.

‘There is a tachyon dispersion on the long-range scanners,’ Spock reported from the science station.

‘On screen,’ Kirk ordered. He sat on the command chair. The view screen revealed a small ship. 

‘It appears to be a small Tellarite merchant freighter,’ Spock observed as Kirk stood up.

‘Why would that send out tachyons?’ 

‘Unknown, sir,’ Spock said. ‘They are moving at low speed, no impulse or warp signatures detected.’

‘So, they are dead in space?’ The captain asked.

‘Affirmative, captain.’.

Kirk thought for a moment. ‘Hail them,’ the captain said.

‘Hailing them now, sir,’ Uhura turned on her comm. ‘No reply.’

It was unusual for Tellarite merchants to be in this quadrant of space.

‘Any life-forms on board?’ Kirk asked; it was possible just an abandoned wreckage. In that case, it would be optimal to leave it.

‘Two life-forms on board,’ Spock replied. ‘Tellarites?’

‘Negative, they appear to be humans,’ Spock said.

Kirk didn’t like that one bit; humans didn’t normally fly around in Tellarite ships. ‘Transporter, can you get a lock?’ Kirk called the transporter room. If they were humans in a Tellarite vessel, they were federation citizens. Enterprise’s duty would be to ensure their safety.

‘If we get closer, can you get a lock?’ ‘Possible, captain, but the tachyons are especially unstable.’

‘Do it, Mr. Sulu. 5000 meters.’

‘Aye, sir.’

Kirk checked his controls again.

Spock tuned his scanners.

‘Getting a closer look now, sir.’ The view screen zoomed in on the small freighter. A red cloud surrounded it. 

‘The freighter is surrounded by tachyon rays,’ Spock said. ‘Its signature on the sensors appears to be unstable, captain.’

Kirk stood up from the chair again.

‘Please elaborate, Mr. Spock.’

‘The freighter is both there and not there at the same time,’ Spock said. Spock pushed a button on his console. ‘The freighter’s signature is stabilizing.’ The red rays were disappearing.

‘Transporter room, can you get a lock on the passengers now?’ Kirk asked.

‘We have a lock,’ the transporter room reported.

‘Beam them to the ship,’ Kirk ordered. ‘Spock, you are with me, we are going to talk to our guests.’

* * *

The passengers of the Tellarite freighter were an elderly female merchant and a boy no more than sixteen.

‘Welcome onboard he Enterprise,’ Kirk greeted.

‘Oh, thank God,’ the woman said. ‘I am Neera, this is my grandson, Jonas,’ she presented herself.

‘Please, let me thank you for saving us. We lost all power,’ the elderly lady said. ‘Now it appeared that your ship is okay, just out of power. Would you like us to transport it to the nearest star-base?’ Kirk asked.

The woman leaned back. ‘I am afraid, captain, that our engines were on the brink of overloading. I am sure nothing can be done.’ She didn’t seem worried at all.

The bridge signaled the transporter room. ‘Captain, the freighter has just exploded, are the passengers safely on board?’ ‘They are safe, Scotty managed to get a lock,’ Kirk answered. He looked apologetic at the odd pair on the transporter pad.

‘I am sorry, you were right.’

The older lady allowed Kirk to escort her down the stairs from the transporter.

‘An unfortunate loss, captain. Jonas and I are just happy to be alive and saved by such a charming captain.’ Kirk couldn’t help but smile.

‘My crew and I are happy to host you.’

‘Thank you, captain.’ The lady took Kirk’s arm for support.

* * *

‘A very charming old lady,’ Kirk concluded, sitting comfortably back in the chair. Spock looked up from the scanner.

‘I managed to secure most of the debris from the freighter.’

‘Very good, Mr. Spock. Could you ask Commodore Pike whether he could allocate a team to see if there is a black box in there somewhere?’

Spock acknowledged.

‘In the meantime, we should continue on course, warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.’

‘Warp factor one, sir.’ Spock left his station to find Commodore Pike, who was working somewhere in the lab section.

Kirk considered going himself. They had both been busy this past couple of days, and Kirk had not seen Pike after his morning run for at least a week.

It was strange; he had not really missed anyone like this since Ruth when he was back at the academy.

Pike was only decks away. It would be so easy to seek him out. But what would he say?

_‘I love you?’_

_‘I don’t agree with the evaluation of the emergency drills for the transporter rooms?’_

_‘I do agree the evaluation of the emergency drills for the transporter rooms?’_

‘Captain, Doctor McCoy is asking whether you could come down to deck 15.’ As to a loss why Doctor McCoy would be at deck 15, Kirk got up.

‘Is he saying why?’

‘No.’

‘Sulu, you have the bridge.’

* * *

It was easy to locate Doctor McCoy on deck 15; he was standing right outside the turbo lift with a rather large crowd gathered around him.

‘So, what is it you want me to see?’ Kirk asked.

‘That, Jim.’ McCoy pointed at a crewman who appeared to stand very still.

‘That is crewman Murphy, why is he not moving?’ Kirk extended a hand towards the crewman and touched Murphy gently on the sleeve.

Even the sleeve was hard as stone. Kirk looked questioning to McCoy. ‘What is wrong with him, Bones?’

Bones shook his head.

‘Damn if I know, Jim, my readings are showing that he isn’t even here.’ Kirk took the medical tricorder out of Doctor McCoy’s hands.

‘I know how to use a tricorder, Jim,’ the doctor huffed.

Kirk turned the buttons. He wasn’t as familiar with the medical tricorder as Doctor McCoy, but he couldn’t make out a heartbeat or blood flow.

‘Is he dead, Bones?’ Kirk handed the tricolor back.

‘No, if he was dead there would be readings, there is nothing here.’

‘Well, maybe you should get another tricorder,’ Kirk suggested helpfully. McCoy rolled his eyes. ‘How am I even going to treat him? He can’t be moved.’

One huge crewman spoke up. ‘We tried to move him before, sir, before Doctor McCoy came. We couldn’t do it; he’s too heavy.’

Just before Kirk was calling Spock, the science officer appeared from the turbo-lift. Technical scanner in hand.

‘Captain, tachyon radiation was just detected from this deck,’ Spock explained.

‘Could you check if crewman Murphy is the source,’ Kirk pointed towards the immobilized crewman.

From the half-parted lips on the crewman, he had been about to speak, when he had been petrified.

‘Fascinating, it appears that this man is not here,’ Spock said. Since Kirk was staring directly at the man, he found that a little hard to believe.

‘You are saying the same thing as Bones, but I would like a rational explanation why this man can be here but not here at the same time.’

Spock went closer to Murphy and scanned on.

‘You misunderstood my meaning, captain, what I meant to say is that crewman Murphy appears to be locked in some sort of temporal lock. He is here physically, but his timeline appears to have been stopped. He is frozen in time.’

Doctor McCoy closed his tricorder and put it away. ‘That is why I am not registering a heartbeat or blood flow.’

‘Precisely, doctor, something has disrupted the time-continuum in the space that he occupies.’

Kirk was trying to figure out what the next course of action should be. ‘Okay gentlemen, that all seems very interesting. However, do you have any idea how this happened?’

Spock also tuned off his tricorder. ‘Negative, captain, however I do think it might be connected to the tachyons we observed from the Tellarite freighter.’

The freighter that had just blown up.

‘The wreckage also showed signs of temporal activities.’

Kirk gave crewman Murphy a last stare. ‘Suggestions, Mr. Spock?’

‘Negative, captain, if you are asking how we can get time for Mr. Murphy to be aligned with our temporal level, I cannot offer a solution.’ Kirk looked at Bones as Spock continued.

‘I will, however, to do my best to provide a solution.’

‘What are we going to do with Murphy?’ A yeoman, third class, asked.

‘Well, logically, we cannot move him. We have no choice, yeoman. However, I would suggest evacuating this deck, captain,’ Spock said, adding, ‘as a precaution.’

Kirk thought for a moment. He was unaware of any safety proceeding that applicable in this apparent case, and he doubted that anyone had ever formulated any.

‘Do it.’

* * *

The evacuated crew members and their two guests were crammed together on another deck until new accommodations could be assigned. The woman, Neera, threw herself at Kirk as soon as he entered the room.

‘Captain, they say that we cannot return to our quarters.’

Kirk supported the woman. ‘I am so sorry, ma’am, but we have a security problem on that deck.’

She looked distressed.

‘You will, of course, be assigned another room.’

‘No, you don’t understand, captain, among our only possessions, I had a pendant which is a family heirloom…’ Kirk tried to calm her down.

‘It is, of course. just a precaution. I will ask someone to retrieve your possessions.’ He helped her to sit in a chair. Showing to an ensign from operations to assist him to get the luggage, which Ms. Neera and her grandson had carried on board.

The old lady calmed down. Her grandson was standing next to her, holding her hand. Something that Kirk found very sweet. The crew members with quarters on that deck also needed reassigning. Hopefully, Spock would sort this out.

Kirk turned towards the grandson. Still holding his grandmother’s hand, the adolescent man said in an agitated voice: ‘Captain, we appreciate your hospitality, however, it is imperative that we are transported to Llecoria 3.’ That was a week off course, at maximum warp.

‘I am sorry, I can understand that, however, it is impossible for us to make the detour.’

The young man looked agitated. ‘Captain, you don’t understand, it is a matter of life and death.’

His grandmother looked at him.

‘Shh, Jonas, can’t you see that it is not possible for the captain to fly us there.’ 

That strangely calmed the young man. He smiled suddenly, ‘I am sorry, captain, for my outburst.’

Kirk smiled forgivingly. ‘No problem, son, you and your grandmother are welcome as our guests until we arrive at a suitable destination,’ Kirk said pleasantly.

* * *

Kirk left for the astrophysics lab.

‘Any luck, Spock?’

‘Negative, captain, from my preliminary scans of the debris from the Tellarite freighter, I am still no closer to a solution. I am currently examining part of the hull from that ship.’ Kirk was more concerned about the crew and their two guests.

‘Any chance our two guests was also exposed to radiation?’

‘The scans did not show they were exposed to any significant radiation.’

They were interrupted by the bridge calling:

‘Captain Kirk, there are two more cases in rec room 2.’ Kirk flew up.

‘Spock, keep working on a solution.’ Kirk ordered.

* * *

Kirk arrived at the same time as two security officers and Commodore Pike. In the rec room, several chairs were kicked around. In one end of the room was the security officer he had talked to earlier about retrieving Ms. Neera’s luggage.

The security officer was standing calmly in the middle of the room, having a calm smile on his face. Yeoman Martin was however fixated in a strange tumble, as if she had been trying to escape from something. Her face stiffened in a scream.

‘I found them like this, captain.’ A very young-looking yeoman, who Kirk could not remember the name of, was sniffling at him.

Commodore Pike assisted her to sit down on one of the not overturned chairs. ‘It is all right, Maggie, they are not harmed.’ Tears ran down her face. She nodded, supporting herself to the sides of the chair. Kirk suppressed annoyance with the fact that Pike had known her name and he had not.

‘Richard,’ Pike gestured towards one of the arriving guards. ‘Help yeoman Hayes to the other rec room, and do not leave her out of you sight,’ Pike ordered.

‘It looks like the same as Mr. Murphy,’ Pike said, holding a hand out to examine the frozen crewman. Kirk was not too comfortable with Pike apparently trying to take over the investigation.

‘I’ll call Spock, he can say for certain,’ Kirk said determined.

‘Aren’t Spock in the middle of…?’ Pike cut him off, but apparently not wanting to overrule Kirk, said. ‘Okay, of course, captain.’

* * *

Spock arrived, and he began dutifully to scan the two latest victims.

‘Did your team find the black box from the Tellarite freighter?’ Kirk asked Pike.

‘Yes, but it was badly damaged.’ Kirk didn’t really like that Pike was taking this investigation over.

‘Maybe you should go back and assist them, commodore,’ the captain snapped. He almost regretted the way he had said it based solely on Pike’s facial expression.

‘I will leave then, captain,’ he said. Spock didn’t say anything, but from someone claiming not to understand emotions, Spock understood more than he let on.

Spock waited until Pike was firmly out of the door.

‘Captain, if you will allow me to express an opinion,’ Spock did not wait for permission. ‘I do believe that Commodore Pike’s unique experiences may help with this case.’

Kirk thought Pike should use his ‘unique experiences’ in getting information out of the black box and not interfere with Spock’s investigation.

‘Noted, Spock,’ Kirk said, no intention of use the recommendation for anything.

* * *

Captain Kirk had just entered the bridge before the next crew-member fell victim. This time, he only sent security.

‘Captain, we are getting reports from all over the ship,’ Uhura called, this was getting out of hand, he had hoped that Murphy was an isolated incident, however now it was getting worse.

He received another message, requesting that he came to the mess hall.

‘It appears that Commodore Pike has arrested one of our guests and has ordered security to search for the other one,’ Uhura explained, listening to the ship’s internal comm system.

Kirk got up, irritated. Why hadn’t Pike informed him about this? Taking control of security without informing the captain was close to mutiny.

Kirk called Pike on the intercom. ‘Bridge to Commodore Pike,’ 

Receiving an acknowledgment from Pike seconds later.

‘What are you doing, Pike?’

Pike said in an urgent tone from the other end:

‘We need to get a hold of the woman, Neera, she has a piece of a time crystal.’ Kirk hadn’t heard of time crystals.

‘The scans didn’t…’

‘Listen, she is freezing half the ship with it. When you apprehend it is imperative that you do not touch it.’ Then Pike ended the transmission.

‘Captain, our power is failing,’ the engineering station reported.

‘Scotty, what is going on down there?’ Kirk asked into the intercom. No response.

‘Scotty, acknowledge?’ He looked to the engineering station; lt. Patrick was pressing buttons frantically. ‘It is closing down, captain, I can’t do anything.’

Kirk pressed the intercom system again.

‘Captain, it appears that front parts of the saucer section are being flooded with Tachyons.’ Spock ran onto the bridge.

‘Seal the upper decks,’ Kirk ordered.

‘Captain, airlock on deck 12 have been manually opened,’ Uhura held a short break. ‘I think it is the woman, Neera, I think she just ejected herself out into space.’

‘Did she have the time crystal on her person?’ Kirk asked.

Spock continued scanning. ‘Yes, Captain, however the tachyon radiation keeps spreading through the decks.’

Pike called the bridge again. ‘Bridge, we were wrong about the time crystal, it prevents the spread.’

‘That might pose a problem as it was just ejected into space.’

‘Can you get a transporter lock?’

‘No, the transporters are dead, so is engineering,’ Kirk said into the intercom.

‘If it isn’t the time crystal doing this, what is then?’

‘We thought it was just part of the debris from the freighter, turns out it was making temporal bubbles when we inadvertently brought it back here. It has been some sort of weapon. The time crystal has been used as an off-switch on it.’

‘Damn it, we need to pick it up. Spock, are the shuttle-crafts operational?’

‘Affirmative, captain.’ Kirk was making a quick decision. Soon the entire ship would be engulfed in a time bubble.

‘Go and pick up that time crystal, Spock, I’ll release the hangar deck doors from here.’

* * *

Pike was already at the hangar deck when Spock arrived. Spock wasn’t a pilot.

‘I thought you could use a copilot,’ Pike said. Spock nodded in agreement.

‘Thank you, commodore,’ he said as Pike began preparing preflight tests, and tuning the different instruments.

‘Galileo II to bridge, acknowledge, ready for take-off.’

The small shuttle lifted insecurely from the deck and out through the hangar deck doors. The tingling sensation of the gravity field changing, and the adrenaline from the situation was making Pike’s hand shake.

He breathed in. Okay, calm hands. They needed to do this. It was the Enterprise that was at stake. The small shutters in the shuttle provided almost no view, and Pike looked frantically at the instruments for where to look for the woman who had ejected herself into space and her crystal.

He adjusted his scanner for tachyons and proceeded.

‘There it is,’ Pike said.

‘Spock can you grab it with the robotic arm?’

‘Affirmative, captain.’ Pike looked at Spock surprised; it was a long time since Spock had called him Captain. And Spock did not slip.

Spock moved the amulet from the woman through the airlock. The shining green crystal was partly broken. And carefully hold it in a containment field.

‘According to Jonas, it is attached to a device of some sorts.’ Pike looked curiously on the thing.

‘The control is broken, sir.’ Spock said.

‘Can you fix it?’ Pike asked.

‘Negative Captain, it appears that it is powered by the time crystal, however this one appears to be drained of energy.’

‘Damn,’ Pike said.

He looked at the shuttle’s long-range scanners, locked onto the Enterprise. Completely engulfed in red now. He tried hailing them, but there was no answer. He then scanned for life signs. It read 0. He hailed them, just to make certain, no reply. They were stranded in space, and their only change of rescue was broken.

Spock looked also worried, and at a loss as to what to do. They might be alive, but they had lost the Enterprise.

‘The woman mentioned Llecoria 3. It is a secluded planet and much like the Klingon world of Borath, it is rumored that the species have access to temporal displacement technology,’ Spock said, he didn’t sound particular confident.

‘Speculation, Spock?’ Pike made a half attempt to smile. It would probably be their only chance at making this out alive.

‘It is possible that if this technology originated there, they might have a replacement piece for the damaged control crystal.’

‘Do we have sufficient supplies for that type of trip?’ He almost added: ‘on this bucket.’

‘After it was refitted, we have sufficient supplies for a trip with a duration of 42 days and 2 hours of maximum speed, if we don’t find anywhere to resupply,’ Spock said.

‘And if we wait here for help?’ Pike asked. They were stranded in space, very far from any normal trade routes. It could take a year before someone would find them.

‘Oxygen will run out in 45 days 5 hours and 2 minutes, give or take.’

‘Give or take, Spock?’

‘Give or take wether you required exercise while on board.’ ‘I require exercise,’ Pike said, ‘So take then?’ He added.

‘Affirmative.’

‘And how long with it take for a round-trip to Llecoria 3?’

‘41 days, six hours, two minutes, 3 seconds.’ The margin was short.

‘Okay, Mr. Spock then set a course for Llecoria 3. And let’s hope that the Llecorians are willing to help us.’

* * *

Heaven was a soft bed and a pillow, Pike decided. He jerked awake His head had been resting against the wall and as he had fallen into a deep sleep, his head had bobbed forward.

‘Perhaps, it would be wise to sleep horizontally,’ Spock suggested helpfully.

‘Thank you, Spock.’ Pike took a long glance at Spock. The trip would be stenos. Especially confined to such a small space.

‘You do not have to stay awake just because I am sleeping,’ Pike said.

‘I am aware, sir.’

‘I know it is a sign of respect, Spock, and I know we are on duty, but could you call me by my first name, else it is going to be a long trip,’ Pike said.

‘The duration of the trip does not change depending on what I call you, sir.’ Spock said. Pike liked Spock, but this was going to be a long trip.

‘Just indulge me, Spock.’ Was that almost a smile on Spock’s face?

‘Very well, Christopher,’ Spock conceited in a soft voice. Pike liked it when Spock called him Christopher, he only did that when they were off duty. It was a sign of friendship, and Pike didn’t have many friends.

There were six metallic emergency blankets, which could, no matter how they were utilized, not be folded into a pillow. They could also in no way possibly be used as a Madras. Pike still opted for one to sleep on anyway and use one as a blanket.

Pike decided on using his uniform jacket as a pillow. He carefully folded it and put it on top of the blanket. The floor on the shuttlecraft was hard interrupted by the humming and occasional change in the gravimetric field.

‘I am aware that this is a personal question, but which light setting do you usually prefer when sleeping?’ Spock asked as he studied the made-up bed Pike had made on the floor.

‘Eh, 5%, but I can sleep in other settings, I prefer it not to be 100%, though.’ He said as an afterthought. Lighting setting was not an easy topic for him. In the weeks that had followed his immobilizing accident, he occasionally had been forgotten in a room with full lighting. Not being able to turn the light off himself or to call for help.

Pike went to the shuttle’s rear. The bathroom was more or less just a bucket, leading to a recycling and destination unit. There was no running water, except for the drinking water, and everything would have to be cleaned with the sonic cleaner.

He was used to using a sonic cleaner, and he knew that hands, bodies, clothes would get cleaner when using them. It was just nice to have the option of water for at least personal grooming.

Well, ‘nice’ was a luxury which they didn’t have.

Spock turned down the lights. Pike hoped that he would also go get some sleep soon.

* * *

Pike awoke in a jolt. Had he screamed? He hoped not and sat up and stumbled out of the makeshift bed on the floor. He could see the contour of Spock next to him. ‘Captain, are you injured?’ He asked.

‘No, no, I…’ His hands were shaking, and his heart kept racing.

He could see Spock’s contour, moving to the control panel. Light was set to around 50%. Spock sat down in front of him again.

‘Was it a night’s terror?’ Spock asked, like it was the most natural thing. Pike staring at his hands again and nodded.

‘Hmm, is this a frequent occurrence?’ He asked, probably accessing the hassle Pike was going to be.

Spock was an extremely private individual, and Pike felt bad that he would have to share a confined space for a longer duration.

‘Yes,’ Pike answered truthfully, full of guilt, part of it still lingered from the nightmare. All his nightmares were full of it, even if he could not recall afterwards what they had been about.

Spock studied him for a moment. He then very carefully placed his own slender hands on top of Pike’s. Instantly as their skin touched. The calm warm mind of the other man touched Pike’s. It was control of emotions, peace.

His breathing eased. Only fully understanding the intimacy of what Spock was doing a moment later. Spock let go, and he was calm and sleepy. Whatever the Vulcan had done, it made him comfortable. Even his sore back and legs were better.

Spock let go, got up again, turned the light down to 10%.

‘Christopher, you should try to get back to sleep, the duration of your sleep will not be adequate for you to function properly.’ Pike wanted to say something, but his drowsy mind forced him to lean back on his folded uniform before he fell asleep.

* * *

When Pike woke the next time, Spock had turned the lights to 30, and was reading something on a PADD.

Pike was tangled in the emergency blanket, and for a moment he had almost forgotten why he was on a shuttlecraft. Whatever Spock had done to him the day before had helped. He didn’t remember to have slept that well since before he served on the Discovery.

‘I turned the lights to 30% when I woke up, I hope you do not mind.’

Pike desperately tried to get his mind to work.

‘What time is it?’ He asked, his voice hoarse.

‘It is 1308 hours, standard time,’ Spock answered. Pike moved upward. He had slept over 15 hours.

‘So, you have been reading at 30% since you woke up at…?’ He asked worried.

‘I woke up at 0500, but I have not been reading for a longer duration than two hours.’

‘Jesus, Spock, I don’t mind you turning on the lights when you wake up.’

‘I was not aware that your sleep deficiency was that severe, I did not want to wake you.’ Pike struggled to get up, his back and legs were stiff. It probably looked as elegant as it felt. He went to the utility room in the back to use the refreshing unit and look for food rations.

‘Have you eaten?’ Pike asked.

‘I have not, would you like me to prepare something?’ Spock asked.

‘Just because I am a commodore, I am not qualified to find the ration packs?’ He said in jest. He could see Spock stiffen.

‘Sir, I would in no way imply that...’ ‘Relax, Spock, it was a jest, I know what you meant.’

Spock relaxed.

‘This, we wouldn’t make it if you don’t allow me my share of the work.’ He took two of the ration packs. It was just tasteless nutrition and fibers. The standing joke was that it was the major deterrent to get stranded.

Pike poured the greyish powder onto two plates, and added water, making it look even more revolting. The oily cardboard taste was not doing anything for his nausea. He tried to hide his discomfort over the food from Spock, who luckily didn’t comment.

* * *

If they ever got back to the Enterprise, or any kind of federation space, Pike decided he would dedicate his life to promote better chairs on shuttles.

‘Does your back hurt?’ Spock asked. Why was he so damn observant?

‘Yeah, and my legs, it is these damn chairs.’ And his pelvis, and his neck, and he was damn space-sick. At least he had gotten more sleep the past week, even if it was on the floor of a space shuttle. And despite his initial concern about sharing close quarters with Spock, it was actually working.

He had frequently almost told Spock about the baby. But as it was unnecessary to talk about, and it would not improve their chances, it might even make Spock even more concerned. He had decided against it.

‘This is the twenty-fifth time you mention the chairs on this journey.’

‘I am sorry Spock, I know that it is not within anyone’s control.’ ‘I did not intend to belittle your discomfort,’ Spock said.

‘I know.’ Pike got up, legs cramping, and before he knew it, he was flat on the floor.

Spock flew immediately to assist him. ‘Stay down,’ Pike breathed in and out. The muscles in his left leg were cramping. ‘My leg is cramping,’ Pike said. Spock located the medical kit in the back room.

Spock scanned Pike with the handheld tricorder. ‘Could you check my blood pressure now you are at it?’ Pike breathed in and out as the cramping was slowly decreasing, and he pushed himself backwards towards a chair.

‘Eh, are you aware that you appear to pregnant?’ Spock asked, looking at the scanner.

‘Yes, I am aware of that,’ Pike said tiredly, this was getting private.

For once it looked like Spock had trouble knowing what to say.

‘Did Doctor McCoy confirm that?’

Pike didn’t want to have this conversation. Spock sounded more disturbed by this than he had hoped.

‘Yes, before we left the Enterprise, Doctor McCoy was treating me.’

‘If you don’t mind me asking, but this seems unusual.’ Well, it bloody well was.

‘Well...’ how to explain this without it getting too awkward or private. Belay that, this was way too awkward already.

‘Ahm, the Talosians might have made a plumbing mistake when fixing me after the accident.’ ‘Plumbing?’

‘A euphemism, Spock, can we leave it at that?’ Pike was pretty certain he was red in the face. Spock looked like he had a lot more questions, but did not push it any further.

‘Could you just check my blood pressure?’ Pike interrupted the silence.

‘It is slightly elevated; I do, however, not know how to treat it here. We might have to hope it won’t get any worse before we are safely back at the Enterprise.’ If they got safely back at the Enterprise. But Pike appreciated Spock’s optimism.

The cramping was getting better. And Pike sat back up in the chair.

‘You should refrain from sitting too much in the same position, you could utilize one of the other chair’s as leg support,’ Spock stated quietly. Pulling out one chair, which they had stored in a corner, up next to him.

* * *

‘Christopher?’ Spock asked in a voice that made Pike think that Spock had been planning to ask him something for a long time.

‘Yes, Spock?’ Pike asked. He hoped that they were not going to discuss other euphemisms.

‘Are you unhappy with my decision on transporting you to Talos when...?’ Where did that come from? Pike sighed. Of course, small talk had been sparse at this trip so far. Not that he minded. But this was a complex conversation.

‘After the accident?’ Pike asked bitterly.

‘Yes,’ Spock said, then hesitated, ‘I know that you repeatedly said no to me taking you there.’

Pike gulped, memories of him being locked in, not being able to explain, not being able to say anything. Not being able to move even one’s hand.

He calmed himself.

‘Yes, I did.’

‘I have been wondering whether you even now feel resentment towards me.’

How long had Spock been worried about that? Pike looked up; the other man looked guilt-ridden.

‘I could never feel resentment towards you,’ Pike said in earnest, ‘I am grateful, Spock. You would sacrifice your career, your freedom end even your life for me. For me having a better life. How can I feel anything other?’

Spock looked up. Had Spock been afraid this whole time that Pike would be unhappy in any way with him? He could never resent Spock. Kind, loyal, sweet.

‘At the time, I was certain that I was in the right, that it would indeed be better for you there.’ He studied Pike for a moment.

‘However, when you have night terrors, the feelings you radiate are that of deep regret and shame.’ Of course, Spock’s mind tricks would work two ways.

He sighed, how could he explain that the regret and shame was something he inflicted on himself? The friendship he shared with Spock would be in serious jeopardy if he told the truth about the escape from Talos. Spock’s loyalties would be divided, and Pike would be the one to lose.

‘I violated my own principles down there, Spock, that regret is not on you. I did something so holy unforgivable, that I will live with it for the rest of my life.’

Spock contemplated something for a moment before he replied, ‘I see.’ He looked away for a moment.

‘Did that include what happened to Captain Kirk on Talos?’ Spock asked.

‘Part of it, I believe the Talosians also…’

‘Took a memory… As they did with Michael?’

‘Yes, but not before that I had, we had...’

Spock’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Captain Kirk is the father of your child.’ It was a conclusion, not a question. Tears were forming in his eyes. Shame flashed over him.

‘You regret having intercourse with him?’ Spock asked.

‘Yes, I deliberately mislead him.’

Spock held a minor break. ‘Does Captain Kirk know of this deception?’

Pike nodded as he tried hiding his face.

‘Yes, I believe that it is where his hostility for me originates from,’ Pike said full of sorrow. His own guilt of not addressing his crime was no one’s fault but his own. Spock hesitated.

‘I will not pretend that I understand much of human emotions, but from what I have seen of Captain Kirk, I do not believe that he harbors any grudge towards you,’ Spock said carefully. ‘I believe that Captain Kirk finds authority difficult, and that his hostility originates more from your position than your person. In fact, I have heard him express his high opinion of you on several occasions when you were not present.’

Pike wished that Spock was correct, however it did not make his shame any less.

‘I apologize for this conversation, Christopher, I did not intend to upset you,’ Spock spoke softly.

Pike cleared his face. And took a deep breath. He would not like that he was imposing his own shortfalls to Spock.

‘Spock, you have done nothing wrong,’ Pike said after having collected himself.

Spock nodded, but unfortunately did not look completely convinced.

* * *

Spock did not stop being caring of him it increased during their trip. Taking care of him, making sure that he did regular physiotherapeutic exercises to help him survive in the constricted space. He helped him with his nightmares, and he tried reworking the chairs to fit better.

The afternoons went by with either silent reading, or different philosophical or tactical discussions.

Spock sometimes looked at him as if he wanted to ask about the baby. Peaking at his stomach strangely, and then quickly looking away again.

He knew that his predicament was beginning to be very visible. His clothes were getting too tight and his toned abdominal muscles began losing their shape completely compared to when they first came on board.

‘I am aware that you prefer not to discuss your predicament,’ Spock began,

‘and I apologize if I cause any discomfort…’ At least he didn’t call it a bun. ‘…I do not wish to inflict pain. But as I understand the federation regulation on termination of human pregnancies is set at seventeen weeks, I believe if that is your wish, the window will close within 2.5 days.’

Did Spock just offer to perform an abortion on him?

‘Eh, Spock, while I regret the decisions that got me into this… predicament, I am not opposed to having a child, while perhaps a little unexpected. But I appreciate that you value my options,’ he smiled.

‘I see.’ Spock sounded surprised.

‘You have a plan for what to do, once the child will eventually be born?’

Pike sighed, yeah, he had thought about that. If they survived this ordeal, he would return to Earth, resign from Starfleet and get a small ranch in Mojave with possible a couple of horses. 

‘I’ll resign my commission as soon as we return to Earth,’ Pike said eventually.

‘Have you discussed this with Captain Kirk?’

‘He is superficially aware of my plans.’ Spock looked surprised.

‘And he did not try to stop you?’ Pike had no idea why Kirk would, he had not appeared to be interested in pressing charges.

* * *

‘We will enter orbit of Llecoria 3 in one hour, sir,’ Spock said.

‘Scans show that Llecoria 3 has limited population, should I hail them and ask for landing permission?’

‘Yes, please Spock.’

‘They respond that we can land and get an interview.’

Spock insisted that Pike did not leave the shuttle. He returned pale as a sheet with the missing time crystal. He said nothing.

‘Did you touch it?’ Pike asked.

‘Affirmative.’

Pike remembered the time he had visited Borath. ‘Did you see a piece of the future?’ He asked. Spock just looked completely stiff. Yes, he had definitely seen something bad, and since he had taken the crystal, he had made the same choice as Pike had done all those years previously.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘Not at present,’ Spock said. He looked worried; he should have done it instead of Spock. They shot out of the atmosphere in silence.

* * *

‘Spock, you have to say something at some point,’ Pike said, worried.

‘I am sorry, that I have not been very sociable this past day.’ Pike understood that whatever vision Spock had seen of his future, it had been as unpleasant as the one he himself had seen.

‘It is all right Spock; I’ll be here if you need to talk.’ Literately; they had three weeks back to Enterprise. Pike missed the Enterprise. While the handheld sonic could clean them and their clothes, he looked forward to get a hot bath and a shave. Not to mention the food rations, which on top of tasting horrible, did not have any variation.

His greying beard another reminder of his age. Spock was a young man still. He hoped that whatever he had seen would be many years into the future. He hoped that Spock’s fate would not be as crippling as his own vision of the future had been.

Pike knew that he should be grateful, that he was out of the chair, and that he had escaped Talos. But he could not, he would end his star-fleet career by an act of deception. That he would never forgive him the transgression he had made to produce this child.

* * *

‘I think I have a rudimentary idea of how to operate this device,’ Spock said, while working on the time crystal. They wouldn’t have a long time once they were back to the Enterprise.

Pike suspected that Spock had skipped sleeping completely after they had begun their return trip. Spock would sit up and meditate whenever Pike woke up in the middle of the night.

‘Don’t you ever sleep?’ He growled. ‘As I have explained Vulcans do not require the same amount of sleep as humans do,’

Pike could identify bullshit when he heard it. ‘I know, but you have skipped it altogether, please tell me what is bothering you.’

Spock again did not reply.

‘It is a private matter, Christopher,’ he said after some thoughts.

‘On Borath all those years ago, I lived through the accident when I touched the crystal,’ Pike admitted.

Spock looked surprised.

‘Which accident did you see?’

‘The accident, the one with the radioactive panel.’

Spock looked at him worriedly. ‘It cannot have been easy for you to know that that would happen in the future,’ he intoned.

‘No, Spock it was not. It was not an easy burden to bear. I am asking you to share your burden with me.’

Spock hesitated. ‘I saw my own demise, in the engine room of the Enterprise, I am destined to be trapped, to die, to be suffocated by a radioactive leak that I ran to close off.’

Pike’s heart drop. ‘Oh, Spock, I am so sorry.’ 

Spock softened a little.

‘Do not be burdened. But I fear that in this instance I am no longer in control of my emotions.’ ‘That is why you meditate more,’ Pike concluded, the loss of emotional control would be what bothered Spock most.

‘I am so sorry,’ Pike said with all the compassion he could express.

‘You should not be sorry for my sake, you too have endured more, I can say that at least I would be spared to live with the injuries you suffered.’ Pike was uncertain death sounded that much better at that instance, but he had chosen not to contradict him.

‘When you move to Earth, would you permit me to visit you from time to time?’ Spock asked hesitantly.

‘Of course, Spock,’ Pike said. This appeared to calm him.

* * *

The Enterprise was still engulfed in a red cloud of Tachyons. They were dead in space, just as the Tellarite ship had been.

‘We should not get too close before we activate the device,’ Spock said. ‘We are still operating under a vast amount of assumptions onto how this device works.’

Pike nodded.

They had less than 12 hours of oxygen and fuel left. After that they would die a cold death in space, or perhaps he would. Spock would die a painful death in a radiation-filled engine room of the Enterprise. Was that a small mercy? Pike couldn’t tell.

‘We should be able to operate the device from within the shuttle, and hopefully the bubbles should begin to function in our time as well.’ Spock activated the device, Pike looked at the scans in the meantime.

It appeared to be working, as the red field around the Enterprise began fading. The instruments began lighting up with measurements of the engines, the hull, the crew.

Pike could feel his heart hammering away in his chest, out of relief. He fell back in the chair; weeks of stress was crashing down on him. He shook. Spock looked equally relieved.

Pike placed a hand on the slight bump that had formed in the previous weeks. A slight flicker was moving around inside him. 

He was apprehensive, he wanted to protect the innocent child. On the other side, the intrusion of something growing inside him made him uncomfortable.

A part that was no longer himself. A feature that did not belong to his gender. Or the gender he should have. Now he was something strange in between.

* * *

Captain Kirk’s skin tingled, and then he opened his eyes. They needed to get the shuttlecraft out of the dock before it was too late. The mystical field was moving up the decks. He looked towards the helm position.

‘Is the shuttle ready to take off?’ Kirk asked.

‘Sir, there is something strange going on. The shuttle has already left the Enterprise and is currently 2000m out in space.’ Kirk looked at the ship’s clock. It was set according to star positions and was accurate.

42 days, they had lost 42 days. ‘All decks are reporting in,’ Uhura said relieved.

‘No one appears to be trapped anymore. But how?’ Kirk looked at the viewscreen with the shuttle outside.

He wondered how long time had passed for the shuttle.

‘The Galileo II is requesting landing permission, captain,’ Uhura said. So at least Spock weren’t dead out there. ‘Yes, yes, of course.’

‘Commodore Pike is hailing us from the shuttle, audio only.’

Pike had been on board as well. Relief turned into worry.

42 days in a space shuttle, Spock was a Vulcan, he could tolerate it. But a human? One of the first thing they taught at Star-fleet academy was that humans were not designed to be confined to compact spaces for a prolonged period. And with Pike’s history, it might have been living torture.

‘This is Pike, are you all right over there, Enterprise?’ Pike asked concerned over the comm. ‘Yes, the field is gone from everywhere, I don’t know how you did it. But all decks are clear.’ ‘Good to hear, Enterprise. Spock and me are looking forward to something else than ration bars, and sonic cleaners.’

* * *

It took several hours to get Enterprise’s shields and engines up again in the correct order, so Captain Kirk did not get the opportunity to see Pike and make sure he was okay.

Time had not passed on the Enterprise; more than a month had gone by for the shuttle. Spock had not seemed too affected. He just turned up on the bridge, freshly shaved and in a clean uniform after twenty minutes.

‘Commodore Pike and I were on the shuttle for 42 standard Earth days. When we had retrieved the time crystal, we could free the ship from the tachyon fields,’ Spock reported at the debriefing with the department heads.

Pike entered after that, he just took a chair and said apologetically: ‘Sorry I am late, please continue.’ He too had shaved and found a pressed uniform. Kirk tried to meet his eyes, but Pike just looked straight ahead. The commodore was flipping through the information on the terminal in front of him.

His belly had grown considerably. Most of it was hidden from Kirk because of the table, but it was clear that his body had changed. Kirk wondered whether anyone else had noticed. But Pike wasn’t drawing any attention to that part of his body. So possibly not.

Possible it could be attributed to fallout from being confined to a tiny space for 42 days.

‘Commodore,’ Spock whispered. ‘You should be resting.’

‘Spock, so should you.’ And Pike smiled to Spock, dimples and everything. Kirk was suddenly jealous that he had not been stranded with Pike on a shuttle for 42 days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :-)


	5. Being the Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk almost gets himself killed and Enterprise gets a new captain.

‘Should you be running in your condition?’ Kirk asked. Pike pursed his lips while staring at the captain, annoyed. Kirk sat at his usual table, early morning, when Pike had turned up, sweaty and in his tracksuit.

‘I have not been able to run for a month, so yes,’ Pike answered and went down to get breakfast from the replicator.

For a minute, Captain Kirk worried he had affronted Pike enough for him to leave. Pike however appeared easily to forget his initial annoyance.

‘May I join you?’ Pike asked more friendly when he returned with his breakfast. Taking the opposite side of the table.

‘I saw your message about the situation on the ship’s bulletin.’ Kirk wanted to hear how the other felt about the pregnancy now being public.

Pike sighed.

The message explained that Pike was pregnant. He had been scarce on details, however, as most crew members were used to strange events happening on board a starship. Something like a pregnancy, while maybe a bit unusual, was generally just noted and not considered all that interesting.

‘Yeah, the way you stared at me when I got back, I guess it is visible now.’ So, he had noticed Kirk looking. Kirk sank the lump in his throat and felt strangely weak, as Pike moved a hand across his belly. 

‘When we rendezvous with the Kelvin in one week, I’ll transfer,’ Pike said, making Kirk tear his eyes away from Pike’s midsection.

Petrified for a moment, Kirk finally got his speech back

‘Why?’ Was the only thing that made sense to say. Hadn’t their relationship improved? He didn’t want Chris to leave.

‘They are returning to Earth and I’ll resign my commission for good.’

Kirk panicked.

‘I thought that you would stay with us for at least a couple of months more,’ he said weakly.

Chris would run and take their child with him. Suddenly, Kirk couldn’t stomach the thought of not having the other man on board.

‘Jim, you do not need my help in running a starship you have been running for the past four and a half year,’ Pike explained calmly.

Kirk thought frantically on things he could say for Pike to not leave in seven days. But he could not come up with a single argument besides that he didn’t want him to.

‘There is a reason why there is only one Captain on board a starship, we don’t complement each other very well,’ Pike told him.

Kirk wanted to say something contrary, but it was true.

Pike finished his breakfast and left Kirk sitting there with his PADD.

It was like Ruth, like Carol, like every other meaningful relationship he had ever had. It had stopped before it ever had gotten permanent.

He did the only thing he knew how to; he went to the bridge and took over from Lt. Comdr. O’Leary, who had had the bridge for gamma shift.

* * *

‘What happened in that month, Spock? I am sure you were very annoyed by having to share such a confined space with a human for 42 days?’ McCoy asked Spock.

‘On the contrary, doctor, I find Commodore Pike’s company very stimulating,’ Spock said. Kirk sighed and drank a pinch more of Doctor McCoy’s better whiskey.

‘Well, you must have done something, he is leaving.’

Spock looked at Kirk with a curious facial expression, still standing with the PADD he was supposed to hand to Doctor McCoy.

‘Commodore Pike is not stationed on the Enterprise; I fail to see why that is a surprise.’

Kirk sighed, he knew that, but this was so soon. ‘But why is he leaving now? And not as planned, when the Enterprise returns to Earth.’

Spock tried handing the PADD to Doctor McCoy again.

‘You must have done something to him, Spock.’

‘It would not be logical to assume that he is. leaving because of me, as I am not the one who left him in this situation.’ At that, Spock placed his PADD in front of Doctor McCoy and left.

‘If I didn’t know any better, I would classify that as an emotional response,’ Doctor McCoy said calmly and drank the remainder of the content of his own glass.

‘What do I do, Bones, how can I convince Pike to stay?’

‘You can’t, Jim, I am sure that an officer like the commodore does not leave Starfleet due to a sudden impulse. He has likely thought about it for some time, probably since we left Talos.’

‘Yes, I know, he told me, but I didn’t think he was serious.’

McCoy sighed with a resignedly look. ‘Then why are you complaining?’

‘Because I want him to stay. And I had hoped he felt the same thing.’

McCoy decided that Spock’s boring report was less of a hassle than hearing about Kirk’s love life, because he began reading.

‘Have you tried telling him that? Now shoo, the pointy eared bastard has given me a rather annoying homework assignment.’

Kirk got up, that he was slightly drunk, it didn’t help on the feeling of being abandoned. Why he felt like that, when he and Pike never had had that much of a relationship to begin with, was puzzling.

Ruth, he had at least been together with for three years. She had been young and beautiful and soft and caring. She had left him when his career had taken too much of his time.

Carol had been the same. He had almost married her, but she had hated Starfleet. She had asked him to stay away, even when their son was born; and he had respected that.

And then there was Helen. He had not loved Helen, but that had at least been on the brink of something more permanent before it had turned sour.

And of course, all the other that had been there. However, none of them gave him butterflies in his belly when they were around. Not the warm contentment like electricity that were there when Chris looked at him with those blue eyes.

He needed to persuade Chris to stay.

For the first time in his life, he wanted one person and one person alone. And that person did not want him.

* * *

‘Are you drunk?’ Pike asked suspiciously. Yes, Kirk was perhaps a little drunk. He stood outside Pike’s open door. Heart racing like crazy. ‘I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to tell you something really important.’

Pike sighed. ‘You better come in then.’ Pike was still wearing his uniform, hair as always, perfect. Smelt nice too.

Kirk probably looked like something that had slept under a porch. ‘I love you,’ Kirk said. Better just tell the truth, and then maybe work something out.

Pike stared at him, opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it again.

Pike quickly regained his composure,

‘Jim, sit down,’ Pike said determined and marched Kirk to sit in a chair. ‘I want to be your boyfriend,’ Kirk continued. Pike eyed him suspiciously. ‘Have you been breathing in something strange, like space spores?’ He asked.

Kirk shook his head. Pike appeared to think that he was not himself. He was perhaps himself with half a bottle of scotch consumed.

‘I have not been breathing in space spores. I swear, just please tell that I am not the only one who wants this.’ Pike eyed him as if Kirk definitely was the only one who wanted that, full of skepticism.

‘Are you dizzy or feeling strange?’ Pike continued as if Kirk was a victim of some unknown space condition.

‘I really do love you; I want you to stay, I can live with you being Captain, if you stay.’ Kirk tried again. Possible he could not, but he was desperate.

‘Something is seriously wrong; do you know if anyone else has been affected by this?’ Pike asked now, slightly agitated. Kirk just shook his head. What else could he say? If Pike believed that everything he was saying was because he was under the influence of some unknown alien effect.

Pike accessed the intercom.

‘Doctor McCoy, I think something is wrong with the Captain, could you come to my quarters and check if he is under the influence of an unknown substance?’ There was a pause before McCoy acknowledged.

‘Well, he damn well drank half of my good scotch, call Spock and get him to handle it. McCoy out.’

‘Chris, I am telling you the truth, I really do love you.’ Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have gone down here drunk. He was definitely regretting that now.

Pike was messaging Spock; this was one of the most embarrassing things he had ever done.

It was obvious that Pike did not share his feelings and worse; that Pike actually didn’t think that he in a sound mind meant it.

He wanted to hold Chris and kiss him. He wanted to touch him everywhere, to feel their baby through his skin. To wake up with him in the morning.

Spock did not look pleased when he showed up. This was also below the behavior expected of a Starfleet captain, and Pike had made his feelings abundantly clear.

Pike was saying in a low voice. ‘Could you take him back to his quarters and a bit discreetly? I don’t want the crew to see him like this.’ Spock nodded.

* * *

Kirk woke up with a hangover combined with regret. Not for going over to Pike to tell him how he felt, but rather Pike’s disbelief in that he had meant what he had said. Kirk had never tried before that he couldn’t get someone he was interested in, and it felt heart-crushing.

Of course, he could get Pike to come around, but he might need more time, and as the scheduled rendezvous approached, time was running out.

‘I am not going to say anything...’ McCoy said when joining Kirk on his walk to the bridge. ‘You need to stop behaving like a lovesick schoolboy.’ Kirk was not in the mood. ‘I thought you weren’t going to say anything, Bones.’ 

He jerked a hypo spray in Kirk’s neck. ‘This is because I am a very nice person.’

His headache began fading.

‘So, what do we have?’ Kirk asked, he was still stiff in the neck. Spock didn’t comment on the episode in Commodore Pike’s quarters the day before, and for that he was grateful.

When they had approached the mining colony, they had picked up a weak distress signal in the normal radio spectrum.

‘M-class planet, pre-warp, the mining colony is located on its outermost moon, Yssarium V.’ ‘Did the distress call originate from that moon?’ Kirk asked. ‘Negative, it came from the planet.’

Hopefully the miners had not interfered in Chenopra III’s indigenous species. ‘Scan the moon for the mining colony,’ Kirk said.

‘Captain, the mining colony appears to have been completely destroyed. As Yssarium V does not have an atmosphere, there is nothing left that can sustain life.’

Kirk got up from his chair.

‘The mining colony did not have spaceships for a complete evacuation.’ That meant that most of the men and women on the colony might not have made it.

‘How many inhabitants were on the Pavera Mining colony?’ ‘25, sir.’ ‘Okay, Spock, we are beaming down to the planet. Let’s see if we can’t locate the source of the distress signal.’

Spock nodded.

‘Bones, you are with us. Sulu, you have the bridge.’

* * *

Spock, McCoy, Kirk, and two guards beamed down. They were as close to the source of the distress signal as possible. But in an area where there should not be any natives in sight.

The area they had beamed down to was filled with giant trees and heavy vegetation. ‘The signal is emanating from some sort of structure in that direction.’ Spock pointed towards an opening between the trees.

‘Let us hope that we find survivors of the mining company,’ Kirk said. ‘Remember, if we meet any of the locals, we can under no circumstance reveal our true identities.’

The ground was damp and undisturbed, and it took longer than anticipated to reach the structure. Ancient ruins began appearing from the dense under-forest. Until they came to the outskirt of an ancient stone structure.

‘Fascinating, Captain, the ruins appear to be similar to that of Earth Mayan and Aztec cultures,’ Spock said as the under-forest cleared with a full view of a valley that reviled gigantic structures build and maised out of stone.

The weak sound of singing was filling the else undisturbed place.

‘Captain, from the state of these ruins they would appear to be abandoned, but several thousand life-forms appear on the scans.’ Kirk was immediately alerted.

‘The distress signal appears to come from the largest structures.’

Suddenly a woman rushed past them. She was humanoid and was wearing a long-hooded robe.

‘Hurry, hurry,’ she yelled at them, ‘the Gods will answer our prayers. The sacrifice, we must all be there!’ She hurried along; Kirk made signals to the away-team to follow.

They arrived at an open square where hundreds of locals were gathered. In front of them was a large pyramid.

‘Captain, the distress signal is coming from the center of that pyramid,’ Spock whispered. No-one in the crowd took any notice of them. They were focused on the top of the pyramid.

Suddenly the crowd erupted in a scream that echoed into a chant as a red dressed priest with a large stick came out on the top of the stairs. He raised the stick towards the sky as the chanting from the crowd intensified.

He then, in a swing, pushed it into the ground. Blue lightening erupted as electricity flew in sparks around him.

‘That is some sort of high energy beam, Captain,’ Spock whispered against the chant.

‘We shall sacrifice so the Gods may listen,’ the priest yelled.

The chant erupted into one understandable word: ‘Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.’ Kirk definitely didn’t like this; this was the prelude to something really bad.

Two white dressed guards moved out, a figure behind the priest.

‘That is Marc Thompson, the director of the Pavera mining base.’ McCoy gasped. But before any one of them could react, the priest took his long stick and pushed it towards Thomson, sparks engulfing the poor man.

The crowd grew silent, and Thompson’s agonizing scream pierced through the air. He fell to the ground, still screaming.

Kirk tried to push through the crowd; but he felt Spock holding him firm. ‘There is nothing we can do, Jim.’ Life was seeping out of Thomson and after ten minutes he grew silent.

The crowd began moving away from the square. Kirk gave the signal to the away-team to move away too.

‘The signal is still active Captain; I believe I might have found an alternative entrance to the pyramid,’ Spock said, looking at his scanner.

They moved to the back of the pyramid where a small opening in the massive stone mason was barred by metal bars.

‘It appears to be a low-level iron alloy; we should be able to remove one without phasors.’ Kirk set his phasor to the next highest setting and shot at a bar. The bar melted immediately.

The pyramid was damp and dark, and as they proceeded into the maze, the corridors got smaller and smaller. Spock had a flashlight and was leading them to the place where the signal came from.

The Pyramid smelled like sod from the torches that hang in the corridors. The torches were the only source of light in the darkness.

Suddenly the corridors opened up and revealed holding cells. In the first holding cells, two men were sprawled on the floor. As soon as they saw the away-team, they got up.

‘This appear to be members from the Pavera mining company,’ Spock said. ‘Thank God, thank God,’ the elderly man said.

‘You must save us,’ the younger man begged; he was wearing in a darkened and dirty coverall from the mining company.

‘The system was hit by a catastrophic event six months ago, and the colony was destroyed. We had to evacuate to the planet,’ the old man explained.

‘The locals thought that we were the cause of the explosion. They have been killing us one at a time,’ the younger man sobbed.

‘We are the only ones left,’ the older man continued. ‘We didn’t think you would get our signal.’ He extended a small handheld beacon.

But as Kirk prepared his phasor, they heard steps and voices. ‘Hurry, they are coming back.’ Four guards in white dress attacked them. ‘More strangers, the Gods will have their vengeance,’ the red dressed priest yelled.

‘Phasors on stun,’ Kirk yelled, and shot the first guard. One of the operations officers came in altercation with one of the white dressed guards.

They were already good on their way to breaking general order one. Kirk broke free and hailed Enterprise.

‘Enterprise lock onto my signal in twenty seconds, two to beam up.’ He threw the communicator to the two mining operators. As he saw the two being turned into energy and disappear, Captain Kirk felt an extreme pain, excruciating.

He turned as in slow motion before he realized he had been hit by the red priest’s stick.

Kirk could hear a scream as through a tunnel. McCoy, he realized, was screaming something towards him. The priest sank to his knee, Spock having immobilized him with a Vulcan nerve grip.

Pain ripped him apart, and no oxygen came into his lungs. Darkness came around him, and the only thing he could feel was that he would never have the chance to see his child being born or to hold Chris in his arms.

The last thing on his mind was the realization that he had not had the time to persuade Chris to care about him even a little.

* * *

Pike were running as fast as he could to the transporter room. He arrived just as the away-team materialized on the platform. Doctor McCoy and Captain Kirk had beamed to the same transporter pad. McCoy sat on top of the Captain.

Kirk was seizing, his skin tone was red and bloated, and white froth was running from his mouth, down his cheek. McCoy put a small device on Kirk’s chest, Kirk gave out a jolt when the device activated. ‘His heart is beating again. Where is that damn gurney?’

Pike, who had been as transfixed, began moving. He carried Kirk’s legs and helped the nurse to carry the Captain to the gurney.

McCoy gave Pike a worried look as he hurried past, while they pushed the hover gurney to the turbo lift for the sickbay.

Kirk crashed again in the turbo-lift.

McCoy stopped the gurney on its way out.

‘Stand back,’ he ordered.

‘Damn it, Jim, come on,’ the doctor cursed and adjusted the portable defibrillator before activating it again.

Pike stepped back; his back pressed towards the wall of the lift. Staring in shock at the scene in front of him. Kirk’s hands were hanging lifelessly over the sides of the gurney, while Doctor McCoy frantically pushed buttons on the medical device.

The turbo lift doors opened. ‘Now, go, go. We need to get him to sickbay,’ McCoy yelled, the two nurses pushed and ran.

Doctor McCoy was running and preparing a hypo spray at the same time. Blood was running from Kirk’s nose; it was seeping slowly.

Pike had never been good at injuries.

It had always been a horrible feeling that people could get hurt, but usually he just worked around it. He had always just focused his mind into order, into the order of a Captain or commanding officer. His mind told him what needed to be done and in what order, then he would do it.

But now, his mind was a chaos. Doctor McCoy yelled orders. Cutting Kirk’s clothes off. Nurses attached tubes and machines. Several bags of medicine were attached.

Kirk was on the brink of death and nothing could save him. The same scene played out for Pike almost five years before. He had been awake. Looking at the spectacle, looking as life and functions in his body that sat out one after the other.

Now it was the same with Kirk. He felt dizzy, panic, dread. Pike stumbled backwards. He could not faint now. That would draw resources from the operation in front of him. He moved back, found a corner of sickbay and sank down.

Concentrated on not hyperventilating. Not before a moment had passed, he realizes that he had put a hand on his stomach. As if the child needed calming down and not himself.

Pike was in too much of a shock to even realize that Doctor McCoy had stopped working on his patient and had moved to where he sat. The doctor dried his hands from disinfectant cream.

‘He is stable,’ the doctor said, Pike was still unmoving. Tears had been running down his face. First, he thought he heard wrong; McCoy kneeled next to him.

‘Here, let me help you.’ He took Pike’s hand and help him stand. ‘He can’t hear you, but there is a chair next to him.’ Pike was still too shocked to say anything. ‘Nurse Chapel, could you get the commodore a glass of water?’

Pike dropped on the chair and accepted the water, but did not drink, he just placed it on the side-table.

Kirk was unconscious, his face had been cleaned, and a deadly grey had replaced the red color one. He instantly moved his hand to be on top of the Captain’s. To feel if there was just a little life left.

Behind him, he could hear Spock and McCoy talking in low voices. ‘...stable…’ ‘…not out of danger…’ ‘…we’ll see, if he wakes up…’ Pike tangled his fingers with Jim’s. He knew he had no right to. But it might be the last time he had the chance to.

* * *

Pike sank down in the command chair on the bridge. Sank a lump before looking at Uhura.

‘Ship wide communications, please.’

‘Yes, sir.’ She too knew that this was not good.

‘This is commodore Christopher Pike speaking. Yesterday afternoon Captain Kirk was injured on a rescue mission to Chenopra III.’

He had to compose himself so he wouldn’t crack up.

‘Captain Kirk’s condition is still severe, and he remains unconscious. Until he is fit to return to duty, I am taking control of this vessel as the new acting Captain.’ Pike stopped the transmission.

He looked at Spock seriously. ‘Spock, I hope you are sure that this is what you want.’ Spock nodded. ‘Okay, then transfer the command codes of the Enterprise to me.’ Spock took his isometric measures.

Pike almost hoped that Spock would accidentally show his records to the entire bridge crew. But of course, that didn’t happen. That had been in a different life, on a different ship.

‘Command codes of the federation Starfleet vessel USS Enterprise NCC-1701 transferred to Pike, Christopher, commodore,’ the computer recited in a mechanical voice.

‘Okay, Mr. Sulu, plot a course to rendezvous point with the USS Kelvin, warp factor 5.’ Sulu nodded.

‘Course laid in, Captain.’

‘Engage.’

That was the first time in his life where he hated being called Captain.

* * *

Pike had forgotten how much work the captain of a starship actually did. And that he had to read through 200 messages. Finding out which ones were already handled and finding out the status of all departments was not as easy as he remembered it. But he needed to do this, he needed to keep the ship running, if not for himself or for Spock, but for Jim Kirk.

He could not help feeling that he did all this for Jim, so it was ready when he returned for duty.

They were low on all supplies, maintenance had to be carried out on multiple decks at the same time, and the dilithium reserve was almost zero. He had to spend four hours in engineering with Mr. Scott to try to make an alternative plan for fuel usage.

With one hour to go before gamma shift began, he could finally go back to sickbay. He messaged Anita to ask if she could bring him something to eat, realizing that he had forgotten dinner.

The sickbay was lit with low-level lighting. And nurse Chapel were moving around doing her rounds, checking all equipment and instruments. She nodded to Pike as he sat down next to Captain Kirk. He had been placed on his side by one of the nurses.

The panel above him was showing his heartbeat, moving steadily. Pike pulled himself up on the bio-bed next to Kirk, so he faced him. Then he moved a hand to rest on top of Kirk’s.

Chapel stopped. For a moment Pike feared that she would ask him to leave. But she just said in a low voice. ‘Should I get you a blanket, sir?’ ‘Yes, nurse, thank you.’ He kicked off his boots and pulled the blanket over.

* * *

Pike hadn’t slept in his own quarter for a week, when they reached the rendezvous point four hours ahead of schedule.

‘This is Commodore Pike of the USS Enterprise, acknowledging the USS Kelvin.’ The Kelvin too had been on a deep space tour and was probably even worse for wear than the Enterprise.

‘Chris, I thought you were dead, you old bastard.’ Both Spock’s brows were activated.

‘Tim, good to hear you voice,’ Pike responded. ‘Nah, the rumors were exaggerated as always.’

‘Well, fuck me, you never knew. Where is Kirk, that old bugger? I thought he was Captain of the Enterprise.’

Pike sobered. ‘He is injured. He will hopefully be back on the bridge soon.’ They left it at that.

Pike and Spock went to have dinner with Captain Timothy Decker for the evening. Normally he would have asked Doctor McCoy to be invited as well, but he wanted someone to stay behind with Jim. Somehow it felt wrong that the Captain should be alone in the infirmary, while they all went in his stead.

‘Well, you've gotten fat.’

Pike didn’t want to explain. He just said, ‘yeah.’ And hoped that Decker wouldn’t comment any further. He was not in the mood to discuss private issues with Timothy Decker, the most annoying person in the quadrant.

Decker was on the brink of continuing, then Spock saved him.

‘Captain, I hear that you have fitted the Kelvin with a new impulse drive, I am curious to hear if it has improved stability?’ Decker, who wanted to tease someone, had to think a moment. Pike was mouthing ‘thank you’ to Spock at the same time.

‘No, that damn experimental stuff. Of course, they don’t ask anyone who actually have to be on those things. Every time the damn thing is activated, the whole ship is shaking like an Orion whore.’

Pike just wanted to go home and sleep.

* * *

‘How was dinner?’ McCoy asked when Pike returned to sickbay.

‘That bad?’ Pike put a 2l bottle of Romulan ale on McCoy’s desk without a word.

‘Isn’t that illegal?’ McCoy asked.

‘Yeah, don’t tell anyone. With compliments from Timothy Decker.’ Pike went without another word into his bed next to Kirk while McCoy checked out the bottle. Pike just hoped that McCoy wouldn’t drink it in one go.

‘Is there any change while I was away?’ Pike asked hopefully. McCoy shook his head. ‘No, but is reacting to the regeneration treatment for his kidney function.’ At least small mercies were better than none.

‘I am going to bed,’ McCoy said. Taking a long look at Pike on the bio-bed.

‘I know you are not going to listen, but you should too. You are not helping anyone, least of all Jim, by doing this to yourself.’ Pike didn’t answer, just completely focused on the lifeless form in the other bed.

McCoy gave up with a sigh and left.

Truth be told, Pike knew he wouldn’t get any sleep in his own bed. And he didn’t want Kirk to be alone. If there was the slimmest chance that Jim would have some feelings of his surroundings.

Pike had known how that felt. Locked in, alone, and no one to hear you. The way he had felt in the weeks, even months after his accident.

That was the real reason why he had eventually allowed Spock to take him to Talos, because he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Somehow the same thing happening to Kirk was unbearable.

* * *

Pike helped nurse Chapel in changing Kirk’s bedding and changing the drop. He needed to get back and shower before alpha shift. But it felt good helping with these small things.

Kirk’s vitals had improved the last week. The therapy was working, and he had moved further and further from danger. McCoy had held him sedated so far.

‘Doctor McCoy said that he considers stopping with the sedatives today,’ Chapel said while putting a fresh thermal blanket over Kirk.

Pike nodded, lump in throat.

‘Let me know if he decides to do that.’

Chapel nodded, ‘yes, sir.’

Pike took his uniform jacket off and hurried. He had to be fast if he wanted to shower and shave and still be on time for alpha shift.

He hoped, as he had hoped every day for the past three weeks, that today Kirk would wake up. The prospect however made him also worry. He had imagined these last weeks they were a unit, a family. But despite Kirk’s drunken love declaration weeks previously, their relationship was rocky at best.

Kirk might have thought he wanted him. But Pike was certain that that wasn’t true. How could it?

They were too much competitors and Kirk appeared often to dislike him. Pike had acted as a friend and Kirk had mistaken it for being in love. But now, Pike had put too much of himself into this. He had lived and breathed with every single change in Kirk’s health and person.

He had allowed himself to love the other man. A foolish act that would end in either horrible heartbreak or Kirk simply waking up and breaking the dream.

He felt horrible for having that feeling. And he felt like he had done something really bad by seeing to his own personal need in being with Kirk every single night. Now that Kirk would wake up, it was suddenly painfully clear that it violated something.

That he had actually slept there and held Kirk’s hand without Kirk’s explicit permission.

* * *

Mid-morning Pike received a message from Doctor McCoy that they would attempt to wake Captain Kirk. Pike wanted desperately to be there. But a fuel pack on the impulse deck had ruptured, and he was forced to send a message that he would try to drop by later.

It was mid evening, before they had sorted the leakage and the cause out. And he finally could return to sickbay.

* * *

Even though it wasn’t gamma shift, the light in sickbay was toned down. Doctor McCoy was taking readings from a portable medical tricoder.

Pike closed his eyes in relief. Kirk appeared to be moving his head slightly to get a look of what McCoy was doing. Some equipment had been removed. And it even looked like he wasn’t hooked up to the CPAP machine anymore either.

Doctor McCoy didn’t look too stressed out, so Pike went over to him. ‘How is he?’ ‘Awake, confused. He woke up less than ten minutes ago.’ McCoy checked a few things on the scanner.

‘Chris?’ Kirk asked hoarsely.

‘His eyesight might be impaired due to light sensitivity for the couple of hours.’ Pike nodded and moved closer to the bed.

‘I... are you…?’

‘The miners, are they safe?’ Kirk asked. Pike considered for a moment what Kirk were talking about. It felt like the mission where Jim had been injured was a lifetime ago.

‘They are okay, Jim, you... you were injured,’ Pike explained. He sat down on Kirk’s bed. He was tempted to touch Kirk’s hand as he had done all those sleepless nights next to him. But it was different with Kirk awake.

‘I will let you sleep,’ Pike said calmly. And looked towards Doctor McCoy. ‘Keep me posted, doctor.’

McCoy nodded in acknowledgment.

* * *

It was the first time in weeks, Pike slept in his own bed. It didn’t feel right. It felt lonely and silent without the noises of the medical equipment. He kept turning in the deafening silence of his quarters.

Even the baby was quiet. Normally, the tap from behind his skin felt like an intrusion. It was something he would ignore. It felt alien to him. But now he wanted that soft feeling of movement more than anything. Just so he wasn’t so damn lonely.

Pike put a hand on his lower stomach. Hoping for something, but the baby had decided to go stealth tonight. He stared at the ceiling, wondering if Jim was thinking about him, just a little.

* * *

When Pike went into sickbay the next morning before alpha shift, he was met by a large commotion, involving several medical technicians, two nurses, and a very annoyed doctor.

‘Stay down, Jim, damn it.’ He could hear Doctor McCoy yell.

‘No, I am fine Bones.’ Kirk was sitting upright in bed, trying to escape. ‘You should do as Doctor McCoy tells you to,’ Pike said, walking up to Kirk.

‘I am going to my post,’ Kirk said. Pike looked worried to Doctor McCoy; Kirk had just come out of a three week long coma. It would be hazardous for Kirk to even contemplating to work.

‘You need to rest, Jim,’ Pike said. ‘We have everything under control.’

‘Who? Spock?’

Pike was uncertain whether he should say that Spock had chosen not to be in command.

‘No, Jim, I have taken temporary command of the Enterprise.’ That had not been the right thing to say, clearly, because Kirk flew up agitated.

‘You have what?’

‘I am sorry, Jim...’

Kirk interrupted him. ‘No, you are not, this is what you were planning all along, wasn’t it?’ Kirk asked accusingly. ‘The smallest minor injury or misstep, you just take over? No, I don’t think you are sorry at all,’ Kirk said in a flat voice.

Pike wanted to protest, but despite the emotionless tone, Kirk’s vitals were getting to dangerous levels. He could not risk agitating him further.

‘Shh, we should not discuss this now.’ The time was approaching 0700, he also needed to leave for his shift.

* * *

Kirk felt fine, so why was no-one telling him anything. It was making him really frustrated. It was part of the reason he was so happy when Spock turned up.

‘Captain, it is good to see you awake,’ Spock said.

If Kirk didn’t know any better, he would say that Spock sounded relieved.

‘Spock, Spock, you have to get me out of here. No one wants to tell me anything.’ He looked accusingly at nurse Chapel, who rolled her eyes.

Spock composed himself. ‘I am pleased that you are better, but I think maybe that...’ Kirk was getting desperate. He had been gone for a moment and now everyone was freaking out, and Pike had decided to just take over the ship.

Of course, he had wanted Chris to stay on the Enterprise, but Kirk was supposed to be there too. And Pike had made it very clear the night before that he had absolutely no interest in him. Now he had no ship and Pike couldn’t care less about him.

‘Commodore Pike seemed to think you were being a nuisance to the staff, and I agree with him, Jim.’ Spock looked at Chapel. ‘Thank you, nurse, I’ll take it from here.’

‘I am being a nuisance? How could you allow Pike to just take over the ship, Spock?’ Spock sighed.

‘Captain, it was me who asked him to take over command of the ship.’ Kirk had never felt this betrayed in his life.

‘While I too am anxious for you to return to duty. I do believe that you have been severely injured and that it would be unwise to return to duty before Doctor McCoy has cleared you,’ Spock said, putting the book he had had under one arm on the table. ‘_One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich_’ it read.

‘With compliments from Commodore Pike, he thought you needed something to read.’

Not that Kirk minded the book itself, but was this a mock from Pike? He knew Kirk couldn’t leave sickbay. Damn him.

And, where Pike had obtained a physical copy of that book was somewhat of a mystery. But Kirk was unsure if it was a joke on him or a genuine nice gesture. He had read it once in college, and while depressing, it actually fitted well with his usual reading taste. But that was probably just a coincidence.

Kirk accepted the present, a little hesitantly, he said. ‘Please thank the commodore from me.’

‘He said you might enjoy it, as I have not read it myself, I do not know if he would be correct in his assessment,’ Spock said. Kirk shrugged. Damn Pike, for taking over his ship and being super nice about it.

‘Where did he get it from, anyway?’ Kirk asked in resignation. As far as he knew Pike had no belongings at all.

‘He obtained it from the Kelvin two weeks ago, I believe that book was swapped for samples of the meat eating flowers from lab E.’ It took a moment for Kirk to compose himself.

‘We are not due to rendezvous with the Kelvin yet.’

Spock sighed. ‘I believe disorientation of time is a common side effect of induced coma. Our rendezvous with the Kelvin happened according to schedule 15 days and two hours ago.’

Kirk suddenly felt faint again. He had been out cold for three weeks.

‘I see, thank you Spock,’ he said. He needed time to process this.

* * *

And of course, Kirk liked the book, in a depressing sort of way. He had hope that Pike would turn up. Kirk realized that he had been a little harsh on Chris the day before. Hadn’t he wanted Chris to stay? And he could see the logic in Spock resigning command to Pike. But sometimes logic just didn’t do it.

Kirk had his eyes transfixed on the door every time someone entered. Usually, it was just Doctor McCoy, who had other things to do on the ship.

‘Good, I guess you found something to do,’ McCoy commented at one point he passed by to check his monitor. ‘Other than being unpleasant to Commodore Pike?’ the doctor added.

When did Bones become a fan of Pike’s? Kirk thought that maybe he had been hit harder than first anticipated.

‘He is not even coming down here,’ Kirk complained. McCoy made eyes at him.

‘Well, he sure the hell wasn’t easy to get out of here, when you were unconscious.’

Kirk had no idea what Bones were talking about. He hadn’t seen Pike since the day he woke up, and that was three days previous. And as McCoy had explicitly forbidden him of leaving, he had no way of finding the other man himself.

Spock at least came by regularly. Even Scotty had popped by twice.

It was the end of day four, and Kirk was getting more than ready to get out. The most entertainment he had had, was when an operation officer had broken his arm, and McCoy had to reset it manually.

* * *

Kirk had fallen asleep; he woke by hushed voices in the other end of sickbay. Judging by the lighting, gamma shift had already begun.

‘Could you check her? I know I am being paranoid, but she hasn’t been moving all day again.’ He could hear Pike say in a very low voice. Kirk had no idea who Pike was discussing, or what it was about. He pretended to be sleeping.

McCoy answered. ‘Sure, sure, no it’s good that you are conscientious of it. Sit down.’ Kirk noticed the low frequency humming from McCoy’s medical tricorder.

‘No, she is fine, she is just kicking the other way. See here. You just need to get a good night’s sleep.’ They were discussing the baby, Kirk realized.

Kirk couldn’t hear Pike’s reply to that.

Kirk in his sleepy haze, and with the fear of getting caught listening, accidentally moved and flew an arm to the bedside table and knocked his glass of water over.

Both Pike and McCoy got up and looked at his direction. He couldn’t very well pretend to be asleep now.

‘I am sorry we woke you, Jim,’ McCoy said.

‘Just go back to sleep.’ Kirk sat completely up and studied Pike for a moment. He could just as well take advance of Pike finally coming down to sickbay. He looked like a deer caught in a beam of light.

‘Chris, are you okay?’ He asked. By the looks of it, Kirk would guess that the correct answer to that question was ‘no.’

‘Yeah.’ Pike said.

‘Are you…’ Pike started, ‘…are you feeling better?’

McCoy looked towards Kirk and then Pike.

‘I am going to bed, you two can catch up. Jim, Chapel is on duty next door if you need anything.’ McCoy had that, I am going to sedate you in a minute, look when he said to Pike.

‘And you are going to go sleep.’

When the door had closed behind McCoy, Pike moved slowly towards Kirk. He looked uncertain what to say or do.

He settled on putting the empty glass on the table again, next to Kirk. Kirk knew he should say something, but he didn’t know exactly what. Pike sat down on the bio-bed next to Kirk’s.

‘So, it is a girl?’ Kirk asked, studying Chris’s stomach for a moment.

‘Yes, it is,’ he said looking into his hands as if he was feeling immensely guilty of something.

‘Thanks for the book,’ Kirk said and pointed towards the now twice read book on the side table. ‘I hear you got it from the Kelvin.’

Pike looked up. ‘Yeah, we also got some other entertainment material, but most of it was too lucid for sickbay.’ Kirk made a knowing smile. Having a pretty good idea of what that would be.

‘They busted an Orion slave-ring apparently, I think Decker’s wife found the stuff, because he was anxious on getting rid of it,’ Pike explained, making Kirk chuckle.

‘I couldn’t imagine,’ Kirk said. Pike sobered a little. ‘I hear that McCoy is letting you back on duty in a couple of days. We have some handover business for the ship.’

Kirk had to think a little. Was Pike saying what he thought. Was Pike going to hand over the ship to him again?

‘Yes, that is fine. Are...?’ He forgot what his question was. Pike tried helping him along. ‘I am hope that I can tack along until we get back to Earth.’

Kirk was suddenly alarmed.

‘So, you are still leaving Starfleet?’ Kirk asked.

Pike nodded. ‘Yes, Jim, that hasn’t changed.’

Kirk’s heart dropped; he had hoped that Pike had changed his mind by now. But of course, why should Pike stay? Now he was also giving up the Enterprise again. Would he have any reason to stay?

‘I’ll come by tomorrow, Jim,’ Pike whispered. ‘Goodnight.’

‘Goodnight,’ Kirk said dumbly. Of course, Pike would have to go to bed, why had Kirk hoped that the other man would stay with him in sickbay. That would be completely stupid.

* * *

‘No, I don’t care, Bones,’ Kirk insisted. ‘I am going to rest in my own bed now.’ Kirk held up his right index finger to indicate that Bones shouldn’t try to come up with any excuse.

‘Fine, fine. But no working, if I hear the smallest pip that you have been running around on the bridge, I am going to sedate you, and have you chained back here.’

Kirk left quickly before McCoy would change his mind.

He would get better rest in his own bed, in silence. And maybe even get a bath, with water.

* * *

This room was not disturbed. The fresh water felt good. He had only taken on pants and a towel over his shoulders. He answered the door in bare upper body, with just the towel over his shoulders.

‘Chris?’ He asked in surprise at Commodore Pike in uniform, looking way more formal than Kirk.

For a moment it looked like Pike had forgotten what he came there to say. Kirk let him in. He had never wanted anyone more at that moment. He didn’t say anything, as the door closed.

Pike looked uncertain as what would happen now. He was tripping, looking Kirk straight in his eyes. Kirk could feel a lump in his throat.

It was now or never. Chris had finally come to him. He took a step into the man’s personal space, when Chris didn’t back away, Kirk took it as a clue to continue.

He opened closed the gap completely and moved his arms around him. He could feel Chris bury his face in his neck.

For a moment Kirk didn’t understand why the other man was shaking, before he realized that he was crying.

He let a hand through the other man’s hair. He stroked it gently.

‘I thought that you were going to die,’ Chris whispered. Kirk held him out to and studied him for a moment.

‘I am right here,’ Kirk said and kissed him on the mouth, first it was very careful, then as the other man appeared to open his mouth and let him in, he moved his body in a let a hand. Glide down Pike’s neck to the back.

Pike touched him on the arm, letting Kirk lead. He moved them to the bedroom and unzipping Pike’s uniform jacket.

Completely compliant, Pike just followed him, kissing him back, and letting Kirk throw the jacket on the floor. He let Kirk peel off one layer after the other.

Pike suddenly stopped. Getting free from Kirk’s mouth.

‘Doctor McCoy explicitly forbade me from having sex with you. Just to make things clear, can we take it easy tonight?’ He asked.

Damn, Bones, Kirk thought. There was a thing about being too direct.

But petting was better than anything. ‘Bones said that?’ ‘Not in so many words,’ Pike said.

Kirk kissed the other man again. ‘Okay, petting only.’ He moved to the Pike’s underwear. And trousers, deciding that they should probably keep it lightly clothed, he moved them both towards the bed.

Kirk lastly peeled off the other’s uniform pants carefully loosened his pants and sat down on the bed. ‘Could I sleep here?’ He then asked in a small voice. He meant in Kirk’s bed. Kirk guided him under the covers into his arms. He kissed Pike on the forehead. And feeling him relax. His breathing getting more relaxed.

Pike fell surprisingly fast asleep, he nuzzled up to seek out Kirk’s body-heat, and allowed Kirk to hold him tight.

He had considered asking whether he could touch his belly. But it appeared to a sensitive subject. And he didn’t want to break the spell. He buried his nose in Pike’s hair. Feeling slightly creepy as he inhaled the smell of newly washed hair, and whatever Pike had put in it to make it look the way it did.

At some point he too surrendered to sleep.

* * *

Pike looked years younger when he slept. He was on his back, breathing heavily. Looking relaxed and calm. He was wearing his black undershirt and had kicked the blanket off.

He made a disgruntled sound when Kirk slipped out of bed and continued to roll to the side. But else just appeared to sleep on. Kirk put the covers over him again. He couldn’t help himself; he kissed the other man on the forehead.

Kirk quickly disabled the alarm; which Pike had set and wrote a message to Spock.

‘Commodore Pike is unwell and sleeping. Could you take care of alpha shift? Call me if there is something urgent.’

Kirk received a reply a little too fast, with the message ‘Understood, I will take care of it.’

Come to think of it, better send a message to McCoy too.

‘Pike is sleeping in my quarters. I don’t want to wake him, could you report him sick?’ He wrote. It took until 0700 for McCoy to answer.

‘And now I don’t even need to see my patients? But fine, call me if any of you require a medic. Don’t do anything stupid.’

Kirk also wrote to Rand asking if she could get their breakfast.

* * *

Pike woke around 8.30. He looked confused and his hair was uncharacteristically ruffled. ‘What time is it?’ Pike asked in alarm, not waiting for an answer, he eyed the clock, ‘Okay, I need to go.’

‘Relax, I reported you sick.’ Kirk said. Pike looked confused.

‘But I am not sick?’ Kirk rolled his eyes. ‘Have you never played hooky from anything in your life?’ Pike looked serious.

‘Plenty, but not when being in command.’ God, the man was probably the most duty dedicated person who ever set foot in Starfleet.

‘Well, from what I have seen, you are going to kill yourself or our baby with what you are doing right now,’ Kirk said. Pike grew silent. He clearly didn’t have a retort to that.

‘Spock is a competent officer, and he’ll call you, if he needs you.’

Pike seemed to relax a little, he got up. ‘Don’t worry, I am not leaving, I’ll be back,’ he said.

Kirk moved back to bed and made a warm embrace when Pike returned.

* * *

Pike woke up again at noon, Kirk had also fallen asleep half on top of him. With a hand resting on his chest. He couldn’t shake that this already was getting out of hand. This was not leading to any happy ending. Kirk stirred and looked him in the eyes.

‘She is pretty active,’ Kirk commented at the baby visible making a bulge on Pike’s lower belly. This was getting too much, Pike realized. Pike flushed red with embarrassment that the other man were studying his unshapely torso like that.

He had gone to Kirk’s quarters last night, to do what? He scolded himself, because he was sad, lonely, afraid, scared? And now he was skipping his duties midday with Kirk playing the happy boyfriend?

Was he really this pathetic that he needed to prey even more on Kirk than he already had done?

‘Listen Jim, this...’ he carefully got up, moving away from Kirk’s hand. Kirk had gotten up on all four.

‘Chris, stop,’ Kirk said, full of confidence.

‘You are not going there again.’ He kissed Pike on the mouth, but Pike drew back.

‘We can’t do this. I am not...’ Kirk looked disapprovingly at him.

‘You think you don’t deserve to be loved?’ Pike looked at him in surprise. No, he really didn’t deserve love. For all his faults and failings. He didn’t have to reply for Kirk to see he was correct.

‘Chris, everybody deserves love,’ Kirk said and forcefully sat Pike down on the bed again.

‘Now stay there. We are eating breakfast in bed.’ Pike wanted to run, but it also felt good that someone else was taking control for once.

Kirk leaned into him, and put a hand on the uncomfortable bulge on his belly, where the baby kept kicking. Still feeling an overwhelming panicked feeling, he tried to allow for Jim access to the child for the first time.

Kirk gave him an innocent smile again as the baby kicked. It was still too intimate, but he couldn’t help feeling a little of the joy radiating from the other man, when he could connect to the child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	6. The one that got away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (one of) Kirk's ex-girlfriends turns up. And Kirk has to choose who to shag.

‘Captain Kirk will return to duty tomorrow,’ Pike said to the bridge crew as he sat down on the chair.

The captain had been gone for five weeks.

Kirk had been briefed on most ongoing matters, and they had made an amiable plan for the transfer of command back to him.

It was as long as the fifteen years Pike had been Captain of the Enterprise.

It was also the time to face up to his crime. Truth be told, it was a relief. Pike could look forward now. Even though that for the first time since Talos, he was at a loss at what to do and where to go.

* * *

‘Doctor, please,’ Pike said out of breath. He hadn’t even done any physical activity.

Doctor McCoy placed him in a chair. He poured a glass of whiskey for himself. ‘I would offer you some...’ the doctor made a hand-movement towards Pike’s belly. ‘...but...’

This was also not the time to drink. His throat went dry.

‘So, I guess this is about if Jim is fit for duty or not?’ The doctor asked.

Pike was confused for a moment. ‘What? no,’ he said. His palms were sweating, and his uniform tightened around his chest and stomach.

It was about whether _he_ was fit for duty or not.

‘When we were on Talos,’ he began slowly.

‘I did something unforgivable.’ Pike tried again. McCoy leaned forward, surprised.

‘Really?’ McCoy asked, not convinced that he needed to take this seriously.

‘Why are you telling me?’ McCoy asked, drinking a big gulp. ‘Have you talked to Jim about it?’ He asked. No, he hadn’t and he couldn’t, that was the whole problem.

‘I... I can't,’ Pike said unhappily. ‘It was him that was the victim,’ Pike explained.

‘I see...’ McCoy leaned back, still not looking like this was serious as all. Pike tried breathing. Doing the right thing shouldn’t be that tough. But of course it was.

‘And what was the nature of your transgression?’ McCoy asked, now leaning forward a bit curious.

Pike felt physically ill. He wanted to throw up.

‘Sexual, you need to start a sexual misconduct investigation into...’ 

‘Was it while he was unconscious?’ McCoy interrupted, now somewhat alarmed.

‘What? No...’

‘He didn’t have any traces of penetration when I got him to sickbay?’ The doctor asked. Pike flushed red.

‘No, I believe he penetrated me.’ This conversation was as bad as he had imagined it.

‘Believe?’ ‘No, he definitely penetrated me.’

McCoy took a gulp more of his drink. ‘He penetrated you?’ McCoy asked slowly. ‘With what?’ 

‘With his...’ Pike stopped, ‘Shouldn’t you record this?’ McCoy took a big gulp of his drink, and got up, worry filled his face. Studying Pike for a moment. 

His hands were getting cold, and he was feeling nauseous.

‘They were going to kill the away team, or worse... And I...’ Pike stopped. He was shaking, ‘They made me look like a woman.’ Tears were running over his cheeks. This was all wrong. He was the one that had done something wrong. Why was he trying to justify it?

‘That is the only reason why Captain Kirk didn’t resist,’ he said.

‘If he had known who I was...’ Pike said, now almost hyperventilating. Pressing a palm to the top of his stomach, where his breathing was getting hard.

‘He wouldn’t have,’ the doctor concluded, ‘but not for the reasons you think,’ McCoy sighed. ‘Do you want me to start an investigation into Captain Kirk? Probably, it won’t be possible for Starfleet to hold the Talosians responsible. How horrible as that is.’

Pike had no idea what the doctor was talking about.

‘No, Jim hasn’t done anything wrong, it was me that...’

McCoy exhaled.

‘Tell me, if you had the choice would you have selected to get female genitalia?’

He didn’t know why they were discussing that; he held back tears as he struggled to formulate a reply.

‘No, I guessed as much.’ McCoy stood up. ‘You need to think whether you want an investigation into the captain, I will support it, no matter what,’ he said.

‘But... I was the one that...’

‘No, you weren’t. It sounds like he was doing it voluntarily and you were being forced.’

The doctor sighed and studied Pike for a moment.

‘I know that sexual assault can take many forms, but I believe you were both being manipulated into it.’

‘I love him,’ Pike then suddenly said. McCoy sighed. ‘Okay,’ tentatively.

‘You don’t understand, I enjoyed it.’ Pike elaborated. ‘You need to launch a sexual misconduct investigation into me, doctor.’ 

After Vina had died, his stay at Talos had not been pleasant. The smallest bit of comfort, which Captain Kirk had given him, had been like bread to a starving man.

McCoy sighed. ‘If I start a sexual misconduct investigation into you, you will be confined to the brig until after the investigation has been concluded, whenever that may be.’ He knew this, of course. He looked down on his belly.

‘I know.’

McCoy held his hands up in resignation. ‘Fine,’ he typed a couple of things into his PADD again, and turned on the comm at the conference table. 

‘Security to sickbay.’

Pike stared down on the table, feeling completely miserable. Leaning over the table. Suddenly not able to hold it in before he forcefully vomited on the floor in front of him.

His stomach contracted in a cramp, as Doctor McCoy caught him, just as the security officers turned up.

‘I have it under control,’ the doctor said. Waving the two security officers out again. Hesitating before leaving. Pike closed his eyes and leaned forward. 

The doctor sighed and pulled him backwards into the chair. Contemplating something, when he finally said, ‘I do not know what we are going to do about it. I don’t know what happened to you on Talos, But Jim doesn’t think you sexually assaulted him.’

Pike didn’t know how to respond.

‘Chris,’ the doctor said. ‘Someone has done something wrong here, but it is not you. Go back to your quarters and sleep.’

Drowning the last part of his whiskey.

* * *

‘Are you all right, sir?’ Pike had been leaning against the wall, absorbed in his own self-pity. ‘Yes, I am fine, Ms. Rand.’

She didn’t look too convinced before moving on.

He needed to get to his own quarter, to think. He had relinquished the command codes hours previously. It had been easier than he remembered that it should be. The emptiness that followed was suffocating.

He couldn’t show weakness here, not with everyone looking. Once inside his private space the door whooshing closed, he sank down in the corner. Tears running down his face. His whole life, he had been in Starfleet and as more than everything thus command would be his last. Five weeks that wasn’t even his to be the captain of the Enterprise.

Now he has what? Fat, retired and or at least soon to be. Yes, Kirk had indicated he wanted a relationship. Kirk who preferred young half naked aliens or young ambitious officers with their life in front of them.

It was not right. He had emotionally manipulated Kirk into a relationship. And for what, so that his child could have a father, so he may feel a bit of that shining light that was James Kirk. To regain a piece of himself that he had lost years ago.

He needed to throw up again. With some effort he got up and ran to the bathroom and emptied the remaining content of his stomach into the toilet.

It would have been easier, had he just transferred to the Kelvin, then he wouldn’t have to endure this pain for the return trip to Earth.

Nobody would miss him for the next couple of hours, he realized. Damn Starfleet, and damn Starfleet regulations. In protest, Pike went into the shower and turned it on.

And damn Doctor McCoy for not wanting to do anything.

Pike again slid down and sat against the wall. Uniform and all. It didn’t help. He was just getting soaked. Pike knew that what he was doing was childish. But he couldn’t help himself. Somehow it felt like an act of rebellion. Getting himself soaked in full uniform.

Just letting the water run down his face, onto the floor, into the drain. He leaned his head back. Feeling relief that he was alone in his own self-misery.

Everybody onboard celebrating the return of their captain. Everything was at it should be, not a relic from another time, sitting alone on the floor of his shower. Getting wet and using ship resources on nothing.

* * *

He didn’t realize that someone else had entered the bathroom before the water was turned off. Someone sat next to him. ‘Chris, Chris.’ He could hear Captain Kirk saying very far away.

He shot awake. Realizing that Kirk must have used his override codes to enter his quarters, and that he had fallen asleep in the bath.

This was probably one of the most embarrassing things he had been caught doing. Not counting a few mishaps at the academy. However, this was embarrassing to a whole new level.

‘Oh, thank God, I thought you were dead,’ Kirk said, Pike didn’t know what to say. Ashamed that Kirk should see him like that.

Pike wanted to ask Kirk to leave. But he knew he couldn’t. He just sat there watching Kirk unzipping his uniform jacket.

‘You are getting yourself wet,’ Pike said, like that was the biggest problem. He was sitting in the corner, his hands limp on the shower floor. Kirk looked at him for a moment, then gave him a half-cocked smile.

‘Damn it Chris, come here.’ He peeled the wet jacket off and pressed Pike into a hug.

Holding him tight for a moment, making comforting strokes on his back.

Kirk finally pulled himself out and extended a hand to help the other man up. Pike took it reluctantly. Kirk placed him on the toilet seat and went to take out a towel and handed it to Pike.

‘Now get out of that wet clothes, Spock have something he wanted to show both of us in the astrophysics lab.’ Pike’s brain stopped doing what it was doing in self wailing, and went into service mode. Duty, service, honor.

Kirk had found clean and dry underwear, and a new uniform for him, when he got out from the bathroom.

‘Lucky you have two pairs of boots issued; those are completely ruined,’ Kirk said and pointed at the boots Pike had not bothered taking off in the shower.

He knew had Kirk had seen him half naked, however feeling body conscious. He turned around such that Kirk would get the least view of his belly. He knew a lot of it was anionic fluid and baby, but it still felt uncomfortable when someone looked at it. It felt like something he should be ashamed of. He was usually pretty well-trained, and proud of looking presentable. He now was neither.

Kirk appeared to understand because he also had turned the other way. Even though that Kirk seemed interested in him, Pike still knew that he wasn’t exactly the type that Kirk would normally have been turned on by.

Before leaving, Kirk looked him in the eyes. ‘We are going to have a serious conversation about this after the shift. Understood?’ He said in his authoritative voice. Pike couldn’t do anything but nod.

Then Kirk gave him a light kiss on the lips. Giving him a half-crooked smile before they left.

* * *

‘Is everything alright, sir?’ Spock asked suspiciously and studied Pike’s wet hair for a moment. Kirk shrugged, ‘Water-leakage.’ Kirk said, as if that wasn’t going to raise more questions.

Pike shot Spock a look that hopefully said: ‘Don’t ask.’

‘What do we got, Spock?’ Kirk asked looking at the data output. Pike was glad he was not the only one was at a loss at what he was looking at.

‘It is a gravimetric distortion,’ Spock explained.

‘In the space-time continuum.’ ‘In normal words, Spock?’ Kirk asked.

‘Time travelers.’ Spock explained; Pike also recognized the reading now.

‘Is that them?’ Pike asked, hoping that Spock understand what he was asking.

‘No, they are not supposed to be neither here nor in this time period.’

Kirk looked understandably confused.

‘She could have made a mistake,’ Pike insisted. Crazier things could happen.

‘Sir, as much as I would like it to be them, I assure you, she does not make that type of mistake.’

They were talking about Michael. ‘She was under a lot of stress,’ Pike reasoned.

Kirk was getting annoyed that he had no clue what they were discussing.

‘Tell me, Spock, who don’t you think it is?’ Kirk finally asked.

‘Captain, it would not be logical discussing who it isn’t.’

The statement clearly annoyed Captain Kirk.

‘Okay, what do you think it is then?’

Spock looked serious.

‘That is why I have called you here alone. While I do not know, I know that time travelers have the power of changing the future and possible the past, and therefore we should proceed with extreme caution.’

Pike nodded, even if it was not the Discovery, it might be something equally dangerous. ‘Have you alerted temporal investigations?’ Pike asked.

‘No, I assumed that such a drastic measure should only be taken when we know more about what we are dealing with.’

Pike nodded.

‘From my calculations, we will know in approximately 15 minutes and 22 seconds.’

‘You couldn’t give it more precise?’ Pike asked sarcastically.

‘Give or take a few seconds depending on the mass of the object, and the relative speed,’ Spock said, pointing at the change in the readings.

* * *

Kirk and Spock had gone back to the bridge, while Pike had stayed in the astrophysics lab.

Exactly 15 minutes and 22 seconds later, a red cloud appeared at the point of the sensor readings. In the middle was a dark black space. Something in the middle came to light. Before the cloud disappeared around it, leaving it.

‘It appears to be a small ship,’ Spock said. ‘Federation insignia.’

Kirk leaned back in the chair. Staring at the small black ship that appeared out of nowhere.

‘It appears to one life sign on board, captain,’ Spock said, looking up from the scanner. It didn’t look like any ship Kirk had seen before, it was small and black.

‘They are hailing us.’ Kirk looked surprised at Uhura. ‘On screen.’ Kirk ordered, he expected something different from the beautiful woman that appeared on the screen. She was wearing a black uniform. One he had only heard about.

‘Jim,’ the pilot said as she saw him on the visual. Kirk stood up. Even with her different wear, he would recognize her.

‘Ruth?’ He could feel pleasant surprise and relief.

‘I have been driven of course, would it possible to conduct repairs in your shuttle deck?’ Ruth asked. Kirk could feel her radiant person. Oh, he had dreamt about her so many nights. Imagine that she would show up on his doorstep.

‘Ms. Cartwright, the Enterprise is at your service,’ he said pleasantly.

* * *

‘Captain,’ Spock tried on their way to the shuttle-deck to greet their guest.

‘As it would appear that you are previously aquatinted with this woman, could you possible enlighten as to her identity?’

Oh, Kirk knew her well. Kirk had known no one as sincere as Ruth.

She was the embodiment of pure goodness.

‘Oh, I am intimately acquainted with her,’ Kirk said, making Spock raise an eyebrow.

‘I see,’ Spock replied. Kirk didn’t know what Spock’s tone of voice meant. But he definitely was looking forward to seeing Ruth again.

‘Ruth,’ Kirk said as he extended a hand to help Ruth down the stairs of the landing bridge of her ship. He smiled at her warmly.

‘Ms. Cartwright,’ Spock greeted her. ‘This is my first officer: Commander Spock.’ She returned his Vulcan greeting.

She was wearing a very tight black flight-suit. ‘I was so happy when I saw it was the Enterprise. I have been in space for so long.’ She flashed her long eyelashes at Kirk and took his arm.

‘And Jim, I knew you would make Captain. I was so happy when I saw that it was you,’ she said.

Spock looked skeptically at Ruth. ‘From your uniform, and type of ship, am I correct that you are a section 31 officer?’ He asked.

‘Why yes, Mr. Spock, you are very insightful,’ Ruth said.

She moved a little closer to Kirk. ‘A test pilot actually,’ She corrected. Her long blond hair was arranged in a braid.

‘Should I alert Commodore Pike that no danger is presently there?’ Spock asked. Kirk wanted to hear why Ruth was out here in space alone.

‘Yes, Mr. Spock. Tell him that he can relax,’ Kirk said, completely focused on Ruth.

Spock sighed. ‘Yes, Captain.’ And left, presumably to find Pike. Ruth looked after Spock with her charming soft smile.

She had aged accordingly, of course. But it was graceful and suited her. Instead of the softness of a nineteen-year-old girl was a beautiful woman in her thirties that could easily be mistaken for late twenties.

‘Would you like a tour?’ Kirk asked, Ruth smiled again. The smile which Kirk remembered from when they were together.

‘Yes, Jim,’ she said.

‘So, I thought you didn’t approve of Starfleet?’ Kirk tried to make casual conversation. He had tracked her during the first couple of years since they broke up. But he had since lost track of her. He thought she was a commercial pilot only.

‘I didn’t, but I always hoped that our paths would cross again, Jim.’

Kirk felt something in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

‘Commodore Pike, wait.’ Pike turned around at Kirk’s request. He looked a little tired. ‘I would like to introduce you to Chris Pike.’

Ruth smiled pleasantly and extended her hand to Pike. He took it a bit reluctantly.

‘Commodore, this is Ruth Cartwright. The pilot from the test flight.’

Pike had a strained smile. Kirk was worried that Pike might be unwell again.

‘A pleasure,’ Ruth said, a lot more enthusiastically than Pike. ‘I have heard so much about you,’ Ruth said, she leaned a little on Kirk’s arm.

Pike looked questioning from Kirk to Ruth. ‘I didn’t know you were still on active service,’ she continued.

‘Yes, yes, I am,’ Pike trained off, and looked like he was needed somewhere else.

‘Chris, I have invited Ruth for dinner, I hope that you have time.’ Kirk knew that Pike did not have any social activities. Even though he could have sworn that Pike looked like he was trying to come up with an excuse.

‘Excuse, me, I need to talk to Mr. Scott,’ Pike said, ‘Oh, Chris, could you ask him if he could take a look at Ruth’s ship?’ Kirk continued. He knew that Pike had a lot of things to do at the moment, but it was important that they showed the most hospitality to Ruth.

‘Oh, it might be classified. I will probably need to talk to this Mr. Scott first.’ She said. Pike nodded, ‘I’ll tell him you will go talk to him then.’ He said more dryly than Kirk found any reason to.

‘Excuse me,’ Pike said, before he left, looking very busy.

* * *

Doctor McCoy was pouring two glasses of whiskey in the late afternoon. Ruth was having a meeting with the engineering staff to plan the repairs of her ship. Spock had returned to the bridge.

‘Wait, Ruth, the Ruth? Ruth Cartwright, your ex-girlfriend, Ruth?’ Kirk rolled his eyes. McCoy wasn’t usually this daft.

‘Yes, Bones, that is what I am telling you. She stays here until her ship is repaired.’ McCoy put a glass into Kirk’s hands.

‘How did Pike take that?’ McCoy asked worried.

‘Why would Pike have anything to do with that?’ Kirk asked. As far as he had known, Ruth and Pike were not previously acquainted. Bones drank a big slurp of his whiskey.

‘I invited her to have dinner with the senior officers tonight,’ Kirk said. McCoy confiscated Kirk’s glass again before he had a chance to drink anything.

‘Come on Jim, don’t you think he might feel a little strange that your ex-girlfriend comes on board?’ Kirk was not sure he agreed with that. He was not going to engage in a relationship with Ruth again.

Would ‘No’ be the wrong answer?

‘Relax Bones, he’ll be fine. Why did you take my drink?’

‘You already had too many, if you think having dinner with your ex and Commodore Pike at the same time is a good idea.’

Kirk couldn’t see the issue. Ruth was very pleasant, and Pike was a very welcoming person. There couldn’t be any problems.

‘Bones, it will be fun.’

McCoy drank the rest of his glass. Kirk thought he heard McCoy mumble, ‘this will be a disaster.’

* * *

Ruth was wearing a long flowing black dress that complimented her sleek figure. She looked more enchanting than she had even been when they had been together.

Kirk had arranged for them to eat at the observation area. Where they had a pleasant view of Space. It was a white cloth thing. Kirk was escorting Ruth to the venue himself in his dress uniform.

‘It is a very nice view,’ Ruth said, making Kirk smile. He was happy that he had impressed her. It had been his intent. ‘I am glad that you like it.’

They admired the view when Spock and Pike appeared. ‘Captain, Ms. Cartwright,’ Spock greeted. Pike had a strained smile and nodded to them.

‘Ms. Cartwright.’ Spock greeted.

‘I understand that you had a meeting with Mr. Scott to discuss how long time it will take for your experimental space ship to be repaired.’ She had been completely distracted by a joke Kirk had whispered to her. She looked up.

‘Beg your pardon?’ She asked. ‘How long time did Mr. Scott estimate that it will take for you to have your ship repaired.’ Spock repeated. ‘Oh, five weeks,’ She said casually.

She looked at Kirk again. ‘Plenty of time to get reacquainted,’ she said, pleasantly looking at Kirk. Pike coughed like he had gotten something stuck in his throat.

‘The inertial dampers were completely busted after I made that time jump,’ she added. Spock was looking for a moment at Pike to make sure he was okay. McCoy interrupted.

‘I would think you would have issues with temporal investigations on this?’ McCoy asked.

‘No, I have only been approved for the one jump that burned my deflector shield and my inertial dampers. Beside temporal investigations are aware of my flight plan,’ she said.

‘A wise precaution.’ Spock agreed. ‘So, you are under jurisdiction of section 31?’ Spock asked pleasantly. She took on a teasing smile.

‘That, Mr. Spock is classified,’ Ruth said, looking at her over the edge of her glass with a teasing smile. ‘But you solved the temporal structural equations?’ Spock inquired.

‘Yes, we have a pretty good idea how to do that, but it did blow my dampers. So, there might have been a slight calculation mistake.’ She smiled and saluted him with her wineglass.

Ruth turned to McCoy, who had been uncharacteristically quiet. ‘Leonard,’ she said. ‘It is pleasant to see you again. How did Jim persuade you to work for him?’ She asked.

‘Well, Ms. Cartwright, someone got to make sure he is behaving.’

She giggled.

Ruth took Kirk’s arm again. ‘Jim definitely need a chaperone,’ she said, leaning towards McCoy and looking particularly conspiratorial.

‘When he was a first-year cadet, we once snuck into the academy library after closing time…’ She looked towards Pike. ‘I am sorry, Jim, I am not going to tell in front of your superior officer.’ She made eyes again.

Kirk studied Pike for a moment. He looked increasingly sick. ‘Sir, are you unwell?’ He asked Pike, worried. Pike sat strangely on the chair. It looked like he had a pain somewhere in his back or side.

The dress uniforms were very tight and uncomfortable already. Being pregnant in one was probably not very pleasant. And it didn’t help the matter that the one he had gotten looked way too tight.

Kirk suddenly felt bad. He shouldn’t have asked Pike to take part in this dinner. The man had looked really ill in the morning.

Kirk had been pretty scared, and it was weird falling asleep in the shower in full clothes. He could understand that it had been a rough couple of days for Pike. It must have been painful to give up command of the Enterprise again. He knew that had got to be a hard thing to do.

Now, Kirk realized, Pike was forced to listen to him catching up with an old friend in an uncomfortable dress uniform.

‘It is okay, Ms. Cartwright, I have also been a cadet at some point. I am sure Captain Kirk have not done anything is out of the ordinary,’ Pike said, sipping of his water.

Ruth made very knowing eyes. ‘Oh, you wouldn’t know the half of it.’ Ruth said teasingly. ‘I am sure.’ Pike flashed her half a smile with a dimple.

‘Now, excuse me, captain, Ms. Cartwright, commander, doctor,’ Pike said getting up. He looked pained.

‘I’ll let you discuss Captain Kirk’s extra-curriculum activities in the academy in peace.’ Kirk shot him a quick look. Before returning to Ruth, who was beginning the tale to Spock on how she and Captain Kirk met.

McCoy tipsily looked after Pike.

‘Jim, I think I should go too.’ Kirk waved a hand, ‘...and then Jim crawled into my dorm on the fourth floor, and I knew that he...’ Ruth said. Kirk waved his hand towards McCoy.

‘Yeah, yeah, goodnight, Bones,’ he said.

McCoy looked a little insulted, clearly having had his fair share of alcohol for the evening, disappeared out the door.

Spock stayed a little longer. Whether it was out of politeness or curiosity was unclear. Ruth however had a pleasant knowledge of temporal mechanics to have a discussion with Spock that he found stimulating. Which Kirk found to be something as an achievement.

Around midnight, Spock made his excuses as well. Kirk poured more wine for the both of them, grinning happily.

* * *

‘Jim, I won’t keep you from your duties,’ Ruth said. Kirk shock his head. ‘You are not, it was a very pleasant evening, let me follow you to your quarters,’ Kirk said. He held her chair for her as she got up and offered her his arm.

It had been a pleasant evening. It was rare to meet old friends. And Kirk had lost the hope of ever seeing Ruth again.

‘I am happy that it was your ship, Jim, that saved me.’ Ruth said, again holding his arm. ‘Me too, Ruth.’ He followed her to her door.

‘Goodnight, Ruth.’ Kirk said. Holding both her hands and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

‘You know Jim, it has been some very lonely months in space.’ She flashed her eyelashes.

‘I wouldn’t mind some company tonight,’ she said. Kirk sank. Looking at the beautiful creature in front of him. The woman he had been dreaming about for years. His first love, here in the flesh. Suggesting company on a lonely night.

She had never looked more radiant or more beautiful than she did tonight. The trouble was, Kirk realized, this wasn’t who he wanted. Not anymore. There was only one person he wanted.

He held Ruth out in stretched arms. ‘I am sorry,’ he said, hoping that she would understand.

‘That’s all right, Jim.’ She was disappointed, he could see that from her face. She disappeared into her guest quarters, leaving Kirk behind outside the door.

Kirk loosened the collar of his dress uniform. Would it be too late to see how Pike was? Yes, Pike was probably already sleeping. The shift would begin in six hours and as tired as Pike had looked tonight, it would be unfair to wake him just because Kirk wanted to do what? Not be alone?

Kirk quickly decided against going to Pike quarters. They could talk in the morning. Hopefully not fully clothed or fully clothed in the shower.

* * *

Pike curled up in bed. He couldn’t sleep. The day and evening on replay repeatedly. Pathetic, what had he honestly thought? That James Kirk - young, good-looking, attractive - would want an old overweight man in the end of his work-life.

Of course, Kirk’s ex-girlfriends would look like Ruth. Probably the most beautiful woman Pike had ever seen. And in five weeks, Pike was sure Kirk would get ‘reacquainted’ with her. If not already tonight.

She was clearly absolutely interested in Kirk, and by the looks of it, that was mutual. Pike should probably just be grateful that his and Kirk’s relationship hadn’t developed too much before Ruth had shown up.

He rolled to the other side. His back kept hurting, and he had an ache in his hips that wouldn’t go away.

It was also that damn tight dress uniform. It was from the formal dinner with Captain Decker several weeks earlier, and it was painfully clear that he had grown considerably since then.

Like a lot. He would look like a balloon in five weeks. Perfect!

Pike did not see much of Kirk the following days. Firstly, because they were both doing double shifts, and in parts because Pike was avoiding the Captain.

He had received two messages to ask whether he would like to join Ms. Cartwright and Captain Kirk for dinner. No, he would absolutely not.

Pike sighed and typed back that he was busy.

He was not; he was still so guilty. It would be better for Kirk if he could just move on. He needed this to end. He had been putting off the inevitable.

He needed to turn himself in. Even if the doctor didn’t think he had done anything wrong, he had.

He was going to face his punishment. Jim would move on with the love of his life.

And he did not deserve anything. 

* * *

‘Your back hurts?’ Doctor McCoy asked like this was the most incredible statement he had ever heard. ‘Of course, your back hurts, you are 29 weeks pregnant. I’d be more surprised if it didn’t hurt.’

McCoy sighed.

‘So how long has your back been hurting?’ McCoy calmed down, looking like he didn’t have time for this. Well, truth be told, he probably hadn’t. The reason Pike had been working overtime was that there had been some problems with the electrical circuits, and several crew members were off sick with smoke inhalation.

‘I don’t know, periodically for the past 6-7 hours.’ This appeared to get Doctor McCoy’s attention, he repeated slowly, as if couldn’t believe it:

‘You have been having periodically back-pains for 7 hours?’ McCoy asked. ‘Why is this the first I am hearing about it?’

Didn’t he just say that it was completely normal…

McCoy sighed again.

‘On the bed…’ he stopped, ‘Does it hurt right now?’ Doctor McCoy studied Pike for a moment. Yeah, it damn well hurt. To the brink of him not being able to breathe.

‘Nurse!’ McCoy yelled. While Pulling Pike’s zipper in his uniform jacket down in a rather aggressive movement, so he could pull up Pike’s black undershirt.

Normally McCoy would only examine him with the scanner, his was the first time he had actually touched him. McCoy pressed a hand a little hard on the top of his stomach. It hurt there too.

‘Auch, what are you doing?’ McCoy ignored him. ‘Nurse!’ McCoy called again, he was looking at something on the screen next to the scanner.

McCoy didn’t move his hand, and this was getting a little weird. ‘Doctor?’ Pike asked, a little concerned.

‘Keep still, I am checking your contractions,’ McCoy ordered; nurse Chapel finally appeared. ‘Nurse, 2 cc of Oxymobazine.’

Which the nurse prepared efficiently. Doctor McCoy finally let Pike go, felled by a yapping Pike with the hypo spray without any warning.

Contractions of what? Pike’s mind kept wondering.

‘Okay, your readings are getting back to normal, your labor has stopped.’ Most of his back pains had also disappeared. ‘My what?’ Pike asked dumb folded. What had that to do with back pains?

‘God, you really are this dense. You were in labor. Were, if you had been any later, I might not have been able to stop it that easily, then you would be having a baby right now.’ McCoy scolded him, continuing directly to a ‘Thanks, nurse.’ To nurse Chapel.

Chapel looked concerned towards Pike, who was getting up from the bio-bed.

‘And you, you are staying here for the next six hours,’ McCoy said and pushed him back. Pike realized he much have looked a little shocked. 

Because the doctor added in a softer tone.

‘Would you like me to call Jim down here?’ Yes, he would. ‘No, thank you, doctor. That is unnecessary.’

The six hours in sickbay turned out to be mostly Doctor McCoy berating him and making him even more guilty than he already was. With helpful comments like. ‘Have you any idea how small a 29-week baby is?’ And ‘Do you know what plasma smoke inhalation could do to an unborn baby?’

How Doctor McCoy knew that Pike had helped with the plasma fire, he did not know.

* * *

Pike felt bad enough, it hit him around ten minutes after what had actually happened. He had almost given birth, several months too early, and he had not even noticed. He sat up as the Captain entered the sickbay, closely followed by Spock.

‘Bones, do you have any idea why…’ He noticed Pike on one of the bio-beds. ‘What are you doing down here?’ He looked worried. McCoy entered with some samples from the lab. ‘Bones, why is Commodore Pike in sickbay? Tell me you weren’t involved in the fuel leakage, Chris.’

McCoy rolled his eyes. Making Pike very uncomfortable that they had to discuss his health and what he had and had not been involved in.

‘No, your boyfriend…’ He said it with some skepticism. ‘…was in labor, Jim, and he was apparently too distracted by saving stupid ass ensigns unable to service fuel cells in time.’

‘He is not my boyfriend,’ Pike said simultaneously with Kirk saying. ‘He was in labor? Why did no one call me?’ Kirk looked accusingly at the doctor.

McCoy rolled his eyes. Kirk looked at Pike. ‘What do you mean I am not your boyfriend? We are having a child together,’ Kirk said.

‘Captain, I do not believe that that is a prerequisite for…’ Spock helpfully interjected. Kirk turned around and shot him daggers with his eyes.

‘Yes, thank you Spock, I know how it works.’

Pike was considering whether private medical rooms would be introduced to constitution-class starships at some point. Hopefully, within the next five seconds.

‘Do you, Captain? Because it would appear that…’

Pike snuck out of bed.

‘Where do you think you are going?’ Doctor McCoy blocked his quick escape.

‘Somewhere quieter,’ Pike said and pushed past Doctor McCoy. Who didn’t retort.

Kirk appeared to still not be happy with the ‘Not a boyfriend’ comment. But it was the truth. Would Pike like Kirk to be Jim’s boyfriend? Yes, was he? No, definitely not.

He could not imagine that Kirk in reality thought they were together. Perhaps in some sort of chivalrous act. Because they were having a baby.

But it was better that they were open about it. And as much as Pike liked Kirk, he would not share him with Ruth Cartwright, or any other. Therefore, he was definitely not Kirk’s boyfriend.

* * *

Pike went to see how the engineering group fixing the plasma fuel fire was doing. He knew it was stupid, that he should be in his bed. But he didn’t feel like being alone right now. He knew it was just pity talking.

‘Commodore, wait up.’ He looked back towards Ms. Cartwright, running to catch up with him. 

‘Yes, Ms. Cartwright?’ Pike said pleasantly. She had her long blond hair in a different hairstyle today, and she must have had her black flight suit steam cleaned.

Pike kept walking. ‘I have something that I would like your opinion on.’ She said, he looked on her in puzzlement. He was by far not the best, neither engineer nor temporal physicist on board.

He was not even the one who understood Captain Kirk best, so if she wanted relationship advice, he was also the wrong person for that. On multiple levels.

‘Okay, shoot, Ms. Cartwright?’ He said stopped up and looked her annoyed.

‘Captain Kirk has a high opinion on you.’ She continued.

‘I was considering staying on board the Enterprise on its way back to Earth, but he appears that he would prefer me to leave as soon as my ship is repaired.’

Pike couldn’t imagine. ‘I am not sure I follow you, Ms. Cartwright.’

She stopped and flashed her eyelashes at him. ‘He said that I was making you uncomfortable.’ That didn’t sound like Kirk. Pike was more than sure that Kirk would prefer Ms. Cartwright over him, if given the chance.

Pike looked at her surprised, he stopped.

‘What?’ Like he had a hearing impairment.

‘He said, I should leave, because he says that I complicate his relationship with you.’ Pike was silent and then sighed.

‘I guarantee you, Ms. Cartwright, you have done nothing wrong.’ He gave her a strained smile.

‘Then you are in a relationship?’ She asked. Pike didn’t actually know; he had no idea if he was in a relationship with Captain Kirk.

‘I honestly don’t know, Ma’am,’ he said.

She looked a little disappointed.

‘I know what I had with Jim was a long time ago. And at some point, I might have hoped that him and me… well… when he looks at you, I see how he once looked at me.’ She said.

‘I have taken up too much of your time, commodore. I truly hope that you will make Jim happy.’

Leaving a very stunned commodore looking after her. Pike could not believe that. This beautiful gently woman, he could not see that Kirk would choose him over her.

* * *

Pike had fallen asleep reading on the couch, when he heard someone at the door.

‘Jim?’ Pike said surprised, when he opened his door, and saw Kirk standing outside. He let the other man in.

‘Chris, what is wrong with you?’ Kirk asked softly, not rhetorically. Pike sighed; he was not sure he was in the mood for this after the six hours in sickbay with Doctor McCoy.

‘I don’t know what you are talking about?’ Pike said, he had a pretty good idea what Kirk was talking about.

‘You keep doing this to yourself.’ Kirk said and moved slowly towards him. ‘I am not…’ Pike protested. Kirk took a step toward him again.

‘Wait, wait, where is Ms. Cartwright?’ Pike asked. Kirk was getting dangerously close. Pike stepped back again. This was close. His heart kept beating faster. How did this precipitate?

‘Chris, you are too insecure.’ Kirk finally caught up with him and moved into his personal space. And kissed him first lightly and then as Pike didn’t protest. He moved his arms around the other's waist.

‘I am so sorry what happened to you on Talos,’ Jim said, pulling him into his arms. ‘I love you,’ 

‘I would like you to be my boyfriend.’ Kirk said seriously as he broke free of Pike’s needy kiss.

Pike still felt like they should be clear on the whole ex-girlfriend situation.

‘Listen, Jim…’ He was interrupted. ‘Of course, if you prefer me to call you something else. I can do that.’ Kirk kissed him again.

‘Are you sure?’ Pike asked worried. Not sure himself if he was referring to the boyfriend or the fact that Kirk was currently letting a hand glide into his trousers.

‘I want you to fuck me.’ Kirk whispered in his ear. Making Pike shiver. Pike nodded, leaning backwards to allow Kirk to kiss him on the neck.

He can feel his jacket being zipped off, and he tries to do the same with Kirk’s. Trousers and boots discarded; Kirk moved him to his bedroom. Pike fell vulnerable in his undershirt and boxers. Kirk, however, does not seem to mind being completely naked.

Kirk’s hands are gliding over his back and onto his back.

‘Can I take off your underwear?’ Kirk asked. Making Pike feel self conscious. He would actually prefer keeping it on. Kirk looked like a Greek God.

Pike, however, didn’t enjoy looking at himself in the mirror. Much worse to let Kirk see him without his undershirt.

Pike feels a lump in his throat. ‘No, Jim, I…’ He took a quick look at his unshapely abdomen. ‘Can we…’ Kirk sighed, and Pike hoped he had not ruined the moment.

But Kirk just grinned, looked at him, and lifted the undershirt. Pike closed his eyes in embarrassment, as Jim pulled it over his head.

‘You are perfect.’ Kirk put both his hands on the belly, staring at it for a moment, making Pike feel exposed. Unwell, he just stared at Kirk’s hands.

‘I want you to be mine, Chris. I want all of you.’ Kirk kissed him on the neck again. Moving his hands to Pike’s ass cheeks.

Pike felt a strange soft weakness. The stress of everything, all the worries lessened. Allowing himself to be loved, accepted. His muscles relaxed in the other man’s arms. If Jim was willing to give him this, he couldn’t say no.

He kissed back. Moving his hands to the other man, turning him around, with one hand stroking Kirk and sliding a finger, circling Kirk’s hole, asking for permission.

‘Oh, yes, please,’ Jim gasped. Pike pressed a finger inside and moved to prepare himself at the same time.

He continued to bend Kirk over the bed, tentatively pushing himself inside. He held a minor break and waited for Kirk to adjust before beginning to move, holding a firm grip on the other man’s hips.

‘You are amazing.’ He could hear Kirk mumble. Chris held a break and kissed Kirks back while stroking the other man to completion. The other man had become undone. Before he began moving again and finally finished himself deep inside the other man.

Pike rolled off, out of breath and sweaty. He looked at Kirk grinning at him.

‘I definitely want you to be my boyfriend now,’ Kirk grinned confidently, annoying.

Pike hit him with a pillow.

Pike popped himself up on one arm. ‘Why are you doing this, Jim?’ He asked. Kirk just flashed him a knowing smile and placed himself on the back of the bed, grinning.

* * *

‘I believe that Ms. Cartwright’s ship is working within the specified parameters,’ Spock reported.

‘Very good Mr. Spock, is she ready to leave?’ Spock nodded. ‘Affirmative, I believe she is waiting for you before take-off.’ Kirk got up from the chair.

‘I better tell her goodbye, then.’

It was a strange feeling saying goodbye to Ruth. At one point in his life, she had been all he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	7. The one with the Klingons and the baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Enterprise is under attack by Klingons.

Kirk had made it clear that he was interested in pursuing a relationship with him. A thought he was not against. The affection he felt towards Kirk was stronger than anything he had thought that he would ever feel again.

And then there was the child. Kirk clearly wanted that too. They could be a family, the three of them at least to some extent. At least for now, and at least until Kirk moved on to something different.

* * *

‘I put you on beta-shift,’ Kirk announced. ‘Excuse me?’ Pike looked up from the PADD he had been writing on.

‘Jim, I am still your superior officer,’ Pike warned coolly, looking down again. Okay, Kirk had definitely expected a bigger reaction to that.

It was getting late.

‘Does it matter? You still work beta-shift as well as alpha-shift.’ Kirk looked at the time, ‘And one hour into gamma-shift.’ Pike rolled his eyes and didn’t comment.

Even Kirk normally didn’t work that much.

Technically, they were in Pike’s quarters, so he could throw Kirk out if he wanted or felt too annoyed with him.

Kirk looked at the PADD Pike was reading. He knew what it was, but he wanted to make a point. And he wanted them to go to bed.

‘You know, you are doing Spock’s job now.’ Pike didn’t look up.

The ship’s record would definitely get worse when Pike stopped doing them. Even Spock wasn’t that meticulous. They were precise, structured and easy to read. However, Pike was not supposed to be doing all of them.

When they got back into federation space within the next two weeks, Kirk was considering moving Pike off the duty roster completely. Even though at this time he should probably not mention it or he would risk being kicked out of an airlock.

‘Spock expressed a concern for you.’ That got his attention.

‘And what do you expect to do when the baby is here?’ Kirk asked, and made a weird gesture toward Pike, hopefully getting him to remember that he was pregnant.

Pike looked down again. ‘Work less.’

Kirk sighed; he was getting restless. He got up. Maybe he should get some work done too, or go to bed.

No, going to bed here would be weird without Pike, not to mention not the purpose for him being there. And he didn’t want to go back to his own quarter.

‘Are you sure you should be putting the PADD on top of her head?’ Kirk asked, Pike sighed, clearly annoyed in being disturbed again.

‘Her head is the other way.’ He said annoyed without looking up from the PADD or removing it from resting it on the top of his stomach.

Kirk put a hand on his stomach just under the PADD, knowing that that was going to annoy him. Pike lifted the PADD and stared at the offending hand with a sigh.

‘Jim, what are you doing?’ Pike said really tired. ‘We are going to bed.’ Kirk took the PADD out of Pike’s hand with his other hand and held it out of Pike’s reach.

‘Wow she is really kicking,’ Kirk added. Pike looked like he wanted to kick Kirk too.

He removed Kirk’s hand. ‘She is probably annoyed that you took her foot rest.’

‘Where are you going?’ Kirk asked as Pike got up.

‘Going to research Star-fleet survival protocols, are you coming?’

‘You are not going to let that one go?’

‘Not a chance.’

* * *

‘Captain, there is an energy surge on the long-range sensors.’ Spock said, looking up. ‘I believe it is Klingon bird of prey.’ They were well outside Klingon space.

Kirk got up from the chair. ‘Full magnification, please,’ Kirk said. Sulu zoomed in on the ship. ‘That ship doesn’t look like one from the empire.’ Spock said. ‘I believe that ship is not from the Klingon alliance, they have the insignia from the Duras family.’ ‘What is the insignia on the other ship.’ A smaller ship appeared to be trapped by the larger Klingon ship.

Kirk was not that well versed in the Klingon families. ‘They appear to be shooting at the smaller vessel, sir.’

‘Their hull integrity is failing in ten minutes,’ Spock said. ‘Shields up and battle stations,’ Kirk ordered.

‘It is very close to federation space. But they are still in neutral space.’ Spock reminded Kirk. He nodded. ‘Noted, Spock.’ ‘Can you hail the Klingons?’ Kirk asked.

‘They are not responding, sir,’ Uhura said.

‘But the smaller ship is sending out a universal distress signal requesting assistance.’ Kirk sighed.

‘Their shields are failing, sir. There are two life-forms on board.’

‘Hail the Klingons again, transmit on all frequencies,’ Kirk said, pressing the authorization on his armrest.

‘This is Captain James T. Kirk of the federation spaceship, The USS Enterprise. Stop firing, or we will be forced to return with full force.’ He said. ‘They are answering,’ Uhura said. ‘On screen,’ Kirk said.

A Klingon that wore a Klingon tribal uniform, which Kirk did not recognize.

‘Kirk,’ he screamed. ‘This is purely Klingon business; you will not disturb. Or you will feel the wraith of the Duras clan.’ The Klingon interrupted the call.

‘They still fire on the other ship. However, we do have the superior firepower.’ Spock said.

‘As the Duras clan is currently not a part of the treaty, I believe that we can engage.’ Kirk nodded. ‘Okay, fire all phasor banks.’

‘Their shields are holding,’ Spock said.

‘They are firing at us.’ They had stopped firing on the smaller ship. They took a small hit, and the ship shook a little.

‘Shields 95%, holding,’ Sulu said.

‘Okay fire photon torpedoes,’ Kirk ordered.

‘Firing photon torpedoes.’ The Klingon ship took a hit, the shield blinking. ‘Their shields are down.’

‘Captain, the smaller ship is losing hull integrity.’ They needed to evacuate them, and fast. ‘Can we lower the shields, so we can beam them over?’ Kirk asked.

‘Yes, I believe so.’

‘Do it, lower shields and beam them over.’

They lowered their shields. It appeared that the Klingons were dead in space. But without the Klingon war bird had fired. Then suddenly her gravimetric system was disturbed, and the crew was shaken around.

‘What was that?’ Kirk asked, struggling to get back to his chair. Spock crawled back to the scanners. Sulu was checking Chekov, who had gotten a panel in the head.

The Klingon warbird were still hanging in mid space and not moving. The smaller ship exploded. Kirk really hoped that they had managed to beam the passengers out in time.

‘I believe it was a cloaked ship.’ ‘Damage reports coming in from all decks, minor injuries.’ Uhura reported.

‘Shields up,’ Kirk ordered. ‘The deflector screen is down.’ They were hit again. ‘Damn it, get the shields back up.’ ‘We are working on it.’ The engineering station reported.

‘Shields are up, sir.’ Another round of shoots was deflected.

‘Damn it, I didn’t know that the Klingons have acquired cloaking technology.’

‘Did we get the passengers?’ Kirk asked into the intercom system.

‘Yes, sir, but they appear to be Klingons too.’

Kirk sighed. ‘Escort them to the bridge, I want to talk to them.’

* * *

The Klingons from the small ship was not at all what Kirk had expected. They were very young, almost children. A boy and a girl, the boy was wearing the uniform of the Klingon alliance, the girl was wearing a metallic suit and a bath’let.

‘Would you care to explain to me what is going on?’ Kirk demanded, as if he was talking to two mischievous school children.

They gave each to a saying look.

‘I am Tumar of house Duras,’ the boy presented himself. ‘Okay, Tumar, and that ship,’ Kirk pointed at the warbird hanging in space. ‘That is my family.’

‘Normally, Mr. Tumar, family do not shoot on each other.’ The girl looked at Tumar with nervousness.

‘He has left his family to be with me,’ she said.

‘They have vowed revenge because he disregarded their honor.’

This did sound like an internal Klingon affair. However, Kirk couldn’t help but think that there was some transgression here, that these two should be under protection.

‘We are leaving for federation space to seek asylum.’ ‘And you are?’ Kirk asked the girl. ‘I am D’lath, daughter of KosS,’ she presented herself. Right.

‘So, the cloaked ship, I take it is your family, Miss D’lath?’ Kirk asked. She nodded.

‘So, your families are trying to kill you?’ D’lath nodded. They were hit again.

‘Shields holding, sir.’

‘We would like asylum.’ Kirk shook his head. Alright, he was feeling romantic, and this was his own fault for saving them.

Kirk sighed, ‘Fine, if we survive this, I am sure we can work something out.’ He made a motion to the two security officers to take the Klingon love birds to another deck.

‘Don’t leave them out of your sight.’

The second Klingon ship was de-cloaking in front of them.

‘Captain, the de-cloaking ship is hailing us.’

‘This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Starship Enterprise. Why are you firing on us?’

‘I am Tarr’al, from house of Kalan. We have no feud with the federation. Our sensors showed that you have beamed over two passengers, we shall seize firing, if you immediately hand them over. They are highly dangerous and will pose a danger to you or your crew. You will hand them over and the house of Kalan will leave.’

‘These prisoners didn’t seem very dangerous to me,’ Kirk said, half amused. They had looked like a young couple, probably in love.

Tarr’al seemed to get agitated. ‘We shall destroy you if you do not immediately hand them over.’

Kirk was not giving up on this. ‘Let me think about it, Kirk out.’ Uhura cut the connection.

‘Recommendations?’ Kirk asked.

‘Sir, according to federation law, we cannot hand over….’

‘I am aware of that Spock, but I also have a responsibility for the crew of the Enterprise,’ Not to mention his pregnant boyfriend, who would probably prefer not giving birth in a Klingon prison cell.

‘Can we out-maneuver them?’ Kirk asked tired. ‘The first war bird is still dead in the water, sir. But the cloaked ship has us at a disadvantage.’

Kirk called engineering. ‘Scotty, in how long do we have warp speed?’

‘Fifteen minutes, sir. We are doing everything we can down here.’ ‘Okay, Scotty.’ Kirk sighed.

‘Hail the Klingons again.’ ‘Which one, sir?’ Uhura asked. ‘Put them both on.’

They looked pissed, both of them.

‘Listen to me gentlemen, I understand that you both have lost a member of your family.’ Kirk tried.

Reason might be the answer.

‘No, it was one from his family.’ Tarr’al pointed outwards to the other Klingon. ‘You have dishonored my niece, D’lath. The shame must be washed away in blood.’ ‘Tumar has been seduced by a seductress from your house, Tarr’al,’ the Klingon from the damaged ship said.

‘Gentlemen, gentlemen,’ Kirk tried. ‘Young love…’ It didn’t look like either of the Klingons were interested in young love.

‘What will happen if we beam them back on boards your ships?’ Kirk asked. ‘D’lath will die an honorable death. Which is better than her being with that bIHnuch.’

‘qaStaH nuq jay’?’ The one on the injured ship yelled to someone in the background. ‘It appears that the bigger ship is firing on the smaller one,’ Spock said.

Several explosions were happening on the small Klingon ship. Several decks were decompressing. ‘Sir, they are losing compression on all decks.’ Kirk nodded; they didn’t have the resources to deploy a rescue mission for survivors.

The Klingon disappeared from the screen. ‘Their transmission has stopped.’ ‘Kirk,’ Tarr’al said, ‘I shall destroy you and your ship if you do not hand D’lath over.’

He said, indicating to Uhura to cut him off. Okay, Kirk couldn’t hand the young lovers over. Time to come up with a different plan.

‘They are firing at us,’

‘Evasive maneuvers.’ Kirk ordered, it was a close miss,

‘Shoot at their weapons systems,’ Kirk ordered ‘All phasor banks.’

That didn’t seem to have much of an impact.

‘Sir, they are cloaking.’ The ship disappeared from view. ‘Sir, there might be a small chance of hitting it when they shoot at us. They have to de-cloak, but they won’t have time to raise shields.’

‘Do it,’ Kirk ordered.

‘How is that warp speed power going?’ He called to engineering again. ‘Sir, it won’t budge.’

Kirk sighed.

Out of the blue they were hit again, the ship shaking. ‘Sir, shields are at 15%, if we get another direct hit, we will lose shields.’ Damn it.

The ship was de-cloaking, and Enterprise fired at them, unknown whether they missed.

The other ship didn’t miss. Everything was shaking around.

‘General quarters security condition three,’ Uhura said, intruders. ‘Deck 17,’

‘Deploy security.’ Kirk ordered.

‘They keep shooting.’ Enterprise also shoot phasor banks, but again they didn’t know whether they hit anything.

‘With their own people on board?’ Chekov asked.

‘I am pretty sure that the Klingons are not concerned about that!’ Kirk said.

‘Sickbay is reporting casualties.’ Uhura said. Kirk suppressed the urge to call Pike and hear whether he was okay.

‘Captain, I believe I have found a way to detect the Klingon ship just before they de-cloaked. I believe there will be a window to fire a photon torpedo.’ Spock said.

Kirk nodded. ‘Do it, Spock.’

That definitely hit right in.

‘I believe that it destabilized their weapon systems, sir, we might get a window of some hours before they get it repaired.’

‘Engineering?’ He asked. ‘Casualties on all decks, sir. Ten decks sealed off.’

‘Do we have impulse power?’ Kirk asked. ‘Negative,’ ‘Scotty, can we restore warp speed?’ Kirk asked. They needed to get out of this.

‘If you can get more dilithium crystals.’

They didn’t have any spare dilithium crystals. He also needed to make sure that Pike was safe. Kirk tried to remember where he was supposed to be today. ‘Bones, how is the situation down there.’ He said. Hoping that McCoy would at least tell him if Pike was dead.

McCoy was shouting: ‘Damit, Jim, what are you doing up there?’ That bad, but at least it meant that Pike was not in sickbay.

‘Just hold on, Bones.’ He pressed end to the end button.

And they needed to find the Klingon infiltrators.

‘Have you found the intruders?’ Kirk asked. ‘Sir, I think they are in engineering.’ Damn it.

* * *

‘They are going to get in here really soon,’ Scotty shouted, while he extinguished the fire in the plasma relays.

‘How long will the doors be holding?’

The warp core was at risk.

‘I’ve got it.’ Pike shouted; he had been pulling at an injured engineering lieutenant. He took a look at him. He was unconscious, severe plasma burns. Smoke from the almost extinguished fire.

They didn’t have any phasors down there, so how he would stop the intruders was unclear. He pulled at the handheld plasma extinguisher.

The Klingons kept shooting at the door. Pike stood up with his back against the wall just next to the door.

Pike listened, waited. Trying to regain equilibrium for seconds before the Klingons broke through. Adrenaline was pumping in him as he shot with the high-power fire extinguisher at the first in the door.

It was a large Klingon in full armor. The man screamed and everything on him that had been hit froze immediately. He fell over, his hand shattering.

The next in the door jumped at Pike immediately after, in a turn Pike caught the man’s hand, de-armouring him with a fast movement.

The disruptor, with the Klingon had had in his hand, glided over the floor.

The Klingon managed to hit Pike with his elbow on the side of his face. Pike struggled to regain equilibrium from the Confusion following the punch. He just had enough time to duck from the next punch.

He jumped at the disrupter on the floor, followed by the Klingon, struggling to get first to the weapon. The Klingon landed on top of him and pushed him onto the floor.

Pike reached it first. The Klingon kicked him in the back, hard.

Despite the pain, Pike rolled over and without hesitation shot him with the disrupter, the Klingon screaming before disintegrating.

Pike rolled up, adrenaline pumping through him, before taking a look at the third and last of the intruders, who were engaging in a fist fight with one of engineering assistant, the Klingon had him at an advantage, slashing him with his bat’leth.

Pike reloaded the weapon and shot the last, the man disintegrating as well.

Blood were sipping out of the slash from the engineering assistant. Pike struggled to get up. The Klingon had hit him pretty hard: both in the back and on the side of the head. As an echo coming through the adrenaline rush, he suspected that he was in a lot of pain. But the stress and the state of the emergency were blocking it out.

Pike looked down for a moment. He had not been hit in the belly, he was pretty sure. He breathed in deeply. That was not the first concern. The bridge needed to know about the intruders.

He tapped a message to the communication station on the bridge that three intruders had been neutralized in engineering. He received an acknowledgment. He moved to service-member with the bat’leth slash. It looked superficial.

He pulled at the emergency medical kit and pushed out the compress and helped the man to stop the bleeding. Under normal circumstances the man should report to sickbay, but they didn’t have the luxury for that at the moment.

‘Can you continue?’ He asked, giving the man a comforting hand on the shoulder. He nodded. Pike looked to Scotty, who was still working.

The unconscious engineering lieutenant was looking worse. They needed someone to get him to sickbay. He took a look around. They were only five people left, including the injured service member. Pike himself was the only one that was not indispensable.

‘Mr. Scott, can I take Mr. Becker to sickbay?’ Scotty looked at Pike and then to Becker, still unconscious.

‘Yes,’ Scott yelled back.

* * *

The deadweight of Becker was difficult to get a good hold on. Pike pulled him to have one arm over his shoulder. The man shifted a little and breathed heavily, coughing. At least he was still alive.

The deck was in chaos, fired were breaking out, they and people were injured, and hurrying past.

Pike finally pushed Becker into the doors of sickbay. The place was chaotic. People with minor injuries were collected on the floor.

A woman with a head injury was trying to find a place to sit down.

Doctor McCoy was shouting something to a nurse. The reserve doctor, normally in charge of lab A, was trying to stop a bleeding from a half-amputated leg.

Nurse Chapel immediately jumped to help with the unconscious Becker.

‘On here,’ she said, while helping Pike putting him on the only empty bed. ‘Doctor, doctor,’ she yelled. McCoy looked up, running over, and began incubating. The nurse prepared a shot.

Pike knew that he should return to. Engineering or begin evacuating more injured. But everything was aching. His stomach, his back. His injury had not been that bad, he had thought. But now his back was hurting. And he had muscle spasms in his legs.

Out of breath, Pike leaned on the nearest bed, with an injured Andorian service member. He was uncertain whether he would have enough energy to return all the way to engineering.

He began looking at the minor injuries, helping with putting compression on them. Biting himself on the inside of his cheek when the pain became too unbearable.

Maybe he had injured his back more than he thought.

* * *

Within the next hour, the sickbay began clearing. Pike helped the less injured into temporary beds in the auxiliary lab. The casualties were removed for the morgue.

For a moment Pike considered just putting himself on a bed in the auxiliary lab as well. Maybe that would help on the pain he was currently having in his stomach.

But he needed to make sure that McCoy didn’t need help.

He staggered into the infirmary. Just getting eye contact with Doctor McCoy before bending over in pain. He could hear Doctor McCoy yelling at the nurse.

‘That bed is available, on that.’ McCoy pushed him to the bed while turning it on.

‘Were you in a fight?’ He asked suspiciously. ‘With three Klingons, yes.’ ‘With three Klingons?’ McCoy asked rhetorically, looking up as if he was talking to someone else.

‘He was in a fight with three Klingons, of course he was.’ The doctor mumbled to himself, moving a hand to feel around the contour of the child. Apparently happy with what he found, he let go.

‘Nurse, could you ask the bridge if Captain Kirk is busy or if he can come down here?’ McCoy said more calmly, taking a look at a reading from the bio-bed.

‘Sure, doctor,’ she said, giving Doctor McCoy a questioning look.

‘What, wait, no, we are being attacked by…’ Pike tried, being overcome by pain to say anymore. ‘He can return afterwards,’ the doctor said sympathetically.

‘After what?’

Doctor McCoy didn’t answer. ‘After what, doctor?’ He planned to state it as an order, but pain rippled through him again.

‘Is the baby okay?’ He asked urgently when the wave of pain had rendered him able to speak again, thinking that that would probably be the only thing justifying calling the Captain during a red alert.

McCoy stopped and looked him in the eyes.

‘She is fine, and you are probably going to see her in the next twenty minutes,’ Doctor McCoy said deadpan seriously. Reality hit him.

He was in labour.

‘Wait, can’t you stop it, like you did before?’ This was five weeks too early, not to mention that they were currently under attack from Klingons. Jim couldn’t come, even with the doctor’s kind try.

He wanted Jim to be there.

He was hit by another contraction, allowing McCoy to not have to answer that. The pain waved over his body, his muscles pained sharply.

It stopped, ‘Why are you taking my clothes off?’ He finally had a break to ask. The nurse was removing his uniform pants and boots.

Chapel gave McCoy a look to indicate that she didn’t approve of his resistance.

McCoy didn’t approve either. He got a blanket instead of his pants.

* * *

Captain Kirk showed up. He had been running the whole way from the bridge. Apparently not in doubt as to why he had been called to sickbay.

Pike was grateful, but concerned. It might be his fault that the Captain was not on the bridge in a crucial battle. He was about to order Captain Kirk back to the bridge when another contraction rippled through him.

‘Chris, is everything all right?’ It bloody well wasn’t. He couldn’t answer. Kirk looked at McCoy.

His stomach cramped into a hard knot as he gritted his teeth, head tilted backwards.

‘Why aren’t you stopping it?’ Kirk asked accusingly. Moving a hand to caress Pike’s face.

‘I am not a miracle worker, Jim. Four hours and a fight with three Klingons ago, maybe,’ the doctor said, checking something on the bio-bed.

‘You were in a fight with three Klingons?’ Kirk asked, upset. Pike still couldn’t get enough air to say anything. The pain rippled through him. The muscles in his back made him both restless and immobilized at the same time.

Maybe if he moved, twisting, it would help. He could feel something give and extremely wet ruptured between his legs. For a second he was almost certain that he had soiled himself.

‘Doctor, water has broken,’ Chapel said, holding his legs apart. One of his legs was cramping and shaking.

He needed to use the bathroom desperately and just get away from this. His own body was breaking down on him.

Pike tried to leave. ‘I need to...’ maybe get away from the yelling.

Making McCoy say ‘no,’ in a sharp voice. Three different people were putting their hands on him to soothe him. Gasping for air, he could see Jim inches from him. ‘Shh, Chris, you are doing really good.’ He wasn’t, he was shaking as he was ripped apart.

Almost without a pause, the next contraction rippled through him. Jim was making circles with his tump on his back. 

He wanted to push, but shouldn’t the doctor tell him what to do? McCoy didn’t seem too concerned, however. Jim just kept focusing on him. ‘It is almost over, sweetheart,’ Jim soothed him.

The next contraction almost made him pass out.

‘Is it okay he is pushing?’ Jim asked a little concerned. Had he been pushing? Maybe it was not on purpose.

‘The contractions are strong enough that he doesn’t have to. It probably feels better when he does, though.’

‘Wasn’t this supposed to be a c-section?’ Pike tried to ask. He was fairly certain that something was pushing out of him.

‘Little late for that, the baby is almost out,’ McCoy said.

Pike could feel relief as the doctor helped the baby the last few centimeters out.

Jim kissed him on his forehead. While he desperately looked after the tiny infant being separated from him and moved away by the nurse.

* * *

Pike looked down at his left hand, he hadn’t even noticed that he had been holding Kirk’s so tight. He let go, trying to sit up to get a better view of his daughter.

The baby was not crying.

The tiny infant was taken away by the nurse to be cleaned and put in a premature heated bubble wrap blanket. Relieved that the little girl waved around with a small fist.

‘Here she is,’ Chapel cooed while placing the child in his arms. Pike shot Kirk a skeptical look. But the other man was just looking way too pleased with himself.

Kirk touched the baby gently on the cheek.

‘Jim, shouldn’t you go back to the bridge?’ Pike asked worried. They were in yellow alert. But dead in the water, with a warp drive that didn’t function. And Klingons on the attack course.

‘Relax, both Klingon war birds are destroyed, the Yorktown showed up.’

‘The Yorktown?’ Pike asked in disbelief. ‘Yeah, I think Spock is coordinating evacuation of injured personnel with their Captain right now. That would include you and her.’ Kirk was still stroking the infant affectionately.

No way he was going to the Yorktown with no pants. Currently, he was wearing an undershirt that were torn four places and smelled like plasma fires.

Kirk finally got into action. He kissed Pike tentatively on the mouth.

‘Do what Bones tells you.’ He shot an affectionate look at the now sleeping infant again.

* * *

Sickbay was still chaotic. And even if it meant that Doctor McCoy was shooting him dirty looks, Pike placed the infant in the carrier cot in his bed. She was asleep, and they would best get the evacuation underway.

They just needed to get everyone to the transporter room. As Pike was almost comfortable walking, he put a crewman Samson on the gurney meant for him.

He handed the carrier cot with his daughter to nurse Chapel.

‘She needs to go to their sickbay as fast as possible,’ Chapel nodded taking the infant carrier. As much as he wanted to go with her. his little girl needed to get to the Yorktown sickbay now.

* * *

The captain of the Yorktown was actually in the transporter room when he beamed over. She almost helped him down the platform.

He probably looked like walking posed an issue.

‘Number One,’ Pike said. She flashed her smile. ‘Welcome onboard the Yorktown, commodore.’ It had been a long time, he looked over at the minor injuries beaming over at the same time. They were received by a medical assistant from Yorktown.

‘You look like shit.’

He probably did. She was studying his hair.

‘I don’t think I have ever seen your hair like that, new shampoo?’ Despite his appearance and probably smell. Number One gave him a kiss on the cheek.

‘Thanks.’ He said sarcastically. She of course looked perfect in her gold uniform and perfectly style black hair. Great. At least he was wearing pants and boots again. But that was probably the only redeeming thing to say about his appearance.

She escorted him out. ‘Could you take me to sickbay, I have someone waiting for me down there.’ Number One looked at him in surprise.

‘Who?’ Number One asked. He just shrugged. She could see for herself.

* * *

The infant was not hard to locate in the busy sickbay. Several nurses from the Yorktown were cooing over her.

One of the doctors stopped Pike asking. ‘Excuse me, do you know where the mother of the newborn is, is she still onboard the Enterprise?’

Okay, this was awkward, he really didn’t need to explain this, in details. At least none of these people had seen him without pants.

‘That would be me.’ He cut the doctor off.

‘Oh,’ the doctor tuned somewhat red. Number One who appeared to look amused at this exchange had moved to coo over the infant as well. Her quick mind didn’t need more explanation.

‘Is she okay?’ Pike didn’t want to wait for the doctor to get his head working again. ‘Doctor McCoy expressed a concern that she should get oxygen therapy.’

Pike looked worried at the little girl, still in her bubble wrap blanket.

‘Yes, yes, we gave her that and began to give her tube feeding. But I think she could probably take a bottle next time.’

‘I see, when can I take her out of here?’ Pike put a hand into her crib. caressing her cheek.

‘Tonight, eh...’ The doctor looked to Number One, who looked like this was all perfectly normal.

‘I can see that I should get you a family sized guest quarter then,’ Number One said amused.

‘Come on Chris, I’ll get you settled in so you can get a shower. Else she will think that her mother is close every-time a plasma fuel cell explodes.’

‘Please don’t call me that,’ Pike said. She just looked amused.

‘You said it.’

* * *

Pike felt like himself when Number One came to see him in the evening. He had gotten a large double room quarter with a view and a bed for the infant.

He also looked somewhat like himself. Gold uniform, hair that didn’t stick out everywhere. His stomach would probably not look normal ever again, but that was almost impossible to see for the uniform.

‘The evacuation is complete; 34 crew members and two Klingon guests have been transferred to the Yorktown.’ She looked at the infant, now sleeping in his arms. The baby was well enough to get out of the bubble wrap blanket and was wearing a small pink onesie and wrapped in a white blanket.

As sickbay on the Yorktown was filled and busy, further treatment of the child would fortunately be in their new quarters.

‘Very good.’

Pike nodded, for once he just wanted to stay and not see what was going on the bridge.

‘We will be leaving for Earth in a short while. The Enterprise will be limping back, but with new dilithium crystals, she’ll get there a few weeks after us.’ Pike nodded. He had hoped that Kirk would come and be with him and their baby. But he knew that the captain would have more than enough to do. He just couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

‘I see, when do we leave?’ He asked, hoping that he would at least have time to see Jim before they departed. To be a family for a few moments, before duty called again.

Number One received a communication from the bridge. ‘We are ready to leave now, captain.’

She nodded. Pike looked up; they were leaving.

‘Okay, on my way,’ Number One acknowledged, before leaving.

‘See you later, Chris,’ she said, giving him a tentative smile. Almost bumping into Captain Kirk who was entering the room.

‘Captain,’ Kirk said.

‘Captain,’ Number One said, taking a knowing look back to Pike, who still held the infant.

‘Jim?’ Pike asked surprised. ‘We are leaving, you should be getting back to the Enterprise,’ Pike said urgently.

Kirk flashed him a smile. ‘I am not, Spock is towing her back.’

That did not make sense.

Kirk gave him a kiss, and sat down next to them, looking at the little girl. ‘She really is perfect.’

‘So, what are we going to do now?’ Pike asked.

‘I don’t know but it will take at least 18 months refitting for the Enterprise when we get back to Earth. Unless Spock crashes her first,’ Kirk said.

‘We have plenty of time to figure something out.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :-)


	8. Coda - that weird conversation between Captain Kirk and Number One

‘Thanks for lending a hand, My engineer is satisfied that Enterprise is ready to head out in three hours,’ Kirk said into the conference room monitor.

He was talking to the captain of the Yorktown in a video-call. She was only a superficial acquaintance. But knowing that she had been Pike’s first officer for so many years made him jealous.

‘No problem, we are finding accommodation for the injured personnel.’

‘Very good.’ Then hesitating.

‘There was something else,’ Kirk said, he didn’t know how to ask.

‘Did you get Chris settled?’ He then finally managed. She looked oddly amused.

‘Yes, and his daughter has currently commandeered most of my sickbay.’

‘Is she okay?’

‘Relax, I only meant that the nurses were distracted by the sudden appearance of a baby.’

Kirk breathed out, relieved.

‘She does that.’ He stopped himself from dreaming. ‘Did you talk to Chris, did he seem okay? I didn’t have time to talk to him after the birth.’

‘Yes, he is fine.’ She crossed her arms, leaned back and got a weird glimpse in her eyes.

‘I am sure Spock is capable of flying Enterprise back to Earth in a straight line,’ she said, pursing her lips, ‘If you have somewhere else to be.’ 

Captain Kirk hesitated.

‘So, I have your approval?’

Her lips turned up into a smile.

‘Our crew-quarters are full, if he kicks you out, you have to sleep in the mess hall in a sleeping bag.’

‘He wouldn’t do that.’ 

‘No, but I would.’ The glimmer in her eye was back. Kirk shot her a nervous glance through the monitor.

After having tortured him with a disapproving frown long enough. She unfolded her arms, smiling.

‘… and captain, happy for you too...’ before she got up, and tuned her monitor off.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading ❤️


End file.
